I Confess

  “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor?” Mathew 5:13

  Confession is good so today will be a day of confession; of admitting what is coming between God and me. You see, I have felt apart from Him for a while now. Some of it is my own doing by allowing myself to be distracted by shallow entertainment in the form of too much TV, too much game playing on the tablet, too many wasted hours.

  Forgive me, Lord, for using media to distract me from life.

  I admit these things are symptomatic coping strategies used to hide from the overwhelming decisions and tasks needed to make the renovation happen. I am a terrible procrastinator although yesterday saw a great deal accomplished.

  Thank You, Lord, with Your help, I will be able to do all that is needed. Forgive me for procrastinating.

  The bonfire/yard clean up got rained out so I spent several hours in the basement removing a false wall, some shelving and the old workshop bench because they were in the way of the stairs. I moved the laundry tub because it would have been in the way of a plumber when they come to redo the pipes for the new kitchen and bath.

  But that is only one day. There’s more to spend down there reorganizing so the workers can easily access the chimney and the floor beneath the bathroom.

  Forgive me Lord, for feeling I need to do everything in one go. Thank You for reminding me I have time to do all that is needed. Help me figure out a way to break all the tasks down into manageable pieces. If that means a list, don’t let me be overwhelmed by the list! If that means spending only one hour a day doing what is needed, help me be content with that and not feel pressured to try and squeeze in more. Maybe I need to learn more about healthy boundaries!

  I also have to admit to being worried. My psychiatrist has prescribed a change in one of my meds to a lower dose. It’s one that helps with the anxiety. It is scary not knowing how this will affect my anxiety level which is pretty high right now. 

   Forgive me Lord for being anxious because I know this particular med is hard on my liver and kidneys. It is best if I could get off it all together. Thank You for giving me a wise doctor. Thank You, if the need arises, he will be able to suggest an alternative with minimal side effects. 

  Forgive me for feeling that there is an issue with being anxious about the renovations! It is understandable and "normal" to feel this way! Thank You, Lord, for teaching me about grace.

    

  Second guessing my decisions is a big part of what is keeping me apart from God. Thinking about everything then thinking it all over again is a vicious circle. Is it right? Will it work? What if it’s wrong?

  Forgive me, Lord, for doubting myself and the gifts You have given me. Thank You that my creativity and artistic ability have guided me into creating a beautiful space for my home: a space that will be perfect. Thank You for Your provision that all this is possible!

  But then, I have to also be thankful for God’s inspiration on so many levels! There was an “Ah-Ha!” moment about how to rebuild my kitchen table so it will be small enough for daily use in the new space but will keep the drop leafs to seat more people. The rebuild will allow for storage underneath so it doesn’t end up buried in stuff like it usually is. Thank You for the skills that can make this possible! Besides, if I mess it up, I can always look for a new table!

 

  God, You are faithful. You are present even when I am not. Let this renovation and all the other day to day concerns be wrapped in me learning how to lean on You even more.

  Forgive me for feeling I have to do everything by myself. Forgive me for resenting this. Maybe part of the learning will mean asking for help. I don’t do that very well. I know why. Forgive me for continuing to believe the lies behind the why.

  Lord, I am a child of the Light. In You I can do all things. Let me be at peace, resting in the assurance You are with me. AMEN!