I am wise. Proverbs 2:6

  "For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding. " NKJV
  "For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding." JCB

  The boastful words of today's affirmation were met with a self-deprecating snort. Yet, in Christ there just might be pearls.

  The story behind the blocks...Each pile represents God's generous provision. Maybe wanting blocks is an odd thing but there it is. The cedar ties used to raise one of my flower beds have rotted away rather quickly. Perusing the weekly flyers, I had admired the stone, a far better, permanent retaining wall. But, they are expensive. The dream was just a dream.
  Until yesterday.
  The local hardware store moved to a new building. As part of tidying up, they have a huge free-for-the-taking area.
  I have driven past many times. Yesterday as I left work, there seemed to be some urgency to stop by and check it out.
  There they were! More than enough for the job. More than enough to add some to a friend's sloping rock garden because she needed some more, too!
  I can't help but draw a comparison when it comes to wisdom. Some of what I thought I knew is like the rotten cedar. God's provision, His guidance, His truth are the stones of faith and truth and learning. With learning comes understanding. With understanding comes wisdom as the Lord builds a foundation that will not fail.
  It took a couple trips to bring these home. Which is a wonderful action demonstrating God's grace.
  He knows I can be foolish. He knows I don't always have the right answer. He knows that it takes multiple trips to gather a full knowledge of any one aspect of the mystery that is God. He knows my human weaknesses means I can only grasp one stone at a time.
  The best part? He has given me strength to do it.

Ephesians 6:11

  I put on the whole armor of God.
  "Put on the whole armor of God that you may stand against the wiles of the devil." NKJV
  "Put on All of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil." JCB

  This is where it all started in November 2004. There was no room for the mushy stuff, the milk for new believers. I needed to know the Lord could keep me safe. I needed to know how to protect myself, which in true God fashion meant laying down my own weapons of thirsty vengeance. I needed to know how to live according to this new life I had committed myself to.
  The Lord began unlocking my long suppressed creativity by opening the heart/mind connection. He inspired me with a vision of His armor. The first painted image was rushed. The warrior seemed to be cowering defensively, timidly, on one knee. The sword he held looked like it was warding off unseen blows. The paint technique made the armor dull and rusty looking.
  It was a far cry from the radiant, ethereal, wonderful full body protection I had seen in my mind's eye.
  I learned about grace after setting this image aside and beginning again. Slower, more thoughtfully. Forgotten skills rose from the grave. A new understanding bloomed in my heart: it's not the finished product that is important. It's the journey with the Lord to save, Father God to nurture and the Holy Spirit to lead the way.
  The design of the Helmet of Salvation has given me much to think about over the ensuing years--faith growing years. Although it has often faded from my thoughts.
  The helmet had no opening for the wearer to see out of. There were openings by the ears only. At first I didn't understand the significance.
  Lord, thank You for the reminder that my mortal eyes rarely see what You see, especially in the people who are part of my day. Thank You for reminding me to hear only Your truth. Thank You for refreshing my soul with the knowledge that in all things, the battle has been won.
  But, most of all, thank You for opening my heart, the creative source for the art, the music and the writing. Thank You for the joy they they bring both personally and in the sharing. Amen!

I am being made whole. Mark 5:34

  "And He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace, and be healed of your affliction."" NKJV
  "And he said to her, "Daughter your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over."" JCB

   I have come to recognize something. When things are going well, the enemy of our soul does his darndest to knock us over. For me, especially first thing in the morning or last thing at night, terrible memories or potential catastrophes find their way into my conscious thought. It must be because of the vulnerability of the mind when it's half asleep.
  I have to wonder what foothold the enemy has to put such awful things in my thoughts. Nightmare daydreams is the best way to describe them. Some are pretty grim and leave me surprised that I could even entertain such ideas.
  If the Lord can use my imagination to help me draw closer to Him, the devil will use anything and everything to pull us apart. I've got news for him. It ain't gonna work!
  Because I have touched the hem of Jesus's robe.
  Because am a woman God has raised from the forge's hearth.

  Because, in Jesus Christ, I am complete. Tomorrow will be another layer of complete. So will the day after, and the day after that.
  Hoo-rah.

I am welcome. Luke 11:9

  "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." NKJV
  "And so I (Jesus) tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." JCB
  Verse 10 goes on to say, " For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."

  The doubting heart will find truth. Those in need will find sustenance. The curious will find answers. Best of all is, should we choose to look, is finding the heart of God in the life, the sacrifice, and the resurrection of Jesus.

  Following last Friday's post, I bought an apron for the kitchen. It is roughly woven with smallish, multicolored butterflies printed on it. Sensible beauty, that's my style! I've been picking away at writing words of faith and affirmation on it in multicoloured, permanent markers. It has been challenging. By the time I have put one word near each butterfly, the list is rather long. Not wanting to duplicate any, this personalization of the generic has stretched my mind into identifying various aspects of faith and life with Jesus I never thought about before.
  After adding some more inspired words yesterday, I realized the Lord has answered a prayer.
  The affirmation list is quickly coming to an end. I wasn't sure what direction to take next. Not knowing has left me feeling rather unsettled. I don't like feeling insecure. Hmmm, now that is new! Me, needing goals? Or maybe not...purpose is more like it.
  The apron has provided a place to begin the next adventurous journey of discovery as I explore each word and reach into the Bible for an appropriate scripture. Better dust off the Concordance!

  This is one of my favorite Bible verses and has often sustained me in dark days on the Black River. It has been the light in the darkness because it clearly identifies what are the most important things in faith: seeking, asking and tapping at the door. But here's the thing, the door, the entrance to life with Jesus is always open.
  Amen!

I am in a wealthy place. Psalm 66:12

  "You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through fire and water; But You brought us out to rich fulfillment." NKJV
  "Then you put a leader over us. We went through fire and flood, but you brought us to a place of great abundance." JCB

  Rich fulfillment or great abundance, seemingly the opposite ends of wealth. Fulfillment applies more to an individual's spiritual wealth while great abundance is more descriptive of a land of plenty, a dwelling place of inestimable physical wealth.
  The more I study the Bible, the more I find these examples of one idea translating into a multi-faceted concept. Ideas about God become three dimensional as black and white, linear thinking keeps being erased.
  I get a sense that the original words the Bible was written in are far more conceptually diverse than English. It makes me aware that a single English Bible translation often fails to clearly portray heart of God. So I have to give thanks for  being blessed with more than one translation. Each Bible provides a wealth of curiosities and an opportunity to unravel the mystery of the Father and Son I adore.
  They both grant me, in different ways, the ability to understand how big God is. Big in heart. Big in kindness and giving. Big in His willingness to help me unravel the complicated threads of simple faith.
  Which really is the foundation of everything...faith being a commitment of trust.

  Wow! I have to think about that for a bit.
  Time and again, God's Word is an invitation to trust Him. Today it's about His provision of wealth in all its diversity of meaning.
  And it's only taken 289 affirmations to realize that every single one has been an invitation to trusting God in every single aspect of my life.

  Well, Lord, You have me laughing at myself again. Each chuckle wipes away the struggles I have when it comes to trust because, Lord, You are not of the world. You will never betray that trust. You will never use it as a weapon of destruction. You will never fail to treat my trust with honour and respect and dignity.
  I think I finally understand those powerful words, "You will never leave me nor forsake me."
  Lord, if this is a measure of wealth, than I am the richest woman in the universe. Thank You.

 

2 Corinthians 12:10

  I am weak, then I am strong.
  "Therefore I take pleasure in infidelities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong." NKJV
  "That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. " JCB

  There was some pressure on our small town mayor to remove the reciting of the Lord's Prayer from counsel meetings. He refused to eradicate a crucial part of the history and culture of the area. Instead, he invited anyone who was offended by the prayer to leave the room while it was being said. I don't know if future mayors will uphold this practice.
  The prayer used to be part of the morning school routine along with singing God Save the Queen and our national anthem.
  This is happening without violence, without protest. Maybe it says something about Canadian politeness because we want to make all people welcome. So, if a prayer stops that from happening, we won't say it.
  For a while, there has been some controversy about Christmas, about wishing someone something other than Happy Holidays. Lately I've noticed an unapologetic upsurge in people boldly wishing each other a Merry Christmas simply because that's what December 25 is all about.
  I am grateful that, as a Christian in Canada, I am not afraid of violence over my beliefs. I don't need to hide who I am. But, the subtle eradication of anything that hints at Christianity is far harder to stand up against. Even though 67% of Canada identifies as Christian, perhaps some of our passivity has much to do with history.

  The Aboriginal Schools are Canada's greatest shame. It was an attempt at genocide over the course of nearly a century that has left a swath of destruction in its path.
  The Church, both Catholic and Protestant, played a huge role in this. Our own cultural and historic beliefs of white supremacy, based on our British roots, gave tacit permission to "save the natives from themselves".
  Today, in writing about the subtle anti-Christian movement, for the first time I have a small insight into the pain inflicted on our Aboriginal peoples who were violently denied their cultural identity. As a mom, I can only envision the depths of their sorrow when their children were taken from them to live "The white man's way." The schools were places of abuse, neglect, persecution and death.
  May God forgive us for what we have done.

  There is a lot happening to atone for the mistakes of the past. However, there is still a long way to go.

Luke 12:37

  I am watching for His return.
  "Blessed are those servants whom the master, when he comes, will find watching. Assuredly, I say to you that he will gird himself and have them sit down to eat, and will come and serve them." NKJV
  "The servants who are ready and waiting for His return will be rewarded. I tell you the truth, He himself will seat them, put on an apron, and serve them as they sit and eat!" JCB

  When I imagine Jesus saying all this, I realize His disciples would have had no idea what would happen to their beloved Teacher. When I imagine them gathered, devasted and grieving over Jesus's death...they weren't waiting for His return. They were lost, bereft of the guidance, the lessons and encouragement they had while with Him. They didn't know how the Story of stories ended. They didn't know Jesus's death was just the beginning.
  I imagine their shock and disillusionment when their King didn't end up ruling the world. Little did they know this promise would be fulfilled.
  It makes me all the more grateful to have a Bible. It makes me all the more grateful for the Holy Spirit because His presence means I will never be apart from Jesus again. I will never have to know up close and personal what the disciples felt after Jesus died: life without Him.

  Then I think about an apron. Such a humble symbol for the heart of God. Even today, anyone who wears one is a servant.
  In another fanciful burst of imagination, I can see Jesus putting His on, an apron woven with the golden threads of truth and righteousness.
  He smiles a most beautiful smile of excitement and delight, " Okay, my beloved, we have work to do. How can I help?"
  In a mad flurry that's more like a dance of joy, ancient cobwebs are purged from my soul. The disregarded boxes under the stairs are opened and finally sorted. We have yet to go through the closet. (Smile.)
  It's always more enjoyable to clean house when there is Someone to help.
  Maybe I need to think about my aversion to aprons. I never wear one when I cook but what a wonderful, tangible, way to connect to the servant heart of Jesus. I do have one for woodworking that has never been worn. It would add another rich dimension of relating to my Carpenter, the builder of peace, whenever I have the pleasure of making sawdust.
 

I am washed. Titus 3:5

"Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit." NKJV
  When God our  Savior revealed his kindness and love (v.4) "He saved us, not because of the righteous things we have done, but because of His mercy. He washed away our sins, giving us new birth and new life through the Holy Spirit." JCB

 This is a small book in the Bible. Not being overly familiar with it, I flipped to the writing that summarizes what it is about. The author, Brian Zahnd, closes with this, "In Christianity we're not escaping the genuine struggles of life--instead we persevere in our struggles with the presence of Jesus to sustain us."
  I am not sure how this fits with today's affirmation but felt led to share.

  I think one of the hardest concepts of Christianity to fully embrace is the idea that we are cleansed of our sins. There is no atonement, no Bible verses to write out a hundred times, nothing is required to "make up" for our wayward ways. Except, perhaps, that we recognize them in the first place, lift them to Jesus and know we are forgiven.
  This idea is so foreign, so alien, I find it hard to wrap my head around. There is no punishment that could ever fit the crime. I'm not talking about breaking the law...
  Boy, this is a tough place to examine. To think of the countless ways in a day I veer away from the teachings of Jesus. It could be an uncharitable thought, a careless word, even beating myself up for doing either of these is wandering away from the love and heart of God. It's both minimalizing and disregarding the gift of the Cross and what Jesus did for humanity.
  But, here's the thing, I truly want to be better than I am...whoa, hold on a minute...if I believe everything I've written and everything the Bible says then I am acceptable before God just as I am. That's now, in this very moment.
  It doesn't mean I am sinless. It doesn't mean I can ignore where sin affects various areas of my life. It means that I am not to condemn myself when I fail.
  Repent? Absolutely. As often as it takes.
  Learn? Every day!
  Start over? Yup. That's the joy in living in and through the grace of God. Every day is an opportunity to start afresh, bathed in the forgiveness freely granted because Jesus paid the price.
  Lord, this past year has been an amazing journey. Thank You for revealing more of Yourself to me. I am looking forward to see what the last thirteen affirmations will reveal. Open my heart, mind and spirit to fully embrace a resurrection life. Amen!

I am a Warrior. 2 Corinthians 10:4

 "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds." NKJV
  "We use God's mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments." JCB

  And the greatest of these is love.
  What? Love is a weapon?
  The enemy of our souls knows it. But we don't have to listen to a single toxic thing he says!
  Love holds the door open for someone else. Love says, "Thank you." Love is patient with the old and the young. Love is equipping our children with the skills to thrive on their own. Love is letting them go. Love is discipline and dedication to something greater than ourselves.

  I think of the famous image from the 1960's of a war protester putting a flower in the muzzle of a soldier's gun.
  If anything, Lord, I want to be that flower. I want to be a Warrior who carries the sweet fragrance of faith everywhere. I want to reflect Your beauty wherever ugly raises its head. I want to demonstrate to the lost and the broken there is a better way.
  And it is a better way. It's not easier because vengeance is replaced with compassion. It's not easier because blame is replaced with grace. It's not easier because bitterness is replaced with forgiveness. It's not easier because to love is to let go. Love is to cast away every bullet in our arsenal.
  Can you imagine if every weapon on the planet fired petunias? Can you imagine if every tongue spoke in daisies? Can you imagine if every thought created a bouquet of perfect blossoms? The world would be blanketed with the sweet fragrance of love.

  I am left smiling at the thought because, Lord, there are still some thorns on this warrior, heritage rosebud. You know where they are.

1 John 1:7

  I am walking in His light.
  "But if we walk in the light as He us in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin." NKJV
  "But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, them we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. " JCB

  The sun is shining but the ole brain is foggy this morning. I have realized something. I need the weight of a blanket to sleep well. The house didn't cool down enough for that until three or four this morning.
  It doesn't surprise me. I've heard other trauma survivors say the same thing. It's a security thing. Laying in bed exposed is being vulnerable to the nth degree. Although how much protection a blanket provides is technically zero. Unless it is an armor plated blankie. If that were the case, the clang and rattle would interfere with sleep anyways!

  All of us do things to create a sense of security, often unconsciously.
  I wonder what fearless living would look like? While many of my fears have been purged, the blanket has revealed there are still some in hiding...These fears ought to be running for their lives.
  Why? Because I know Jesus will lead me into understanding. He will grant me the discernment to pluck deeply rooted fears from my soul. He will fill me with grace so I may forgive those who taught me to be afraid. That grace will spill over so I can forgive myself for living in fear.
  Jesus has covered me with His blood, the greatest security blanket in the universe!

I live in Victory. 1 Corinthians 15:57

  "But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. " NKJV
  "But thank God! He gave us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. " JCB

  Once again I left Church with a deeper understanding of God. Yesterday I learned  what El Shaddai means. It has been translated as Almighty God because the root word in Hebrew for El Shaddai translates as mountains. But it could also mean breasts, something the early translators skimmed over or ignored.
  I found this utterly fascinating because while God is the ultimate power, He is also the nurturer and life giver.
  In battle against an enemy, the soldier on the high ground has the advantage. Every time we take the high road, we have already achieved victory over the things of this world determined to see us fail.
  Jesus is our Guide along the mountain trails. I suppose they are paths of righteousness. To take the high road is to be the victor over the enemy who is happy to help us fall from the heights of faith.
   But God isn't only a mountain. Psalm 23 assures us that when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He is with us. He comforts us and leads us into a better place.
  So no matter where we are in life, on a mountain or in the valley, life with God is a victorious one...

  I constantly re-read what is written. Today's post so far feels rather flat, the metaphors feel more like hollow cliches. Maybe it's because today's writing has been treated as a task to get finished ASAP because I've other things to do.
  Lord, thank You for reminding me why I do this.
  This is my morning prayer time and it doesn't matter if it's a mountain day of joy or a valley day of angst, I write because I know You are here.
  And that is the greatest knowledge of all.

I Am Valuable. Luke 12:24

  "Consider the ravens, for they neither sow nor reap, which have neither storehouse nor barn; and God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds?" NKJV
  " Look at the ravens. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than any birds!" JCB

  I have a small weakness. It's those personality tests that pop up on Facebook. I suppose they are like newspaper horoscopes, more for fun than any sort of real truth. However, it always seems that I end up being classified as someone extremely creative who sees things differently. It's silly of me but doing these lighthearted quizzes has helped me understand a bit more about who I am. Even if they have as much validity as a fortune cookie!
  I do have to ask why IQ tests are predominantly math. Why is left brain ability smarter than right brain?

  If only we could see ourselves as God sees us...
  I think it is finally sinking in even if math questions leave me stymied!
  So today I am going to celebrate with awe and wonder and utter delight the gifts of God which make me me.
  First of all, I am. That alone puts indescribable value on every facet of my existence because I am a child of God! Just so you know, dear readers, you are as much His child as I am.

  The greatest gift God has infused my heart, soul and mind with is an unquenchable curiosity about everything. It's the source of fearless ventures into trying new things and accepting new ideas. It has fueled my quest for truth and understanding, for exploring the big questions about faith and God and life in general.

 It has made me a good teacher because I always learn something new from those I encourage to boldly go where they never have gone before.
  Yes. I am a Star Trek fan.
  Hmmm, curiosity is the fuel for writing and composing music. You see, I never have an outcome planned. I simply follow the words or the notes wherever they may lead.
  It's how I garden. It is so delightful to discover what shows up. Unless it's thistles. Anything that bites or pricks or stings isn't welcome. But the rest? The daisies, the milkweed, the tiny pine seedlings...It makes the garden God's treasure box. I can't wait to see what's inside!
  Curiosity asks the question, "Can I do this?"
  I admit freely there are a lot of unsuccessful attempts under my belt. They are simply part of learning and teach me to be more patient because I tend to rush when enthusiasm about a new inspiration moves in.

  Lord, thank You, for this. For filling me with childlike delight as I celebrate the way You created me. Thank You for filling my soul with the deepest gratitude because by acknowledging Your hand in all things, I am humbled.
  There is no shame in humility. Thank You for shattering that particular stronghold that has stolen so much. Amen!
  Today, my spirit soars with the ravens.

Affirmation 281

  I am useful for His glory. Isaiah 43:7
  "Everyone who is called by My name, whom I have created for My glory; I have formed him, Yes, I have made him." NKJV
  "Bring all who claim me as their God, for I made them for my glory. It was I who created them." JCB

  I had a dream last night. It is rare for me to remember but this one woke me. It wasn't a nightmare but a revelation that has me rethinking fear.
  I wish I could remember the details this morning but all that is left is a feeling of peace and curiosity. I vaguely remember an epiphany about when I started being afraid and how layer after layer of fear was added to that moment.
  It feels strange to be sitting here without fear...well maybe not entirely. But mostly.
  Perhaps last night's dream was an infusion of hope, grace and acceptance for all that has happened.

  There has been a lot of big emotions come my way over the last few days. Joy, Yes! My miracle granddaughter arrived in the world yesterday morning. The visit from my childhood friend. Because of her visit, another childhood friend connected with me.
  Big emotions. A couple or three hours of piano playing helped to pare them down into not so overwhelming. It's helped me realize how complicated feelings are! Laughter and tears...I don't need to be afraid of either joy or sorrow any more.
  I am eternally grateful the Lord turned the emotion switch on. There was a victory yesterday because the sorrows stirred up didn't suck me down into the Black River. I think there has finally been some closure. Is that why so much fear is gone?
  Maybe the greatest thing I can do to glorify my Lord is to live fearlessly and boldly. Maybe I can finally embrace relationships without the fear of loss holding my heart back. Yes, Lord, that means with you as well!
 
 

I have understanding. 2 Timothy 2:7

  "Consider what I say, and may the Lord give you understanding in all things." NKJV
  "Think about what I am saying. The Lord will help you understand all these things." JCB

  Yesterday was the sort of day the body yearns for in the midst of February snows. The sky was the illusive, perfect blue painters aspire to capture on canvas but never seem to get just right. The air was scented with peonies in full bloom. A rare treat because it usually rains hard the day after they open, turning the massive flowers into sodden, bedraggled mush. A soft and luscious green feasted the eyes from earth to sky, seeming to pulse with the joy of being alive.
  Add to this a reunion of old friends...it will be one of the great days cemented into my memory.
  We hadn't seen each other in 39 years. Geography and life had us going our separate ways.
     Time and distance melted into oblivion with a hug that celebrated our reconnection.
  My heart is full of huge emotions today so I am going to leave off here and head into the centre for a bit. May your day be blessed!
 
 

Affirmation #279

   I am unblemished. Colossians 1:22
  "In the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight--" NKJV
  "Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in His physical body. As a result, he has brought you into His own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault." JCB

  Resurrection life. It's simple in concept...we ask to be forgiven. We are forgiven. Voila! It is finished, our sins forgotten.
  I never thought about holding a grudge as being something I hold over my own head...
  How can I live a resurrection life if I keep putting one foot in the grave? The grave being the pit containing the joy devouring, insatiable, slandering inner critic. The critic that takes such pleasure in reminding me of past mistakes.
  The barriers to living a wonderful and blessed resurrection life are all in my head. Literally.
  And I smile...you'd think after 279 affirmations something would sink in!

  Maybe more has than I think. Does this make me an optimistic pessimist? Hmmm, it would appear I am back to exploring the duality of the human experience. Good vs. Evil.
  Hold on a second! Evil has already lost.

  So what? Do I need to give myself permission to be happy? Ouch. Now there's a revelation that tugs at my heart because there is nothing to fear in joy. Amen to that!
  There is nothing to fear.  Ever. At all. Because Jesus is with me. He is the overflowing, unquenchable source of my joy. In Him I am a new creation and have been all along from the moment we met.
  Lord, let me embrace a resurrection life. Let it be a joyous, liberating adventure in Jesus's name I pray. Amen! May all that I do and say and think glorify You.

I Am Upright Psalm 7:10

  "My defense is of God, who saves the upright in heart." NKJV
  "God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right." JCB

  My laptop had a hissy fit this morning, refusing to start up so it's going to be a long slog. My tiny tablet means one fingered typing which, when I think about having started this blog with only a phone...is unbelievable luxury! There will be typos.
  My first reaction to this passage was to think about the type of people God saves. It's wonderful how Jesus turned this Old Testament idea on its head. He came to save sinners.
  Jesus means God will welcome us into His arms just as we are because He isn't concerned with outer appearances. It's our hearts that matter.

  I am incredibly excited today because a childhood friend is coming to visit on Monday with her husband and son. We haven't seen each other since I was 13 or so. She was my first Ontario friend after we had moved here from Nova Scotia. From grade 6 to 9, she was my best friend. Until her family moved to Texas.
  We lost touch but a few years ago, we reconnected via FB. Sometimes social media is a good and wonderful thing.

  I can only imagine God's joy when someone comes to Him.
  Our brokenness doesn't need to be fixed. Our inner house doesn't need to be spotlessly clean. The garden of our soul can be overrun with weeds.
  Come as you are.

 

I am Upheld. Psalm 37:17

  "For the arms of the wicked shall be broken, But the Lord upholds the righteous." NKJV
  "For the strength of the wicked shall be shattered, but the Lord takes care of the Godly." JCB

  There was a time when I would have read a passage like this and thought that God was a god of punishment and vengeance; that unless we toe the line...God will abandon us.
  Anabaptists are encouraged to read the Old Testament as a road map leading to the life, teachings, and death of Jesus. It's one of many ideals I really like about my new faith. This philosophy has reshaped how I think about today's passage.

  Yes, the strength of the wicked will be shattered because once the realization comes that we can't do it on our own, under our own power...Jesus is waiting with arms open wide.
 
  No matter the choices we have made. No matter how much evil had a hold on our lives. No matter if we mocked the idea of God...Jesus will welcome us home. He will then gently and lovingly lead us into righteousness.
  Jesus is a kind and patient teacher. It's okay not to get it right the first time. Or the second. Or third. As long as we keep trying, He will honour those efforts.
 
  I have just realized, evil is the utter absence of love. Jesus is the epitome of love.

  Which has me thinking about some of my own struggles with sin, where the devil has stepped in and happily makes a mess of things. It is his world after all.
  But, I am God's child. Nothing will ever take that away.

  And I've been blessed with the most amazing tool to overcome the sin in my life. Thank You for this gift!
  Some Christians ask, "What would Jesus do?" because Jesus responds to everything through love's lens.
  Lord, the question to ask myself is, "What would Love do?"
  I pray it will lead me into a deeper understanding of Your ways.

  Lord, I am going to need a lot of help because this isn't just about loving others, it's about loving myself, too.
 

I am United with Christ. Romans 6:5

  "For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection." NKJV
  "Since we have been united with him in his death, we will also be raised to life as he was." JCB

  The best part is we don't have to wait to die to be raised to life.

  I've only 25 affirmations left to go, including today's. In true human form I have been looking at the upcoming finale with some trepidation and a whole whack of questions. What comes next? What direction will my blog take? What will inspire the writing? And the scariest of all, what if there isn't anything to write?
  And I smile at my foolishness. I don't have to wait for the death of anything to know it will be the birthplace of life. All beginnings start with an ending.
  Will there be a sense of loss? Oh, for sure. Yet there will also be a wonderful sense of accomplishment. Yin and yang. Good and bad. North and south. Two opposites equal any given singularity or event.
  Lord, it would seem mathematics are an integral part of discovering who You are! It's the strangest math I've ever explored...especially since at one time I struggled with multiplication tables. But that's part of being raised to life through Jesus Christ, isn't it? The ability to see things beyond the limits of our understanding.
  Thank You, Lord for the gift of the Holy Spirit.
 
  We don't have to wait to die to be raised to life...

  Perhaps the Beatitudes in Mathew 5 is a good place to start uncovering a deeper understanding of the unity of duality. Every verse reveals the need to reset my black and white mind because in You, Jesus, and through Your grace every single experience, every single event, is an opportunity to live a resurrection life.

I am Understood. Ephesians 1:8

"Which He made (redemption, forgiveness and grace) to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence." NKJV
  "He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding." JCB

  Once again, Sunday's teaching contained a nugget that blew me away. I never knew that Bethlehem, the birthplace of Christ, meant "House of Bread".
  The ramifications are staggering because when I reflect on everything God did to arrange the life of Jesus...everything that happened through the course of time led to Jesus, the Bread of Life, and the utter defeat of the devil through the Cross. Even before time had meaning, it was already finished.
  God's decision to send Himself to earth wasn't a spur of the moment decision. Giving us the Holy Spirit wasn't a last minute idea. Giving us His Word in printed form so we could continually know His Son was part of the plan all along.
  Boom!! It's simply too big for this mere mortal to grasp.

  If I believe I have an Abba Father who is capable of such intricate plans, how can I not believe He has an intimate knowledge of everything about me?
  Then I have to think about how I think. Mortal knowledge doesn't necessarily mean understanding because understanding can be skewed by experiences that twist perceptions. I fly with broken wings.
  Divine knowledge is understanding! How could it be anything but?

  There is a line from the movie Avatar, "I see you."
  When I first heard it, every fibre of my being cried out with a desperate longing for someone to say those beautiful words to me; for someone to see past my barriers, my put on persona, my public face. Only now do I realize that Someone has all along.
  It was I who needed to see Him.

  God knows how I think and feel. He knows my joys and the things that set my heart to weeping. He knows how to get me laughing at myself for my foolishness. Laughter has often been the birthplace of rueful repentance and freely given forgiveness.

  I am nothing without Him: my Light, my Life and my Hope.
  In Him I can still soar with broken wings because He understands utterly and completely everything about me.

I am Unafraid. Isaiah 51:12

  "(The Lord says.) I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you should be afraid of a man who will die, and of the son of a man who will be made like grass?"
  "I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?"

  Today's affirmation strikes deep into my heart because I am afraid of people.
  Is this because I was taught to be afraid?
  An abuser is adept at it, instilling fear into the one being abused. It could be through physical violence but emotional abuse is an effective weapon for enforcing a hierarchy of fear. There is the controlled and the controller.
  I've said a few things lately to different people which has me realizing there are still ghosts in the closet from my previous life. It's time to finish what was started, to exorcise these unwanted guests once and for all. An opportunity to take part in a six to eight week Art Therapy session starting today will provide the help I need to work through all this. That is if this is where the Lord wants me to go. I lift it to You, Abba.

  So how did I end up in a situation that slowly got worse over the course of two decades.
  The relationship with my ex started well. I fell in love with him, a vibrant, dedicated, hard working man. I fell in love with two children who desperately needed a mom. It was a relationship not entered into lightly because of the children. The unexpected gift of my own son was the catalyst that led to a deeper commitment. He needed a dad.
  My engagement ring had a heart shaped solitaire diamond but we had two small stones set into the band on either side: one for the daughter and one for the son who would become mine. A visible sign of commitment to the man and the two children I promised I would never leave.

  Maybe that's part of my fear of people. It's not people I am afraid of, it's opening my heart that is utterly terrifying. The wounds run deep.
  So how do I become unafraid of being hurt when hurt is such a part of this world? How do I become unafraid of inflicting hurt on someone else? It works both ways because I am just as broken as those who have hurt me.
  That's a humbling thought.
  It would appear there's a large gathering of guilt ghosts in the closet as well.

  Lord, I've just scratched the surface on this. Give me wings so I may fly fearlessly into whatever future You bring my way. Grant me clarity to understand and overcome the hidden nuances shaping the fears I live in now. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!

  Dear readers, please pray for me as I embark on another journey into the depths of the Black River.
 
 
 

I am Triumphant 2 Corinthians 2:14

  "Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and through us diffuses the fragrance of His knowledge in every place." NKJV
  "But thanks be to God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ's triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume." JCB

  June rolled in with a bang. The tail end of a tropical storm worked its way north from the Gulf of Mexico bringing stupefying 32 (feels like 40) degree heat and humidity along with some rumbling thunderstorms. A couple of weekends ago, my furnace kicked in. Somewhere along the line we appear to have missed spring.
  I was talking to a person who had recently immigrated to Canada. She asked me why Canadians were so weather obsessed. For me, it's because there is such a variety. Not just season to season but hour to hour.
  A couple months passed, and she laughingly shared that she, too, had caught the weather bug and fully understood our fascination with the elements.

  Did you know that sand from the Sahara blows right across the Atlantic Ocean to the shores of South America? The mineral rich, dusty cloud acts as fertilizer in the sea and on land. This little bit of trivia blew me away the first time I heard it.
  God did not overlook the smallest detail when He designed this planet. The winds that bear Sahara sands are crucial to ocean health.

  If my faith was as great as the Sahara...Can you imagine the impact it would have?
  Why am I thinking about having a huge impact when one rain drop has the ability to generate the greatest of ripples?
  It's the day to day kindnesses. It's having grace and forgiveness. It's faith in my Lord that enables me to carry His light into the world. It's having people see the victories Christ has manifested in my life. It's placing my trust in God when storms blow my way.
  That's the fragrance all believers carry everywhere we go.
  Maybe I am a Sahara after all.