I am Unafraid. Isaiah 51:12

  "(The Lord says.) I, even I, am He who comforts you. Who are you that you should be afraid of a man who will die, and of the son of a man who will be made like grass?"
  "I, yes I, am the one who comforts you. So why are you afraid of mere humans, who wither like the grass and disappear?"

  Today's affirmation strikes deep into my heart because I am afraid of people.
  Is this because I was taught to be afraid?
  An abuser is adept at it, instilling fear into the one being abused. It could be through physical violence but emotional abuse is an effective weapon for enforcing a hierarchy of fear. There is the controlled and the controller.
  I've said a few things lately to different people which has me realizing there are still ghosts in the closet from my previous life. It's time to finish what was started, to exorcise these unwanted guests once and for all. An opportunity to take part in a six to eight week Art Therapy session starting today will provide the help I need to work through all this. That is if this is where the Lord wants me to go. I lift it to You, Abba.

  So how did I end up in a situation that slowly got worse over the course of two decades.
  The relationship with my ex started well. I fell in love with him, a vibrant, dedicated, hard working man. I fell in love with two children who desperately needed a mom. It was a relationship not entered into lightly because of the children. The unexpected gift of my own son was the catalyst that led to a deeper commitment. He needed a dad.
  My engagement ring had a heart shaped solitaire diamond but we had two small stones set into the band on either side: one for the daughter and one for the son who would become mine. A visible sign of commitment to the man and the two children I promised I would never leave.

  Maybe that's part of my fear of people. It's not people I am afraid of, it's opening my heart that is utterly terrifying. The wounds run deep.
  So how do I become unafraid of being hurt when hurt is such a part of this world? How do I become unafraid of inflicting hurt on someone else? It works both ways because I am just as broken as those who have hurt me.
  That's a humbling thought.
  It would appear there's a large gathering of guilt ghosts in the closet as well.

  Lord, I've just scratched the surface on this. Give me wings so I may fly fearlessly into whatever future You bring my way. Grant me clarity to understand and overcome the hidden nuances shaping the fears I live in now. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!

  Dear readers, please pray for me as I embark on another journey into the depths of the Black River.