Repairs

  “Jesus responded, “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”” John 11:40

  My tools were inadequate for the job. It wasn’t a big job. It wasn’t a job relating to reno preparation. It was simply a small bit of home maintenance. Rural mailboxes are at the side of the road, not hanging on the house. My mailbox post was leaning, on the verge of falling over completely. Getting hammered by snow cast off from passing plows tearing by had bent the box out of shape over the winter so the door wouldn’t close properly.

  A couple of years ago I had received a note from Canada Post that the mailbox needed to be higher for the mailman so I’d done a quick fix with some scrap wood. It wasn’t very securely anchored to the ground. I was surprised it lasted as long as it did. The original, too short, metal post was still out there at the side of the road. It had been set in cement so removing it was a bigger task than I cared to tackle.

  I squeezed the metal box back into shape and knocked out a couple of dents. The door now works.

  So here am I with a hammer and a hand held screwdriver trying to fasten the box to the old post, making it the correct height with a hunk of 4x4 and another hunk of 2x6. The street address sign is on its own metal post; what country folk call our fire number but has evolved over the years to be a street address. It made a lot of noise as I attempted to hammer it into the ground.

  It made enough noise my neighbour’s dad came over to see what I was up to.

  “You need a bigger hammer,” he pointed out the obvious as he watched me tippity-tap away.

  It took all my will not to roll my eyes at this and to acknowledge his presence just might be a gift. I smiled instead. “This is the biggest one I’ve got.”

  “No worries,” he replied, “I have a sledge hammer in my truck. I’ll go get it.” (He is a home handyman so I assume his truck is his toolbox.) A half dozen taps and the address post was securely in the ground. I must have banged it at least forty times and achieved half as much!

  Then he went and got his powerful, cordless drill to use in lieu of my hand held, brute force required screwdriver. With his help, it only took a few minutes to finish re-installing the mailbox.

  All it needs now is a coat of paint but it snowed yesterday (ewwww!) which means it’s too cold to paint. It would probably be better to wait for a weekend as well so the mailman doesn’t end up with paint on him or his vehicle.

  I know it isn’t as exciting as Jesus raising someone from the dead but this little miracle, in the form of a neighbour’s dad, was a blessing. It challenged me to allow him to help. It challenged me to stand aside as he wielded the sledge. It challenged me to be on the receiving end of aid, of a prince rescuing this damsel in distress. (Chuckle. I never think of myself that way!) Not that I was really in distress, just lacking the right tools for the job. On my own I would have eventually succeeded. Or maybe not. Who knows?

  So there is the lesson. I am not on my own. Ever. While asking for help is one of my greatest challenges, this serves as a reminder that I can. Or if I can’t, God will provide aid when needed. Especially when I go all stubborn and don’t think I need any help at all!

  Maybe I need to stop telling myself that asking for help is a challenge. Maybe part of being a follower of Jesus is allowing others to bless us.

  And to be grateful.

Breathe!!!!

  “Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.” Ezekiel 37:9

  There was much accomplished this weekend. The basement is organized. The last of the flower beds have been cleaned out.

  Still, I find myself distracted from matters of faith. It’s hard to focus on the blog which is my daily meditation of God’s Word. Random thoughts, ideas, plans for the reno keep popping up. The to-do list hovers over my heart and soul as I wrestle with the huge amount of work that needs to be done. This also includes the normal chores for the day and the season. 

  The grass needs cutting. The front deck needs staining. The shed windows and door need painting.

  Inside, I will have to move half the house. All the contents in the cupboards, my art corner, the linen closet, the pantry unit. My closet will have to be emptied as well because that’s where the access to the attic is. (Forgive me if I keep repeating myself.)

  So thoughts of purging: what to keep, what to toss or donate have taken over for the time being.

  Then I wonder how on earth I acquired so much!

  I’ve wondered that a lot as I look around. If stuff is a barometer of wealth, I am a rich woman.

  But stuff doesn’t give life. If anything it takes it away. It becomes burdensome, a responsibility…a distraction.

  And I feel it. Random snatches of worship lyrics zip through my thoughts only to be cut short by the TO-DO’s. The blog has become a to-do as well.

  But that’s backwards. Perhaps I need to prioritize my day better. No…there’s no perhaps about it. I must decide what is important!

  The blog, my conversations with God, keep my bones from drying out.  Each post feels a fresh breath fill my soul. Even the ones about nightmares because taking this time opens up my heart to God’s voice.

  

  So maybe I don’t need to be so hard on myself either. (Smile.) Of course I am distracted! And that’s okay. It’s also okay if I end up not writing as often over the next few months. It’s also okay if I use this forum to brainstorm and prioritize the list because, right now, it is the most important thing that is happening in my life. I can also use it to celebrate accomplishments! Without God, there wouldn't be any!

  I guess the breath breathes grace into my soul, too. And I sigh a great big sigh of relief.

This Might be Disturbing

   A long pause.

  I don’t seem to be getting anywhere this morning. It’s one of those mornings following a night of disquieting dreams. Something about a haunted bedroom and an un-stuffed teddy bear woke me up a couple of times. It was disturbing seeing the pile of plush fabric which I knew was the bear lying flattened and twisted on the bed.

  Making teddy bears means I’ve seen them like this because this is what they look like before they are stuffed. I have no idea why the image was so creepy. Maybe because, in the dream, I’d stuffed it and whatever was in the room un-stuffed it. I think that’s how it went.

  Freud would have a hay day with this.

  I don’t remember what else I dreamed but it’s left me feeling ill at ease on this gray, rainy morning.

  It might be something to do with the med reduction. I’ll have to monitor the quality of my sleep and see if this holds true. I hope not. A good night’s sleep is so important!

  Maybe I was foolish in watching The Nature of Things with David Suzuki last night. It was about a fungal spore that invades the brains of ants in the Brazilian rain forest and manipulates them. It can affect rats and humans as well. Apparently a third of the human population is infected. Now that’s creepy!

  It causes mammals to lose their fear mechanisms. The rats will boldly go into an open area because the spore wants them eaten so it can spread through cat feces. That’s how most humans get infected. It’s why pregnant women are told to stay away from their cat’s litter box. The spore is dangerous to an unborn child.

  Fear is an important part of being safe but the people infected tend to take greater risks. In areas where the rate of infection is higher it has an impact on the structure of the society in general.

  Scientists are studying the spores to see if there may be a way to help people with chronic anxiety or phobias that impact their daily lives. This might take a while because the scientists have yet to isolate how a single celled spore has the ability to control the mind, especially one as complex as ours.

  Out of evil, good will come!

  Although, sometimes too much information isn’t a good thing.

  So, hopefully the shadows will dissipate through the course of the day. I pray there will be a whole lot of laughter! AMEN!

  And I will end with a smile anyways…

  “There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise.” Proverbs 26:12

Your Kingdom Come

“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:16-17

  While yesterday was a day of repentance, today is a day for the holes left by forgiven sin to be filled with the light, the life and the truth of Jesus Christ. Today is a day for exploring Kingdom living.

 

  A long pause simply because I am unsure of what this looks like so bear with me while I Triple T this concept.

  I entered God’s Kingdom the moment I embraced Jesus as Lord. All the things that were once important to me fell away. Things like the pursuit of wealth for wealth’s sake. That sort of wealth came with a boat load of debt. I have discovered the joy of living free of the need for the latest techno gadget or the bigger TV or the latest fashion to simply possess such things. (Smile.) I never was one for fashion anyways.

  The renovations are a necessity, part of the stewardship of the home God blessed me with. (Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude!) I am not doing them to have a better kitchen than my neighbour! There’s a big difference in the heart between the two approaches.

  I suppose the best part of Kingdom living is being able to give up the pursuit of happiness. At one time I thought being rich meant being happy but I have come to realize that true happiness is poured out through the love of God and through loving Him and loving others.

  

  And maybe that’s all there is to this Kingdom: love.

  Sometimes I stumble. A poor night’s sleep can make me cranky. I also admit to having an imperfect understanding of love. For a long time I was even afraid of love, of loving. (Smile.) I still am but the Lord has brought people into my life who model God’s kind of love so I can learn to let go of the fear. He has also provided safe places for me to practice loving others; good friends who have been supplied with an ample dose of grace for my fumbling around and mistakes.

  I think this is the best part of the Kingdom. It’s not about understanding everything right away because we can’t! It takes time. It takes a willingness to be wrong. It takes a conscious choice to pursue knowledge. It takes a decision to let go of all the things that have kept me apart from the love of God. It takes a choice to walk away from the things that interfere with my quest for the Holy Grail. I don’t always, hence the confession yesterday. (Smile.) 

  Confession for me is a daily occurrence. Confession is the beginning of growth because if I don't know what is broken, it can't be fixed.

  I won’t say it has been easy. I definitely won’t say I have arrived! (Smile.)

  What I know for certain is God has, is and will honour my prayers, my desire, to further understand His Kingdom.

I Confess

  “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor?” Mathew 5:13

  Confession is good so today will be a day of confession; of admitting what is coming between God and me. You see, I have felt apart from Him for a while now. Some of it is my own doing by allowing myself to be distracted by shallow entertainment in the form of too much TV, too much game playing on the tablet, too many wasted hours.

  Forgive me, Lord, for using media to distract me from life.

  I admit these things are symptomatic coping strategies used to hide from the overwhelming decisions and tasks needed to make the renovation happen. I am a terrible procrastinator although yesterday saw a great deal accomplished.

  Thank You, Lord, with Your help, I will be able to do all that is needed. Forgive me for procrastinating.

  The bonfire/yard clean up got rained out so I spent several hours in the basement removing a false wall, some shelving and the old workshop bench because they were in the way of the stairs. I moved the laundry tub because it would have been in the way of a plumber when they come to redo the pipes for the new kitchen and bath.

  But that is only one day. There’s more to spend down there reorganizing so the workers can easily access the chimney and the floor beneath the bathroom.

  Forgive me Lord, for feeling I need to do everything in one go. Thank You for reminding me I have time to do all that is needed. Help me figure out a way to break all the tasks down into manageable pieces. If that means a list, don’t let me be overwhelmed by the list! If that means spending only one hour a day doing what is needed, help me be content with that and not feel pressured to try and squeeze in more. Maybe I need to learn more about healthy boundaries!

  I also have to admit to being worried. My psychiatrist has prescribed a change in one of my meds to a lower dose. It’s one that helps with the anxiety. It is scary not knowing how this will affect my anxiety level which is pretty high right now. 

   Forgive me Lord for being anxious because I know this particular med is hard on my liver and kidneys. It is best if I could get off it all together. Thank You for giving me a wise doctor. Thank You, if the need arises, he will be able to suggest an alternative with minimal side effects. 

  Forgive me for feeling that there is an issue with being anxious about the renovations! It is understandable and "normal" to feel this way! Thank You, Lord, for teaching me about grace.

    

  Second guessing my decisions is a big part of what is keeping me apart from God. Thinking about everything then thinking it all over again is a vicious circle. Is it right? Will it work? What if it’s wrong?

  Forgive me, Lord, for doubting myself and the gifts You have given me. Thank You that my creativity and artistic ability have guided me into creating a beautiful space for my home: a space that will be perfect. Thank You for Your provision that all this is possible!

  But then, I have to also be thankful for God’s inspiration on so many levels! There was an “Ah-Ha!” moment about how to rebuild my kitchen table so it will be small enough for daily use in the new space but will keep the drop leafs to seat more people. The rebuild will allow for storage underneath so it doesn’t end up buried in stuff like it usually is. Thank You for the skills that can make this possible! Besides, if I mess it up, I can always look for a new table!

 

  God, You are faithful. You are present even when I am not. Let this renovation and all the other day to day concerns be wrapped in me learning how to lean on You even more.

  Forgive me for feeling I have to do everything by myself. Forgive me for resenting this. Maybe part of the learning will mean asking for help. I don’t do that very well. I know why. Forgive me for continuing to believe the lies behind the why.

  Lord, I am a child of the Light. In You I can do all things. Let me be at peace, resting in the assurance You are with me. AMEN!

Bee Busy

  “Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise!” Proverbs 6:6

  It seems as though spring arrived all of a sudden. A day of rain and the grass exploded in green. Crocuses are blooming. The daffodils are budding. The birds are singing. And there’s a load of work to do in the garden.

  I have to go get a burn permit from the town to get rid of the brush and leaves I gathered yesterday. It’s sitting in the wheelbarrow waiting to be added to the fire. There are at least two more loads waiting to be cleaned out of the remaining flowerbeds.

  I had to do some transplanting yesterday as well. There is one small flowerbed at the side of the house that had lavender growing in it. It was in the way of where the addition is going to be. The rocks that made it can wait. So can the pathway that will be obsolete. I can tear all that up closer to the date.

  It looks like there are rain clouds gathering so I’ll wrap this up and get to work.

  If I don’t make it, there’s work in the basement that needs doing to clear the area for the workmen to do whatever needs to be done.

  Maybe, along with all this spring cleaning, I can do some spring purging because, boy, there is a lot of stuff down there!

  So, ants, I will learn from you and get as busy as a bee!

A Joyful Noise

“And they were singing the song of Moses, “Great and marvelous are your works, O Lord God, the Almighty. Just and true are your ways.”” Revelation 15:3

  It’s been a whirlwind of busy mornings lately with being involved in both the Good Friday and Easter services at church.

  Good Friday’s service included a first for me…a solo performance on the flute, played while the congregation made their way to the front to partake of Communion. The piano and bass guitar added depth to the music so I guess it wasn’t really a total solo. I simply played the melody.

  The best part? There were zero nerves! (Thank You, Lord!) I was utterly amazed/delighted by this.

  The second best part is a growing appreciation for the sweet, rich sound of my new flute. She is an instrument meant to sing on her own which is why she was chosen in the first place. I am glad I play well enough to do her justice and produce a sound that brings joy to others. That’s what it’s all about anyways.

  I have often wondered about the role the Lord will assign me in Heaven. Will the earthly pleasure of making a joyful noise unto the Lord continue? Can you imagine the music if there is no need to breathe? There would be no mistakes, no squeaks, no missed notes. Would a flute be able to create sounds never heard on earth? Would the rules of engineering and physics be wiped away?

  What if the flute was made of light instead of mere mortal silver!

  Oh, Lord, I can almost hear it!

  Would this also include playing the piano for a spell? It would be the grand piano of all pianos where the freed notes float through Heaven as tangible fragments of living light. Light that swirls and dances in worship of the Lamb. Heaven would be a place where age stiffened fingers no longer hampers the song.

  And then I could sing, making up songs to worship the Lord as I once did as a child; innocently and without fear or shame or doubt or bedtimes.

  And I am reminded that earthly worship wafts up to heaven; the sweet fragrance of our praise pleasing to the Lord. AMEN!

At last!!

  “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemies!’ But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” Mathew 5:43-44

  This has been the most challenging of Jesus’ teachings to get a handle on but it is slowly making sense. Trying to figure out what loving an enemy looks like has taken a great deal of thought because, to be honest, I didn't think I could.  I have wrestled with believing love was only found in a relationship until I finally realized we can love without one.

  Jesus doesn’t command that we be friends. He doesn’t say to keep them close. He doesn’t say welcome them into our home.

  He asks that we forgive them. This is an act of love for our enemies (and for God as well.) Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes, not so much. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes we can’t do it on our own but we are not on our own.  We have Jesus to show us how once we make the choice to forgive. It is a choice because God has given us free will.

  I had thought that forgiveness in action meant being in a relationship with those who have hurt me enough to warrant forgiveness in the first place. I thought that being able to have a relationship with them was a barometer of just how much they had been forgiven.

  But I don’t think God tests us that way.  Or maybe He does but I think not all of us are called to take this step. Maybe, down the road, this will happen to me but for now to forgive is enough. I am going to have to trust Him on this.

  My friend, H, shared a teaching from Richard Rhor. He says the way to “love” my enemy is to desire justice for them. This is completely different than seeking justice. Seeking justice comes from the idea of having revenge. Wanting justice for them means leaving it up to God as to how He deals with my enemy. It’s an easy prayer.

  “Lord, give them the good things they deserve and deal with the negative stuff according to Your wisdom.” Justice might contain mercy or chastisement.

  Smile. I’ve been on the receiving end of both. Love means admitting my enemy deserves good things because they are God’s creations…I have to admit that’s a challenge at times.

  The Lord just blessed me with a light bulb moment…Wanting good things for them is a figurative way of turning the other cheek!

  Loving my enemy means being able to acknowledge they are as broken as I am. Loving my enemy means admitting God loves them as much as me.

  Loving my enemy means extending grace…there’s that cheek again. Grace is an offspring of love.

  There are countless people who have come and gone in my life. I have been the enemy. I have persecuted others for their faith, their skin colour, their weight, their gender...and much, much more. I have caused hurt. I have been cruel.

  God has forgiven me for these things. I can only pray those I have harmed will be able to as well, that God will heal them of the wounds I inflicted.

  It doesn’t mean I need to be invited over for a cup of coffee.

  Thank You, Lord, for this humbling reminder and for leading me into understanding. Let me learn how to put the idea of loving my enemy into tangible actions. In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!

Triple T #4378

“You have heard the law that says, “Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.” But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” Mathew 5:43-44

  Of all the commands of Jesus, I find this one the hardest to live up to. I don’t do very well at loving people who have broken my trust or hurt me. I have to wonder if this is because of my history, of the time when I have allowed people to hurt me again and again because I thought this was the price of being loved. (Boy, it makes me sad to realize I thought that way for such a long time.)

  I do know better now but I think there are some residual misunderstandings that need deconstructing, or a time of thinking things through (Triple T.)

  Hmmm, I just realized Jesus doesn’t insist we remain in relationship with those who have hurt us. He only commands us to pray for them.

  I can do that…I think.

  So here’s the challenge in this: to think about what caused the hurt in the first place. I know a main reason. Most often hurts happen because, in some form or another, they devalue me as a person. Or maybe I am extremely sensitive to such things, having such a new and fragile sense of worth. I go all Momma Bear when something happens to rock that belief because it was a long, hard battle to believe this truth in the first place! That is, if I can react at all in the moment. Mostly I end up stunned and need time to process what happened.

  Can I pray for a day my reaction is rooted in that same sense of worth? A day when I am able to retaliate with prayer instead of condemnation and anger? And, yes, fear.

  The boogie man in my closet is being afraid of losing my grasp on the truth. It was hidden from me for such a long time. Lord, I am angry about this. There’s grief, too, that has yet to be processed. The anger is just one facet of that.

  The boogie man is the enemy of my soul who would be very happy for me to turn away from the truth. Some of his weapons are humiliation, neglect, disregard, callousness, doubt and shame. In the past they have succeeded in crushing my spirit. Nothing he does is new. He can only repeat what he did when his efforts succeeded. But that was then, this is now and I am a new creation in Christ. Each and every day, I am new again!

   I do have to ask how the enemy manages to turn a sense of worth into one of questioning if this is prideful or not!

  Sigh. These are big thoughts.

  I need to clarify something so bear with me…A sense of worth, a gift of God, has its foundation in humility; a humility that is entrenched in the acknowledgement that without God I am nothing. Without His gift of value, I would not be able to pray for my enemy. I would not be able to see the value in others. (This is a work in progress.)

  Smile. I want to do better. It takes practice to walk in the confident belief that what God shows me is right and true. It takes practice for new behaviours, new ideas, to replace the old. So let’s leave room for grace to work in and through this season of learning and unlearning.

  And, Lord, forgive me for hurting others because I do although it is never my intention.

  Lord, there is so much to be thankful for. AMEN!

Deconstructing A Slap

  “If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.” Jesus says in Mathew 5:39

  I have to thank my friend H for sharing a teaching from the Institute of Catholic Culture about this passage. It finally clarified what this means!

  This also fits in with my own church’s teaching about Doubt, Deconstruction, and Jesus. I am going to try and deconstruct my literal understanding about this passage and replace it with a metaphorical one. It makes sense.  Jesus uses metaphors all the time in His teaching. 

  To start with, all that comes to mind is two armored knights facing each other. One removes his gauntlet and slaps the other across the face. It’s a scene many a comedy has made fun of. What happens next is where these knights have drifted away from the teachings of Jesus.

  They end up battling each other because a slap across the face is a direct assault on the other’s honour. It is by no means a killing blow, but an insulting one. Insult is met by insult.

  I think the same tableau can find itself re-enacted throughout time. In the 1600-1700’s the slap of a cotton glove becomes a challenge to duel with pistols at ten yards. At least one person will die, if not both, in this personal battle to protect a puffed up, pride filled understanding of honour.

  Then there are the ladies who slap their suitors across the face when their honour is compromised by unwanted advances. Again, insult is met by insult.

  Somewhere along the line the idea of honour became synonymous with pride.

  Pride is not honour.

  What?

  Pride is self serving. Honour serves others.

  Honour is the gift of worth, of value, of esteem. Honour is humility in action.

  Then there is the idea of offense. It is only received when it is taken.

   Hmmm, it appears I need to turn the other cheek more often because being offended hampers the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is love in action.

  Besides, the left cheek is closer to the heart!

  

  One more thought about the history of cheek slapping. A slap was resolved by killing. While the days of legal duels to the death have gone, I am suddenly faced with the idea of mental murder, wished on my enemies; enemies who are simply enemies because they have offended me. May God have mercy on me.

  PS.I also want to thank my readers for their prayers. The torn muscle in my back is greatly improved. The soreness has resolved into a dull ache instead of the painful, breath stealing spasms. I am glad it’s aching though because it will remind me to be careful over the next little.

  God bless your day! AMEN!

Keep Seeking, Knocking

  “That Sunday evening, the disciples were meeting behind locked doors because they were afraid of the Jewish leaders. Suddenly Jesus was standing there among them.” John 20:19

  This is a quote from the notes handed out yesterday,

  Faith is not a blind leap into the pond, rather, a long walk around the lake.

  This is going to be a short post. I have wrenched the big muscle that runs around the back of the rib cage. I have no idea how but it makes sitting and typing an exercise of agony. Please pray for a quick healing because this muscle is used for everything!

  It will give me plenty of time to ponder on the importance of doubt to a healthy faith.

How?

 “Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem at the Passover celebration, many began to trust in him. But Jesus didn’t trust them, because he knew all about people. No one needed to tell him about human nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart.” John 2:23-25

  I have to give thanks for being led to this passage this morning. There is a question, a concern, which has plagued me since I became a follower of Jesus. I’ve wrestled with how forgiveness is manifested when it comes to loving my enemies. I’ve forgiven them but made the choice to exclude them from my life whenever possible.

  They are not trustworthy. (Is this a judgement or is it discernment? Or neither, when history has proven this time and again?)

  But how does this work itself out when Jesus has commanded us to love our enemies, to turn the other cheek? Does this not imply having some sort of relationship with them?

  Jesus allowed Judas to travel with Him, learn from Him even though He knew Judas would betray Him.

  Why did Judas stay with Him in the first place?

  I know there was a great deal of status in being a Rabbi’s disciple. It was a pathway to wealth, power, and leadership. Was it Jesus’ teaching about living humbly and modestly that caused him to turn away? Even though he had seen Jesus work God’s miracles he was a man enthralled by money! The thirty pieces of silver he was paid to betray Jesus was a hefty chunk of change.

  In the end, though, the silver wasn’t enough once Judas realized what the Pharisees had planned all along: to kill the Man he loved.

  I suppose I am at a great disadvantage here simply because I do not know what lay in someone else’s heart.

  Yet, God placed Judas in the hands of Jesus because Judas had a role to play in order to fulfill the Scriptures about the Messiah: that He would be born of Man, live, die and ascend to Heaven. In fact, Jesus released Judas to do what he needed to do in order for this to happen.

  Another passage comes to mind. I’m not sure where it is but it is cautionary. We are not to cast our pearls before swine.

  And I grow frustrated and no further ahead than when I started. Maybe this isn’t something I can work out on my own even though I have the Spirit to guide me. Perhaps my swirling, convoluted emotions about the people involved are hampering my understanding. (Smile.)Yes, they are!

  Lord, I lift this up to You. Grant me clarity. Lead me into truth. Make me open to hearing an answer I may not like.  In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!

Tough Questions, No Easy Answers

  “God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17

  During a conversation about my faith yesterday, a question was posed. It’s one I hadn’t thought about before but definitely needs to be explored.

  To paraphrase the question my psychiatrist asked me, “As a person of faith, what do you think about Canada’s legal rights to medically assisted suicide (MAID)?”  This good doctor primarily serves oncology patients.

  I was rather taken aback. As I said, it isn’t a topic that had ever fallen under my radar. My doctor shared his point that MAID is not for someone living with depression who may be feeling suicidal. It isn’t that easy to obtain. MAID is for someone who is dying from a chronic, incurable, pain filled illness such as end stage cancer where there is no hope of life or recovery.

  So, let me think about this…

  But what if the person seeking MAID is a Christian? Is there a difference?

  This bears some thought. Is dying by suicide an unforgivable sin? Many say it is.

  I am not sure.

  Death by suicide is an act of desperation and utter, soul emptying loneliness. Even people who follow Jesus can reach this point which is why it is so important for us to remain in a community. We need to surround ourselves with fellow believers with whom we can be vulnerable and honest; believers who do not judge or condemn but who encourage and support us when times are tough. That’s crucial to riding out the swirling tempest when the Black River runs high. God, forgive us for when we fail each other.

  The choice for suicide, apart from MAID, is sad, though, because the person who makes the decision to end their life believes there is no other option. It is a place where hope does not dwell. Is losing hope a sin? This is why I question whether or not suicide is an unforgivable sin.

  I wish, I pray, those of us who follow Jesus would not be so hard on each other.

  We are good at heaping guilt and shame on those who may be entertaining these sorts of thoughts. I have even been on the receiving end when things were at their darkest and suicidal ideation was my constant companion. (Lord, let me remember this so I can be kinder to those who are struggling.)

  So. Education. For a long while, unknown to me, these thoughts were a side effect of the medication I was taking. (I wish the doctors would warn us about this.) Guilt, shame, blaming myself and fear partnered up to compound the problem. Prayer, music, art, nothing was able to rid my mind of the most horrible thoughts until there was a change in meds! It wasn’t my fault, my lack of faith, after all.

 

  But I digress.

  Yes, I believe God can do miracles. There are countless stories of instant healing but just as many stories where there was none. I have heard of people dying from cancer who had no pain at all. But I also saw my devout grandmother die a most painful death because of it. I believe she was at peace, though, because she knew where she was going. It happened when I was very young. Others have found comfort in the presence of angels who guard their death bed.

  There is much in this world that is unseen. There is much I do not understand but our God is a merciful God. Medically assisted suicide is mercy in action is it not? Or is it murder? Is it murder when someone asks for their life to end? (Tough question.)

  Is the choice for MAID made because we, as followers of Jesus, have missed the boat when it comes to comforting the dying whether they believe in Jesus or not? How do the living comfort the dying?

  I heard a story once about a group of Christians protesting outside of a place that offered abortions. One of the young women who was about to enter asked if any of them would adopt her baby if she chose to carry it to term; if any of them would provide for her during her pregnancy or should she decide to keep the baby. There were no takers. Lord, help me find mercy and grace for these believers.

 

 So here it is. All I know is that, for me personally, MAID is not an option should my end be one of pain and suffering. (Lord, I pray it isn’t so.) I also realize I cannot make the decision for someone else. That is between them and God.

  Do I condemn the doctors who act out of the legal authority granted by the MAID laws? Do I condemn the government that made these laws? I cannot do that either. This, too, is between them and God. Or if they don't believe in God, their conscience.

  Here’s something else I need to think about. Is denying someone the right to choose MAID a selfish act? Is it based on self-righteousness? Religiosity? Judgment? How does denying access to MAID manifest itself as an act of love when it condemns someone to live their final months, weeks, days, in agony? (Whew! That's another tough question.)

  The more I think about this, the more questions have arisen. I don't think there are any clear answers.
  God gave us free will and the ability to choose our path. My path is very different from someone else’s. God does not demand conformity from His children. Conformity leaves no room for relationship or seeking or questions or even doubt. 

   Oh! Now I understand how the abortion story fits...The demand for forced conformity to a set of beliefs not held by others is the complete antithesis to how God loves. A love that is shown to us through the teachings, the life and the death of Jesus. 

  I also know if I end up going the wrong way, He will forgive me. AMEN!

God's Provision part 2

    “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and He will give you everything you need.” Luke 12:31

  It feels like a lifetime since I’ve sat and done a post. The last couple of days have been filled with a great deal of travelling, the pleasure of the symphony, and shopping in order to make choices about what I want the kitchen and bath to look like.

  Several months ago I spent a few hours in one of the big box hardware stores, snapping pictures of what I liked. These ideas have percolated in the back of my mind since then. Yesterday’s shopping trip saw things come into focus. For the most part, I have a clear idea of what I want except for some finishing details like tile choices.

  It’s all good. I can’t wait to see this vision come together even though it is several months away. Folks, bear with me as I use this forum to brainstorm on occasion.

 

  Meanwhile, life goes on.

  And there is much to be thankful for.

  My friend H, who came with me yesterday, was a tremendous help in navigating unfamiliar areas and unfamiliar stores. Nowhere near what was accomplished would have been possible had I been on my own. I would have been completely overwhelmed.

  Google Maps and the GPS lady were a huge help in finding another store neither of us had been to.

  Time spent on busy highways was blessed with a safe drive.

  The car didn’t break down but I noticed one of my headlights is out; a quick fix that can be seen to later today.

  The shopping trip I thought was necessary for today happened yesterday so the day is free. I will be rested up enough to go to home church tonight. There is also time to watch the teaching I missed Sunday because of the symphony.

  Sunday’s landscapes were beautiful beyond imagining. The previous night’s snow had melted but with the cold, arctic air blasting through, the melt water was turned to ice. Every tree, every branch, shimmered in the light of a setting sun.

  This list of things to be thankful for could go on forever.

  But most of all, I am thankful for God’s provision so that I can travel and shop and improve my home. I am thankful that Jesus made this possible. AMEN!