Echoes by Susan L.

  Someone was talking with me and I have no idea how the conversation ended up with them telling me about someone they knew: a young man living on social assistance. The person telling me about him made the comment, "I don't understand, he was brought up better than that. Work ethics had been instilled in him from childhood!" (Slight paraphrasing)
  I was flabbergasted and didn't know what to say without revealing that I was partially assisted by government disability payments. (Was it shame or discretion?) Without them I wouldn't have gotten where I am today or even be able to help others get over the stigma of needing assistance.
  I heard my own judgements in his statement. That same mentality made it extremely difficult for me to even apply for the assistance. I remember commenting to my therapist that never in a million years did I imagine I'd grow up and have to put out my hand for financial help, to become one of those people.
  The hardest part was accepting the fact that I was unable to work. That "can't" had become part of my vocabulary. It was also difficult accepting that even filling out the paperwork required the help of my mental health worker. It was a long, slow process because at the time even deciding what to have for supper threw me into a whirlwind of anxiety. We filled out the numerous, probing pages a bit at a time as I was able. It took months.
  To the fury of my psychiatrist who had filled out the medical part, the application was denied. I sent a letter of intent to appeal. My file was reviewed and approved. Part of me strongly believes that the denial is simply routine. There are probably many people who give up, who are simply unable to take it to the next step or lack the supports to make that happen.
  I'd like to have a candid conversation with the man who made the comment. Living on social assistance is challenging. Living below the poverty level takes careful managing of finances. There is often barely enough to cover rent never mind buying groceries or paying a hydro bill. If you are lucky enough to live in geared-to-income housing, the payments are even less. The food bank in town does a roaring business.
  In saying all this, gratitude sweeps over me. Yes, it's tough. This is an expensive country to live in. But now that I am able to work a bit, with careful managing of my finances, I have just enough to get by and still have a few luxuries like a car. Although in this country it is more of a necessity unless you live in a place with public transit where the cost of living is even high. Thank You, Lord, for Your provision.
  I also believe that I am not alone in coming to terms with needing help. The majority of people I meet wish their circumstances were different, that life was different. That somehow they could be well enough to provide for themselves. I pray for healing for all of them.
  "When you give a dinner or a supper, do not ask your friends, your brothers, your relatives, nor rich neighbours, lest they also invite you back and you be repaid. But when you give a feast, invite the poor, the maimed, the lame, the blind. And you will be blessed, because they cannot repay you; for you shall be repaid at the resurrection of the just." Lk 14:12-14