The only thing to do is laugh at the irony in making a decision about my anxiety meds actually causing more anxiety! I am in a much better place today having made a choice. There's also been some thinking about yesterday's post. Especially the question about who I thought I was letting down.
There's been an awful lot of conditioning in my life regarding male authority.
"They are always right and are not to be questioned. You must do as they command no matter the cost. It isn't your place to dare go against that authority. It is your responsibility to keep them happy."
Those are some hard and ugly lessons. They are impossible to live up to. I know. I tried for a long time at a huge personal cost.
My psychiatrist isn't like that at all. He's a good guy who has done much to heal me regarding the male gender. I know he will be fine with my choice to make an increase but still, the old ghosts are squirming. OOoooOoooooOoooooo!
Give it a rest already!
Let's look at all of this under a different Light. I've come a long, long way in seven years (since my second hospitalization). Or should I say, the Lord has brought me a long, long way. Recovery hasn`t been a straight line journey. It`s been a cycle of forwards, and I hesitate to use the term backwards because that is judging my med increase as a negative thing. Which it isn`t. That is a world view. It is really something to celebrate as a step forward in loving myself as God loves me.
We`ve started a study on the book of Revelation in my small group. I`ve been doing a lot of thinking about the Alpha and the Omega, Who was and Who is and Who is to come. Time has no meaning. There is no past, present or future with God.
As I`ve worked through the matters of mind and heart to learn the truth, to uncover the lies like those mentioned above, it`s been an opportunity to move forward through history. So if I look at the increase as a `now` moment, it is new and has never been done before. Praise God!
``And when I saw Him, I fell at His feet as dead. But He laid His right hand on me, saying to me, ``Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last.`` Rev 1:17
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The Robes
"Coming up behind Jesus, she (the woman who had bled for 12 years) touched the fringe of His robe." Luke 9:44 And she was heal...
Stupid is stupid, whether male or female. Talented is talented, whether male or female. Christians are equal in Christ, male or female. The issues are not with the males, but with you. Once you realize that you have the control - tah dah. No man or woman can steal that away from you.
ReplyDeleteYou make it sound so simple. If only it were so. You see, most of the time, the lessons squirm up from the subconscious. Instinctual responses arise no matter how wrong that instinct is. Old habits die hard. Thankfully, circumstances like this hold these lies up to the light and under that Light I see the truth. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
DeleteI have just been reading a chapter called Sanctifying the Moment, by Fulton J. Sheen. Some quotes: "Every moment brings us more treasures than we can gather. The great value of the Now, spiritually viewed, is that it carries a message God has directed personally to us." "... no one else but I am in exactly these circumstances..." "To accept the duty of this moment for God is to touch Eternity, to escape from time." "We are absolute dictators in deciding whether we wish to offer our will to God. And if we turn it over to Him without reservation, He will do great things in us."
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written!
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