Check-In by Susan L.

  The world seems awfully loud. The "BOOM-BOOM" music pouring out of little cars with noisy, supposedly fashionable, mufflers, trucks braking, even the cricket chorus is beginning to grate. TV can only be handled in brief sessions. (That's not necessarily a bad thing, though.) Still, this noise sensitivity is a huge warning sign for me. I think it's a good idea to take stock of what is going on.
  The last med reduction from a couple of months ago may need to be reversed. I've done what my psychiatrist asked and didn't increase it after our last appointment. He thought it might need some time for my body to get used to the lower dose. It's the one that helps with sleep and anxiety.
  Sleep hasn't been too great but that may have only been the heat. Poor sleep doesn't help things either. It's the pins and needles, what feels like nerves firing incessantly in fight/flight alert, and the noise sensitivity, that are becoming difficult to live with. It leaves me feeling stressed and tired.
  Or it might be that I need some time to get used to the fall schedule. The first Bible study of the year, where I had to fight down a panic attack, had left me feeling drained. It may be merely sensory overload that caused things to flare up. It was a long, busy day Thursday. Yesterday I decided to start going back to the worship team rehearsals. That went okay. I simply took one of my just-in-case-of emergency pills as a bit of self care. It helps to de-escalate the hyper-awareness while leaving me relatively alert and functioning.
  We made a joyful noise and it was most enjoyable.
  I think the anxiety is caused by simply being in a smallish room with a number of people. And maybe going to the rehearsal might have been asking too much of myself this week.
  It is frustrating.
  There is a danger in turning away from these opportunities of fellowship with like minded people. Not just from a Christian perspective but because most of the time I am alone in a quiet house. It would be far too easy to continue staying isolated. That would only make things worse in the long run. It would be that much harder to go anywhere.
  So where does that leave me? Determined not to let the good things in life be stolen away. Perhaps all that is needed is some more time, some more "exposure therapy". I'll continue my med regimen as it is for now unless things become decidedly worse.
  Thank You, Lord, that You will sustain me in this time of transition. Amen!
  "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you will receive them, and you will have them." Mk 11:24