"My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to Your decrees. Your instructions are more valuable to me than millions in gold and silver." Psalm 119:71-72
One of the aspects for success in the Gina Livy program is setting morning intentions. There's space on the app to check in for morning, mid-day, then again in the evening. Morning and evening intentions can also be shared in the Facebook support group, an amazingly encouraging group of people.
Last night I wrote this as my end of day reflection.
I find myself setting morning intentions that I know will be successful. Part of me thinks it's cheating but then I realize how hard goal setting is for me. If this little bit of practice helps me be bolder and willing to chance a higher goal, any written morning intention is one huge NSV (non scale victory.)!
It's not that I can't envision anything. It happens all the time when I am in the process of creating something be it in the garden or the workshop. Blank canvasses are painted in my mind long before a brush is dipped in the paint. Although, that process is far more fluid like the writing. In both these cases, I might approach the canvas or the keyboard with an idea but usually end up following along where it leads.
Before I started my renovations a few years back, hours were spent just standing in the kitchen and picturing what it would look like. It even went so far as to draw out my ideas. It was a nervous time, waiting to see what the finished product would look like. Was it even going to be close to what I had envisioned? It was far better!
When it comes to envisioning what my life might be like in the future, my stomach gets in knots and my mind does its screaming heebie jeebies.
Maybe it's about playing it safe. If I don't dream of the future, it can't be taken away from me.
Am I using my faith as a cop out? God's plans for my life are a gazillion times better than anything I could imagine so why imagine? Why not simply stay the course and see what those are?
Yet, He created us with imagination. He created us with desires and hopes. He created us to be in relationship so we can talk to Him about everything. Is it so wrong to exercise these gifts?
I've listened to other people share their hopes for the future. In a way, I am jealous of their ability, their freedom, their utter bravery to put hope into words.
Is it that I won't? Or is it that I simply can't?
Maybe it's that I share any sort of hopes or plans for the future with the wrong people. The kind of people who take great pleasure in tearing my ideas to shreds. The kind of people who get a thrill out of crushing hope. The kind of people who are more focused on what's important to them and have no regard for what I want. The kind of people who make suggestions that more is needed.
They call it helping.
That kind of help is like using a tsunami to water flowers.
I thought my difficulties were the legacy of broken promises and trauma. Sure, that's part of it but that last bit of writing is a huge piece of the puzzle!
So how about I envision something small.
I envision myself putting boundaries in place to nurture this tiny seed of setting daily intentions. Those boundaries will create a safe space to allow it to grow. Boundaries will provide the time for its blooms to spread into other aspects of my life. Heck, these boundaries will keep the tsunami far from shore!
Forgive me, Lord, for the times I was a tsunami with others' dreams. I am aware now that it has been part of my life and will be mindful because this learned behaviour is not of God.
Let my life, my words, be a gentle, life-giving rain.
I ask you, Lord, help me discern who is trustworthy when it comes to sharing my dreams. Strengthen me to maintain the boundaries needed with the people I need to use them with.
And Lord? Help me dream and hope and plan and want all the good things You have waiting around the corner for me.
In Jesus name, AMEN!
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