“She extends a helping hand to
the poor and opens her arms to the needy.” Proverbs 31:20
A cup of humility came my way
this morning before I’d even poured a coffee. Here am I, sitting in my kitchen,
looking at God’s Word with a critical eye, one that has been formed by
trauma, abuse, neglect, and prejudice. Perhaps it would be best to regard this critical eye as having been formed by broken, imperfect, human attempts at being loved and being loving...
I
have been using these passages in Proverbs to affirm the validity of my own
opinions. I have been using these passages to reinforce my prejudice towards
men, seeing as they were written by a man; seeing as my history with men has not been good, to say the least.
I have maligned the author and
tried to discredit King Solomon, one of God’s chosen, simply on the basis of
his maleness.
I have been reading these
verses with the deepest resentment imaginable and have ended up finding exactly
what I was looking for: proof that I am right about men and their attitudes
towards women. It’s right there in black and white. (Once again, a generalization
slams shut the door to possibilities.)
“It’s just not fair!”
Bitterness has erupted, leaving an ugly taste of tinfoil in my mouth.
Why the bitterness? Is it
because I am using a personal history as tacit permission to keep on trucking down
the familiar road of hate? Am I using trauma to excuse me from having to
change? Or worse, to not have to forgive?
It is so much easier to lay
blame…but, oh Lord, the pride in me!
(A long pause.)
Lord, I am poor and needy
this morning. Forgive me for doing what so many others have done: taken Your Word
and twisted it to fulfill and validate a personal agenda. Thank You for the cup
of humility. It’s a wonderful thing that my own subconscious, beneath the surface,
agenda is no longer hidden.
Being aware is the way to new
life.
And I know these judgments and
prejudices have kept me apart from You and kept me apart from living in the
richness and fullness of God. So, thank You, Lord, for this is a first step among many
first steps.
This wasn’t really an exploration of this
passage…hmmm…or maybe it is. Maybe it’s a revelation about the mother heart of
God.
Thank You, Abba Father, that despite my sin,
my weakness, my brokenness, Your forgiving arms are always open because right now, I could use a hug.
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