Lots of Brackets

  “Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:11-12

  I’ve sat here frozen for a few minutes while reflecting on this passage. Firstly, I don’t have a husband anymore. Secondly…these words have teeth.

  It’s a pretty high standard to do no harm in light of the fact that all of us are broken. This is not an excuse nor does it grant us permission to intentionally hurt someone. Vengeance and revenge are a whole other ball game.

  I cannot help causing hurt because I have been hurt. That's a humbling thought. (And one day God will wipe away every tear.) 

  Currently, there’s plenty of baggage shaping my choices and behaviors. That consists of everything from carry on luggage to a travel trunk! Ergo, I will cause harm to others, not just a husband. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve had to apologize often for a misspoken word, a thoughtless action, a betrayal of trust. Even though, most of the time, my motivation has been honest, well meant, good intentions.

   Now, that bears thinking about. Good intentions that is. It’s not the first time I’ve written about them nor will it be the last. (Smile.)

  What are they?

  An assumption that I know what is best for someone else. Oh.

  Ouch. God, forgive me. Again.  (This pride based behavior is a slippery devil!)

  Because I don’t know; I don’t know the inner story that resides in someone else’s soul. The story that has shaped their own responses, actions, motivations…pain.

  I wasn’t completely honest at the beginning either. It’s another subject I’ve balked at thinking about. Jesus is my husband, my spouse, and the lover of my soul. By placing Him at the core of this passage, my shortcomings fall heavily on my shoulders. (That's the teeth that showed themselves earlier.) Bear with me while I think this through.

 Jesus will not punish me for these shortcomings. (And who is the judge and jury that defines them as such anyways?) Hmmm, He also won’t ask me to do the impossible. At least, not without His help. 

   Perhaps it’s been a fear of punishment that has hampered embracing Jesus as my spouse.(Yah, that's a part of it.)

  Nevertheless, no one knows my motivations better. Jesus knows why I behave the way I do. He knows the story that has shaped the way I think and act. More than anything, I want to do better, be better than I am.

  I want to earn the trust of Jesus. (Yet nothing I say or do will ever be needed to earn that which is freely given.) Perhaps it would better to think about living according to all He has entrusted me with. Part of that is forgiveness freely given. 

  Okay, I choose to forgive my mortal spouse for his broken understanding of how to treat a wife. I think, after this exploration of Proverbs 31, I need to look at the part about how husbands and wives are called to treat each other, painful as it may be. I wasn't perfect either but, at the time and lacking the heart of Jesus, the verse about wives was used as a weapon of oppression. I have a feeling I am not the only woman this has happened to. (Oh, Lord, it must grieve You so!)

  Until then...

  I want to enrich Jesus’ life just as much as He has enriched mine. Is that even possible? (Laugh!)

  I want to believe, that despite the brokenness, I am His delight, His treasure…

  The arms of Grace wrap themselves around my soul. (And, Lord? Let my good intentions become God intentions.) AMEN!