AAAaaaaagh!!! Not again!!

   It's different sitting in a cafe trying to write while conversations swirl all around. Staring at the back of another patron is a far cry from the view from the kitchen window this morning. It blessed me with glimpses of a Pileated Woodpecker. It's one of the largest woodpeckers, very shy, rarely seen and judging by the amount of wood falling away, very strong.

  Long pause.

 
  This isn't working today. I am distracted by a gazillion things. Not just the crowd around me.
  Ha. It's hard to write, to focus on matters of faith when my stomach is in knots because the old fiend, anxiety is through the roof. Although I am now recognizing it as a partially seasonal event this year. The shortening days always hit me hard. It's good to finally figure one contributing factor out.
 
  It's hard to focus when I am angry at everything and nothing. Being angry about being anxious is not helpful. Fuel for the fire and all that.
  And then I get all condemning about the anger...How unChristianlike I am!
  Sigh.

  It's draining when every time something new gets added to my plate, regardless if it is a little task or a big one, it sends me over the top with the screaming heebie-jeebies.
  Renovating the bathroom? It's not going to happen any time soon...it's just too much to handle right now.
  The joys of an anxiety disorder...maybe that's part of the anger. I am tired of it. And yes, feeling very bitter this morning.

  But, as matters stand, it's the stark reality of my daily/hourly existence.
  Yes, I have good stretches but when the scales are balanced, like I said earlier, it doesn't take much to unbalance them.
  So...where is God in all of this?

  "O Lord, I am calling to you. Please hurry! Listen when I cry to you for help! Accept my prayer as incense offered to you, and my upraised hands as an evening offering." Psalm 141:1-2