I've been listening to people's stories a lot lately. The conversations have delved deeply into secret matters of the heart. While I am honoured and humbled because of the trust that has been extended, sometimes it makes for hard listening. Pain, hurt, rejection, abandonment, and far worse has wrapped many of these stories in great sorrow.
It's not all sad. Gratitude for the gifts that came out of the sad times is freely shared, too.
There is an unwanted side effect. The sad parts stir the depths of my own wounds, bringing them to the surface. Even though the Lord has done tremendous healing on that front it surprises me every time how much hurt still exists within my soul. Perhaps it is a gift because it has given me the ability to sympathize, to weep with those who weep and to offer the hope of future joy.
But it also serves as a reminder where I haven't quite forgiven others; that maybe I need to think and pray about where the dark seeds of bitterness are happily entrenched and waiting to grow.
There are more of them than I care to admit. I pray, Lord, that You will remove them from my being.
It gets me angry, the hurt people do to each other. But, mostly, it makes me very, very sad.
Because I know, somewhere, some when, I have caused others pain, too. I have left my own swath of destruction behind me.
It's never maliciously. It's never done with intent. God forbid! What's worse is it is because of carelessness. Care..less... A thoughtless word, a rebuff, being in a hurry, impatience, fatigue, a poor night's sleep...judgement. There's a plethora of reasons why.
I am not trying to excuse my actions. I am apologizing for them and laying them at the foot of the Cross so Jesus can heal who I have harmed.
And I am standing on God's promise with a glint of hope in my eye for all who are hurt, for all who bear the scars of experience:
"So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust." Joel 2:25
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