A blizzard rolled in yesterday and dumped ten inches of the white stuff. There are areas around here that were much harder hit. My thoughts and prayers go out to them as they work to clear driveways, as the snowplows work double time to clear the roads.
It was enough to warrant getting the snowblower out. It wasn't happy. The motor started squealing, the thrower blades wouldn't turn. I left it to warm up a bit and eventually it did what snowblowers do. I was able to chew through the deep snow on the driveway.
The snowplow went past some time in the night. Like always, they toss heavy, and compacted snow across the end of the driveway. It wasn't enough to stop my friend from getting out but it needed to be cleared. It's mild and if it freezes, it makes things a whole lot worse should more snow come. A highly likely event. Winter isn't over yet.
The snowblower squealed like it did yesterday only this time it didn't start operating like it should at all. When smoke started coming from the engine and my nose detected the unmistakable odor of burning chemicals, I shut her down. (Forgive my language, Lord.)
Thankfully, we have a decent snow shovel. As the shovel scraped and tossed snow, it gave me time to ponder the blower situation, about what might be the problem.
By no means am I a mechanic but God is good. I realized I hadn't checked the oil lately. Let's just say there was barely enough oil in it to stop the engine from seizing completely. After topping it up, restarting it and letting it run for a bit, I tentatively pressed the gear handle. One squeak and she ran smoothly.
It could have been so much worse! Had the engine seized, the blower would have been nothing more than scrap metal. The odds of finding a new one this late in the season are practically nil. The shovel and I would have gotten to know one another very well.
Lesson learned. Check the oil. Regularly. It's the right thing to do.
I've come to realize something, though, my life has been governed by a command I feel doesn't come from God. All I need to do is look at the fruit it has produced.
DO THE RIGHT THING has been twisted into a snare.
But...there is also another side to this. Doing the right thing is also one of my core values. Hmmm...that's interesting.
However, when doing the right thing was an exercise of free will and choice, it was a punishable offence. Even when I did as I was asked (or told) because this, too, was the right thing to do it was never done right. Or worse, what was right changed daily. It's a vicious tactic of gaslighting that I am working to overcome. Do the right thing was doing anything and everything that was asked of me regardless of the personal cost.
But, if this is a core value, the damage is far deeper because it is an assault on the fabric of my being.
I hear Cricket playing in the yard. She is laughing and running and enjoying the outdoors. Thirst drives her into the kitchen with tousled hair sticking to her face. Maybe we had been called in for lunch. She had a joyful heart from the fun she's had.
But I'd done the wrong thing in playing, in having fun. I lost the bobby pins that were meant to keep my hair neat and tidy. The smile, the joy...simply being a child was the wrong thing to do because it was CARELESS.
In that moment, doing the right thing was blanketed by fear.
Lord, I forgive the one who said, "You are so careless!" because the truth of the matter is I care deeply. It is a gift from You. I might even say it is a treasure to guard.
In a final ah-hah! moment I finally understand that boundaries are a right thing to do after all.
Smile...I think the Lord just added oil to my engine!
I want to embrace this core value because it is a good thing. But how do I know what is truly right?
Trust the Lord and seek His guidance first. AMEN!
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