Strong

   In a short blurb on Facebook yesterday, I shared this thought.

  "I have to say something about this because it appears on FB all the time.
So often women are told to be strong like there is going to be a medal for valor when it's all over.
  Maybe strong means reaching out. Maybe strong means escaping your abuser. Maybe strong means talking about what happened while finding your way in a new life. Maybe strong means leaning on friends for a while.
  So often strong means suffering in silence.
  So often strong implies accepting what's happening even when it's wrong.
  So often strong means being alone.
  Just sayin' because being strong forged the strongest bars of a prison I thought I had no right to walk away from.
  By being strong there is no room for bravery."

  When being strong finally failed, when the iron bars in my prison rusted and shattered, I was left with shame. Shame that I wasn't strong enough to keep it together. Shame that I wasn't strong enough to vanquish the depression and anxiety that swept in like a river.
   When I could no longer work or provide for myself without help, being told to be strong was like pouring acid on an open wound. I had no more "strong" left. The battle against my own cultural prejudices about "weakness" raged with the howling fury of a hurricane.
  Yet, in those dark times, I discovered far better things. Determination. Resiliency. Friendships. The life giving sustenance of a hug when I wasn't strong enough to hold back the tears.
  I discovered the value of vulnerability tucked away in a blanket of hope. But then, it was hope that allowed me to be vulnerable.
  I discovered that none of these things are weaknesses; that community is the foundation of success in overcoming all obstacles. Not strength.
  I discovered faith.
  Jesus taught me to let go of the need to be strong.
  There are still days I struggle against this new person living inside, the one with the ability to ask for help but, praise God, it gets easier with practice.
  "Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Mathew 12:28-29