Busy by Susan L.

  I'm going to have to pass on my church's Christmas dinner this Saturday which is okay. Sunday there's a lunch after church followed by a meeting. I have to pick and chose what I do and be okay with not saying "yes" to everything.
  I've a chance to get together with H on Wednesday. We haven't been together for a while so plan on taking in a movie at the local theatre. This is very important to me, to do this.
  This and other commitments mean I am out five nights in a row this week. To be busy all weekend as well is asking for trouble. Even more so when the busy is accompanied by large groups of people. Noisy crowds, even though I know most of the people at church, are a challenge for me and often exhausting. The meeting is important. I will go to that.
  Down time is so important. Especially when I need time to think about the healing the Lord has brought my way through art therapy. I've put the emotions in a bottle simply to get done what needs to get done. It's not good to do that, to suffocate healing. Also, there's only one session left this time around. The art therapist won't be back until sometime in the spring.
  Making choices. Not having to justify or excuse them. Setting priorities about what is important to me. Saying, "No". Saying, "Yes".
  Saying "No" when I feel doing something is simply more than I can ask of myself is absolutely okay. When time is already committed to other obligations like the drawings and writing for church, it's okay to say "No" to adding more. No guilt. No shame.
  Wonder Woman doesn't live here any more.
  This is part of the healing, isn't it? Boundaries instead of people pleasing. This is a good thing. A healthy thing to do. It's reasonable. It's wise.
  The reactions of other people are not mine to own. This isn't to say I won't be considerate or toss compassion to the wind. This is about believing in myself and trusting that same self to do what is right. It's knowing that when I get stretched thin, it's God who sustains me even if it's my own fault I'm stretched. Old habits are sometimes hard to break.
  But then, anxiety serves as a built in barometer. Like a horse's reins, it lets me know I need to stop doing and simply start being. It means I need to snuggle into my Lord and be refreshed. It means I am not listening to His direction for my life.
  Thank You, Lord for the anxiety. Help me develop more kindness towards this vulnerable part of my identity. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen!