My Cross by Susan L.

  In church I had one of those shoulder-tapping-ear-whispering, "This is for you", moments. It caused a flare of anger to wash over me when a couple of the scriptures for the day referred to us taking up our cross and following Jesus.
  I am pretty sure I have misunderstood the meaning behind those words (hence the shoulder tap).
  I always thought that living with PTSD was "taking up my cross", that bearing the weight and aftereffects of sin, was my duty. I thought it meant that even though I know Jesus, even though I follow Him, I have to carry this by myself as part of being a Christian.
  This is where the anger comes in.
  As long as I behaved myself, as long as I didn't let it drag me down or turn me away from Jesus, this "cross" was going to be part of my life until I die.
  It's a common theme when troubles come our way. I've heard many people saying in difficult times or situations, most often with a heavy sigh, "It's my cross to bear" or "he's my cross to bear."
  Why would a loving God expect His children to carry such weight?
  I don't think we are supposed to.
  What does taking up our cross mean?
  Help me Lord, see Your truth in this.
  Oh, my goodness...taking up my cross is the path to redemption. Taking up my cross means embarking on a journey of healing, of letting go. Taking up my cross means crucifying the old (wo)man....not on a cross of my own understanding, but through the love of Jesus.
  Taking up my cross means there will be many "Simons" in my life to help me. Imagine! I take up this cross so I can let others into my life to pray for me, to help, to encourage, or simply give a hug. My cross encourages me to do likewise for others. Not out of duty, but through love, compassion and caring. 
  Letting in is just as important as letting go. Although, I confess this is still a scary thing for me to do. But that's okay. Being a tortoise is just as effective as being a hare. Sometimes this race is run by standing still.

  Taking up my cross is not punishment or a chore to earn more grace! Far from it! Just thinking about it that way only stirs resentment and anger.
  The cross is the pinnacle of love. If I take up my cross, I embrace that love. I make a choice to love in an often loveless world. I opt to march to the beat of a different Drummer. It frees me to grow into who I am in Christ because of the final work done on His Cross.
  Oh, amazing Grace. Now I understand when You said,
  "Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Mat 11:29-30