Discipline

   "Let the favor of our God be upon us, and establish the work of our hands upon us: yes, establish the work of our hands!" Psalm 90:17

  "Those who I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent." Revelation 3:19

  "There has not only been a growing mind body connection, my heart and soul have joined them. I can finally dare to have plans for the future. What I want will happen if I keep showing up to do the things I need to do to get there. Thank you for teaching me that discipline isn't the bad guy. It doesn't judge or punish or squash hope. It doesn't demand more. Discipline is doing the very best that I can do every single day." Me...part of last night's comment in the Gina Livy FB group.

  Life has taught me that discipline was used by those in power to make sure I toed the line according to their needs, wants and demands on my life. Discipline was a weapon of control that dared not be questioned. While no rod crossed my back, the silent treatment, the smouldering rage or unadulterated fury aimed my way whenever I deviated from what was demanded crushed my ability to think for myself.

  This was never, ever allowed.

  Love was never, ever involved. 

  "Side back, side front, turn, two, three, four..." I kept on dancing the Highland Fling.

  It's time to kick the devil's piper to the kerb. 

  This morning I repent of the ingrained behaviours learned from those who want or wanted complete obedience to their demands. I repent of living according to the parameters others set of how I should live my life, of how I should behave, and of how I should walk and talk and breathe and sleep (this is not an exaggeration.) I repent of the fear that comes whenever I make a decision, or set a goal for myself. I repent of believing these are punishable offenses. 

  I ask God to forgive me for shutting down the ability to dream the dreams He planted in my heart. I ask God to forgive me for having no idea what these were because the fear that paralyzed my heart and mind shut Him out, too.

  "Jesus loves me this I know..." the comforting words used to sing myself to sleep as a child got lost along the way. But I sing this song today because Jesus loves me this I know because He has shown me just how deep, how long, how patient His love is.

  I've had enough of living in fear.

  If I have the discipline to write a blog for eleven years; if discipline enables me to follow a diet by doing the things that need to be done; if discipline enabled me to do the work to rise above once crippling mental health challenges then I already have the discipline to see the dream God planted in my heart come to fruition. 

  I only need to show up and do the things that need to be done to make this happen.

  That is discipline: the kind that feeds into joy and hope and confidence; the kind that fills a life with purpose and dignity and self-respect.

  God has given me a gift in teaching me the Art of Prayer. It is not mine to hoard or hide or keep to myself. I've already shared the little booklet here and that was a great start. It is only part of the story, though. Using art as a form of prayer is far deeper, far richer than those few pages can encompass.

  I only need to show up and do the things that need to be done to make a book happen. 

  God is the author, I am His pen. He taught me the discipline of listening to what He wants to say. It is a great reassurance that He will be with me every step of the way. 

  I can do this. With God who strengthens me, I can!

  And I will.

   AMEN!