Thunderstorm

   "The Lord is my light and my salvation--so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?" Psalm 27:1

  A massive thunderstorm worked its way across the province yesterday evening. There were tornado watches and warnings for areas a half hour north of here. The distant thunder was unbelievable! A constant, incessant growling from the heavens went on and on. Until it was heard no more as the storm and warnings headed east.

  It completely missed here. A half dozen drops of rain and it was over. I gave thanks for not being directly underneath such thundering fury because thunderstorms and I don't get along. We never have.

  I may have written about this a long time ago but I woke up several times through the night with this topic on my mind. It needs revisiting because the storm and frantic alerts coming through the TV sent a memory postcard into the forefront of my brain.

  It was another summer, another storm. A child cried out in fear but found no comfort, only abandonment and insult. It's when Cricket learned to never mention being afraid despite the terror in her tiny breast every time another thunderboomer rolled in. She learned to never mention being afraid about anything.

  And another postcard popped up...It also involves water and fear. One of the tests in swimming lessons was to jump in the pool fully clothed. The object was to remove the wet clothing that would pull you under the water. I thought I was going to drown. It was so hard.

  I am still here so I must have successfully accomplished the test but the fear memory still wraps itself around my heart. The memory of frantically gasping for air, of barely breaking the surface, of sinking is so real, it could have been yesterday.

  Adult me realizes the swimming teacher would have leapt in to save me had I not broken the surface for air. Adult me realizes there was really no danger. I just remember wanting to cry when I finally crawled out of the pool utterly exhausted by the physical demands and the emotional overload. But I didn't. 

  Fear was a dirty little secret that must never be shared.

  My friend and I walked up the road while the thunder faded into the distance. (Smile.) Yup, ignored the warnings about when you can hear thunder, lightening can strike. I kept my concerns, aka fears, to myself. I guess fear is still my dirty little secret but today is going to change that.

  Last night, I needed to move. I needed to do something to distract me from such contemptuous and childish nonsense. (Sorry, Cricket. Sometimes I am my own enemy.)

  The birds were silent. The air was oppressive, thick with humidity and smoke from all the wildfires.

  During one of last night's awakenings, God changed my thinking about my fear of thunderstorms. 

  I've come to realize much of my anxiety is due to a sensitivity to the EMFs so prevalent in today's society. I've taken steps to protect my body from them and it's been a tremendous help in easing the constant jangling of my nerves.

  It's no wonder the massive electrical power generated by a thunderstorm causes such discomfort! It's no wonder my body responds with an overload of fight/flight hormones! If a microwave or a cell phone network can generate a powerful response, how much greater is it when the snarling clouds touch heaven?

  The birds and animals feel the electrical power of a thunderstorm and they hunker down. They respect and obey their inner warning system. They find shelter.

  And after the storm? Oh how they sing with joy!

  I felt the same release as the evening sun peered out from behind the massive bank of storm clouds and bathed the world in gold. The need to run, to hide, to be afraid, lifted from my child's soul.

  Moving forward, I may continue to be "afraid" of thunderstorms but the understanding that it is simply my survival mechanisms kicking in will give me the grace and patience to ride out the storm. I won't condemn this response. I won't negate the feeling. Instead, I'll stay sheltered, hold Cricket close to my heart and not abandon her in her need like I did last night. 

  Now, love, about your fear of drowning...why don't you tell me about it? God is with us both.

  He has all the answers. AMEN!