Doubt

   "You will show me the way of life, granting me the joy of Your presence and the pleasures of living with You forever." Psalm 16:11

   Hmmm...what about doubt? What is it? Is it a bad thing?

  When I think of Thomas, who doubted the Lord's resurrection, Jesus met him where he was at. Thomas was able to see first hand that He had come back from the dead. Jesus didn't condemn him for his doubts. Then Jesus blessed all the people who will never see Him alive for believing by faith alone.

   I think doubt and faith go hand in hand. I think of the numbers of people who doubted the existence of Jesus; who delved into study only to discover He is real. This is a good thing. Their doubt made them seekers of the Kingdom!

  Then there's the doubt that paralyzes and sucks the life out of dreams. Which has me thinking it's also the kind that shuts out God's abilities to move in and through us. It closes us off from unlimited possibilities.

  There are lots of questions rolling around the ole gray matter this morning...

  Is my faith sufficient?

  Is my ability to believe that God will do what He says He will do strong enough to push doubt aside?

  Do I trust Him? 

  Do I trust a God who allowed a disciple to put his hand into the wounds of His Son? 

  Do I even have to purge myself of doubt before good things will happen?

  Isn't faith believing in spite of doubt? 

  When I started the Gina Livy program, I joined to support my friend. It didn't make sense to eat differently. At the time, I doubted there was anything in it for me. O boy, was I wrong!

  Doubt has been cast aside as the non-scale victories keep piling up, never mind the lost weight! Eating the foods God designed us to eat has been life changing.

  But I wouldn't have known these blessings without signing up in spite of my doubts and suspicions about yet another diet plan. 

  I would love to be able to nominate Gina for a Nobel prize for her life changing work. It's already reaching around the globe.

  Do I have the ability to keep showing up despite the doubts. And yes, I am talking about writing the book.

  Oh...smile... I've been doing this all along. 

  There was raising children who I didn't give birth to. They came into my life at an early age for all of us. While there is much I would love to be able to do over, I did the best that I could with the tools I had at the time. Most of those were broken already.

  Then there was life on the farm and everything I didn't know about livestock or tractors or hay balers yet still managed to do okay.

  I think of all the things that have been built and made and created despite having very little knowledge to begin with.

  Then there's my mental health journey. I kept showing up despite the hard, hard things that needed to be overcome. During the grinding weeks and months and years, I trusted God to heal my wounds. For a long time, my only hope was this healing would finally happen the moment He took me home. Boy, was I wrong!

  (Smile.) Doubt has been ground into grit through a faith that has sustained, nurtured and encouraged every step made, every project ever built, every word that was ever typed. It was a faith that existed long before I knew Jesus as Lord.

  Even though doubt may whisper in my ear now and again, I am in this for the long haul. There's no deadline, no pressure to get the book written, all I can do is keep showing up just like I've done my entire life. 

  I know there will be a wonderful, amazing moment when I hear God say, "It is finished!"

  AMEN!