Momentum

   "But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me." Philippians 3:12

  The bathroom scale greeted me with a new lowest low this morning: the measure of success! Tracking what's happening is the sole purpose of the scale. My weight loss pattern is spending two or three days hovering around one number then I drop for a couple of days. Then I go up a bit, hover, lose more and repeat. Knowing this pattern has eased my mind considerably around normal weight fluctuations, even while aiming to lose!

  It's not normal to stay the same weight day in and day out. Stress, lack of sleep and even eating salty foods can cause fluctuations. I've learned so much! 

  While Gina Livy's program is not Christian based, I have watched her model the values that are important to me as a believer: love, grace, truth, vulnerability, encouragement, and empathy are the fundamental values that make this process unique in the diet world. She is a fierce protector of her participants and will not allow negative or insulting behaviour towards anyone involved in the FB support group. Oh, and her patience! She answers the same question over and over and over again while never getting frustrated with questioners. 

  I am no where near as patient and find myself frequently thinking, "Sheesh, people, just read the information!"

  Which isn't nice because this judgement is based on the ample time available to do the reading, the listening, the learning and the huge successes so far. 

  I should be thanking God for how easy it has been for the scale to drop; that there are no underlying health issues or missing body parts making it harder to lose; that I have love, support and encouragement from people around me. I should be giving thanks that my brain is able to retain much of the information after reading or hearing it one time. I should be giving thanks for not only having the courage, but also the blog and the art, to unravel the emotions and triggers that have come up throughout this process. 

  Most of all, I should give thanks that my mental health journey has already made me aware of my body's signals. It has not been difficult to hear what it says in regards to what it wants for dinner! 

  I should be praying for those who don't have these things! 

  Oh, Lord, such are the many, many blessings Your generosity has provided! Seeing it all laid out like this is truly humbling because without God's design and plans for my life, I would have none of these things. 

  I'd like to lose this critical side of myself. 

  Hold on a minute while I think this one through...Jesus says to love our neighbour as ourselves. I once heard someone say, "If we can't love ourselves, God help our neighbour." 

  My own inner critic has been getting even more disarmed, dismantled and cast aside since the start of the program and with the help of my friend. I can pray that the patience, gentleness and compassion I've found pouring out over my own struggles and inadequacies will overflow to everyone around me. 

  I can ask the Lord to remind me to pray instead of judge. I can also ask Him to help me be more aware of the leading of the Holy Spirit about how to pray and who to pray for. If listening to my belly is so easy, why is this so hard?

  I think this is the evolution of my faith. It is taking me towards an even deeper experience as a Christian. As it should be! Mostly, my walk with the Lord has been about finding healing for the deep, deep hurts that created the Black River. Like a river flowing into the sea, the currents of faith and living waters have incorporated its existence. They will forever be a part of what shaped me but the forward momentum of grace's tide is unstoppable!

  I only need to do what I need to do to see this happen.

  Lord, help me be a better person towards others. Fill me with grace and patience so the critic's voice is forever silenced. In Jesus' name, AMEN!