They Know Not What They Do

 

“Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, ‘You are my place of refuge.’” Psalm 142:5

The contents in this post may be disturbing to some readers.

 

  Our church is reeling. In November, a woman came forward with allegations of sexual misconduct in regards to Bruxy Cavey, the lead teaching pastor at the Meeting House. The church took this seriously and an investigation by a third party began immediately. They found Bruxy to have abused his power as counselor and pastor. He has resigned, his BIC pastoral credentials removed.

  So has Daniel Strickland, another teaching pastor whose teachings I will sorely miss. Her resignation took place because she felt the woman who brought forward these allegations has not been heard.

  Following last night’s town hall meeting where the findings of the investigation were shared with the church community, both Bruxy and the woman involved have released statements.

  It’s hard not to be angry. This situation is far more than “sexual misconduct.” After reading what Bruxy had to say, I am even angrier. He has no idea.

  In his written apology, Bruxy has referred to his “transgressions” as having an affair. Thanks to this brave woman, we have her side of the story.

  She was 23. He was 47. He was her counselor. She came to him for help. This was no fling between peers. This was a grievous abuse of power. He took advantage of a vulnerable young woman for years.

  I am struggling to get past his apparent disregard for the terrible impact his actions had on her. I understand why Danielle resigned. Both the report and Bruxy’s comments minimize what happened to her.

  An affair? Is this an attempt to justify what took place because she didn’t say, “No”?

  We MUST equip our church with language that gives voice to the deep and lasting damage sexual predation has on its victim. We MUST recognize that an inability to say, “NO!” is a huge part of female culture. It’s why 1 in 3 of us ends up being sexually abused.

  Those of us who have been abused need to speak up. We need to be candid and forthright about the lasting damage sexual abuse causes. Just because it isn’t called rape doesn’t mean it wasn’t. Just because it appears consensual, doesn’t mean it was. No choice is hardly a choice at all.

  This young woman has responded with far more grace than I find possible this morning. I grieve for her, for myself, for the countless women who have shared their own abuse stories with me.

  I am so incredibly angry at the men who believe they have the right to steal dreams, hopes, health and self-worth in the name of sexual gratification. This is especially heart breaking because I have worked so hard to overcome this soul consuming anger and fear. I had begun trusting the good and godly men who surround me.

  That is the greatest loss of all, not knowing if they truly are trust worthy.