Helping Hands

 

  “While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and he brought her to the man.” Gen 2:21

 

  This ties in to what I posted yesterday. This woman’s heart is grieving over what is happening so I thought to share some hard lessons I’ve learned. Hindsight is a great teacher.

  As I read the few verses around the creation of woman and how the serpent deceived her, I realized Eve and I have a lot in common. How could it be otherwise?

  God’s foremost plan for woman was that she be man’s helper. This fundamental aspect of women has been encoded in our DNA. It’s our greatest quality but it’s also our greatest enemy.

  Being a helper automatically creates a hierarchy of power. Or maybe I should wonder why a “helper” is automatically less than. Humanity’s greatest successes couldn’t have happened without teams of people working towards a common goal. We can’t all be leaders or nothing would happen.

  Having the heart of a helper gets us into a lot of trouble. It leaves us vulnerable to manipulation. It leaves us vulnerable to abuse. I feel it is also a huge part of our naiveté and perhaps, generates a fair bit of blindness when it comes to discerning when we are being manipulated.

  Some of us pay dearly for it.

  Master manipulators are very good at taking their time. Before we know it, we’re in deep trouble with no idea how we got there.

  Manipulators have an arsenal at their fingertips. Generating sympathy morphs into being punished for not anticipating needs. Failure is laid at the woman’s feet and, being a woman, she wants to help make it right.

  Isolation is also a weapon of control. Our helping nature is squashed unless our time is spent solely on serving the one taking control. It quickly escalates to not permitting any other demands on our time. It ends up being easier to cut all outside ties rather than facing a barrage of jealousy and accusation and, far too often, fists.

  We are kept off balance. What was okay one day is unacceptable the next.

  We are led to doubt our intelligence and abilities to make decisions.

 

  Manipulators are unable to take any sort of responsibility for their actions and choices. It’s always someone else’s fault.

 

  They will also try to minimize the harm they have done. Sadly, many women end up believing that they are responsible for being hurt physically or emotionally. That too, is a weapon of manipulation.

 

  Yet, we women still think we can help, that if we try harder, things will get better.

  They won’t. If fear motivates your choices or squashes the ability to make them in the first place, something is terribly wrong.

  I pray for anyone trapped in this cycle of abuse. Manipulation is abuse. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.