I Can't Fix This.

 

  “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Cor 13:4-8

 

  I am tired of all the ugly in this world. I am tired of living with an illness birthed in trauma and abuse. My body is the one keeping a record of wrongs. No matter how hard I try to move on, I end up right back where I started; facing down the memories.

  It sucks.

    The events of last Wednesday have set me back, big time. They have unlocked a smoldering anger and bitterness that is utterly distasteful to me. I don’t want to end up lashing out and hurting others because of it. I’ve been on the receiving end of unwarranted and undeserved rage far too often.

  It’s how I got here in the first place.

  Oh, Lord, I want off this dark, dark merry-go-round that seems to be everywhere I look, outside and in.

  I am tired of seeing opinion articles that disguise themselves as “news.” One of the articles about the convoy had a picture of a Nazi arm band with the headline “swastikas displayed at Canadian protests”. Unless you read the fine print under the photo by clicking on the article, you wouldn’t have realized the image was an arm band displayed in a European museum. It wasn’t anywhere near Ottawa. Again, I do not support anyone who holds racist beliefs and am working on being able to speak up whenever they cross my path. It’s not easy for me.

  The only reason I did some investigating was because of a FB post that encouraged everyone to test the images and statements made on social media. It works well, to do just that with everything being broadcast in these difficult times.

  This is just an example of how easy it is to manipulate and divide. Who reads the fine print?

  I can’t help but wonder where else inflammatory sensationalism has been disguised as news.

  Something is terribly wrong.

  We are on the brink of a possible WWIII.

  We are a nation divided by suspicion and prejudice.

  And I am reeling from the ugliness all around not knowing what or how to pray.