Knowledge is a Good Thing

“I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment.  I know where to discover knowledge and discernment.” Proverbs 8:12

  We have Google. Although sometimes it’s hard to ask the right questions to find the answers we are looking for.

  So I did a bit of research about the medication I am attempting to wean myself off. Even a small reduction has left me feeling chronically anxious. It is my hope that this will ease off over the next few weeks but in the meantime, it’s unpleasant to say the least.

  I have weighed up the physical cost of chronic anxiety versus the long term detrimental impact the drug has. I thought myself more than willing to risk those from the drug because it is successful in keeping the worst of the anxiety away but this recent search has me rethinking my original stance.

  There are more side effects than I thought. More than anyone has ever told me or was even revealed through previous searches online. When I looked it up a couple of days ago through Google I was shocked but will leave some room for the thought that some of the side effects weren’t known until recently. I’ve been taking this med for a long time. It has been a while since I did any research in this direction.

  Apparently, the medication can cause neurological damage that may lead to loss of control of physical movement. This causes the body to exhibit random behaviors ranging from grimacing facial expressions to flailing limbs and everything in between. It may or may not be reversible should these symptoms develop.

  This is way more serious than simply being hard on the liver and kidneys. I admit I may have ignored some of the other side effects by turning a blind eye because I was (am?) reluctant to face life without this aid. It is a terrifying prospect.

  So wisdom decrees the need to eliminate this medication despite how I feel emotionally, despite the daily challenges caused by an increase in anxiety.

  Wisdom decrees a deeper need to lean on the Lord throughout this difficult process, to trust in Him that I will be able to cope. Or maybe I need to believe that I can more than cope, I can thrive without the drug.

  To clarify for any of my readers, I am a person living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This means my fight/flight natural responses are constantly on overdrive. Even when I know, intellectually, I am safe the primal responses of my adrenal system have me constantly ready to RUN! The off switch has been broken.

  Hmmm…I wonder if there is a PTSD support group in the area I could attend to help me though this transition?

  It would appear Google will come to my aid once again.

  Thank You, Lord, for pointing this option out to me. Once again, my beloved Shepherd has guided me. AMEN!