God's Provision

  It’s a rare morning I can’t find a scripture that grabs my attention. Perhaps it’s because I am not completely focused on the job this morning. It happens, especially in light of everything that is going on and has gone on this past week: meeting with contractors, a trip to Ripley’s aquarium in the city through work, making decisions about the renovations. There is another busy few days ahead as well.

  It’s not all work. Tomorrow is a trip to the Oakville Symphony, one of my greatest pleasures. Then it’s shopping which means road trips to get to the stores where I can find a broader selection of renovation materials. One is a renovation liquidator the other is Ikea. Both are about an hour away, a country mile, but in opposite directions.

  Decisions have to be made before the third contractor will submit a bid on the job. Oh, I have a rough idea about what I like and a sea shell that contains the colours I want to use; that contains the colours I’ve decorated the rest of the house in. It is not pink and peach but sand and stormy water blue/turquoise. This is a trick I learned working in a paint department: find an object like a favorite shirt that contains the colours you like then use them to decorate your home.

  “”Yes,’ the king replied ‘and to those who use well what they are given, even more will be given.’” Luke 19:26

  Thank You, Lord, for leading me to this passage. I have to admit I am wrestling terribly with spending the amount of money this reno will cost just as I struggled with buying a new flute at a fraction of the expense.

  I admit there’s guilt. A lot of it. It is also seasoned with worry about trusting a contractor, about the job being done properly, and about being provided for when I get older.

  Lord, I lift these concerns to You. Time and again, You have provided amply for my needs.

  Is the guilt because I don’t feel I deserve such things? Silly question. Of course! Why is that?

  Yet, two non-musical people told me last Sunday how much they enjoyed the sweet sound of the flute. And she is sweet! These are people who had never said anything before. Their delight affirms my purchase has made a significant difference in the joyful noise we make each Sunday. The added bonus is the flute is a delight to play.

  So let’s think about the renovations from a different aspect. I will be providing income for the contracting company. They in turn will use different businesses: electricians, plumbers, drywall installers, painters, and window installers. There may even be apprentices who are just starting out in life involved in learning their trades. My purchases will provide income for the stores, therefore for the people who work there. This will trickle down to the various manufacturers’ employees who provide the store with their goods. Then to the miners who gather the raw materials from the earth.  My reno will impact hundreds of people.

  Perhaps some of those people are in dire need of the work. Perhaps there is a single father who is trying to raise a family or a young person trying to make ends meet.

  Looking at it this way re frames my perspective tremendously.  Yes, the reno is for me but really, it is for the whole world.

  Lord, let me be a blessing to others in all I do and say. Let this be an opportunity for my faith to do the same thing: span the globe. (Smile. Now there’s a humbling thought… it already does!) In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!

For Clarity's sake

  “Everything belongs to you, and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God.” 1 Corinthians 3:22-23

  Every so often, something is heard or read that sends shivers down my spine. Last Sunday’s teaching contained such a moment. We were learning about the Jesus Collective, (www.jesuscollective.com) an organization that is forming around a global network of believers of all faiths and languages who want to be Jesus followers.

  Historically, Post WWII, soldiers and families who were impacted by the deaths of comrades and family members were left looking for answers about what was beyond death.

  Jesus teaches us that being right with God by making Him Lord of our life is the only sure way to get to heaven. Believing in heaven in and of itself is insufficient.

  For the last half century or so, this has been the focus of many churches: the life beyond death that is attained through Jesus. This is what “hell fire and damnation” preaching focuses on to this day but society has changed greatly. 

  Today’s questions aren’t as concerned about what happens beyond death because, praise God, our North American children haven’t been exposed to the mass death a world war leaves in its wake. Today’s seekers want to understand the difference following Jesus makes in the present.

  As depression, anxiety, and loneliness are on the rise in a world of instant connection, those of us who believe in Jesus need to be able to share that Jesus is for the now. We need to be aware that the Gospel contains so much more than the pivotal, love filled moment Jesus died for our sins so we can go to heaven.

  The Gospel consists of the first four books in the New Testament containing the life and teachings of Jesus. Jesus taught the gospel.

  Gospel means “good news”. Bruxy Cavey has written a wonderful outline called the Gospel in thirty words that puts it simply but like a great many simple things, it is profound.

  “Jesus is God with us, come to show us God’s love, save us from sin, set up God’s kingdom, and shut down religion, so we can share in God’s life.” (Taken from Bruxy’s online post “And now for something completely different”.)

  I admit to being stretched by the Anabaptist third way, an irreligious religion that fully embraces Kingdom living. This means holding Biblically based views while understanding that acceptance and agreement are two different things. Basically, this is a conservative set of beliefs combined with a liberal heart. I do need to work on the liberal bit because I find myself struggling to love as Jesus loved. Frequently.

  But He is with me. Right now. I am His and He is mine. Always.

 

  And what a difference this has made!

  If you are struggling and don't know Jesus as Lord, I encourage you to think about accepting Jesus into your life. Just think about it, that's all.

Where I Stand (At the foot of the Cross)

“I planted the seed in your hearts, Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-7

  Faith is a living thing. It takes nurturing, fertilizing, and seasons of rest for it to thrive. Sin is like the locust, or the blight that damages the vine. Yet, by a careful pruning away of the diseased parts, the plant will flourish above and beyond our wildest expectations.

  There is a profound relationship between the soil, the sun, and the rain. Not having enough or having too much of one has the ability to stifle a growing plant if not kill it outright.

  I believe the soil is the community of believers in my life who share my desire to come to know Him better through the inspired Word of God, the Bible. Without community, we have no roots.

  The sun is the Son of God who came to earth, lived, died and ascended into heaven to sit at the right hand of His Father. His light can chase away all the darkness, all the shadows, all the blight and locusts. His Light illuminates the better way: the way of love, grace, peace and forgiveness. He makes it possible for these things to exist within us.

  The rain is the Holy Spirit whose presence pours into our soul the moment we declare Jesus as Lord of our life. He is the third facet of God: God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. This is an attribute of God that is often hard to understand for those who question or for those who seek a greater meaning to life. It can be hard for followers of Jesus to understand, too!

  (Long Pause.)

   So...I am a human. I am also a woman, a mother, a grandmother, an employee, an artist, a musician. There are many different aspects of my identity and abilities that make up me. They are relational not separate. For me, that means I am a better musician because I can paint. I am a better artist because I can hear the song in what I see. I am thankful for these gifts.

  God chose to make us in His image for the purpose of relationship, an image whose very foundation is relational.

  He is Father, Brother, Bride-groom, Friend. He was a babe, a child, a man so an immortal God would know what it was to be mortal. He humbled Himself so He could meet me, us, where we stand.

  He loved us that much He was prepared to die. 

  There is nothing I need to do or nothing I could do that would ever earn His kind of love. It is a gift without limits whose only restriction is based on my own free will and the choices I make. But those are my restrictions, not God’s. They are my limitations, formed from an imperfect understanding of the profoundly simple, "God is Love". There are more limitations shaped by experiences and sin; sin being anything that keeps us apart from God. 

  These limitations are becoming less and less the deeper I delve into matters of faith or as Paul so clearly stated, "God makes the seed grow."

  Faith is a living thing. It takes nurturing, fertilizing and seasons of rest for it to thrive. Faith is the ultimate expression of free will. I have chosen to live my life according to my beliefs as best I can. The best simply gets better every day because God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are active participants in this life not merely bi-standers waiting to greet me when I die.

  Thank You, Jesus, for making this possible. AMEN!

  

A Day Away

   “As God’s partners, we beg you not to accept this marvelous gift of God’s kindness and then ignore it. (The gift is being made right with God through Christ.) 1 Corinthians 6:1

  I am going to add another quote today from the notes on Sunday’s teaching because it explains in a few words what I was trying to say in my last post.

  “Christians often use a false view of God’s providence to excuse our own irresponsibility.”

 

  My friend H and I took a mini-vacation yesterday by heading up to Owen Sound to check out three of the several waterfalls gracing the area. It is an ideal time to go see them in all their majesty as melting snow has swollen the rivers and creeks that feed the falls.

  Inglis Falls, once the site of a grist mill is spectacular! The cliff face is several stories high. The roar of the water drowned out any possibility of conversations. Icy mist swirled overhead making the area around it a magical, icy wonderland.

  The second one, Weaver’s Creek Falls, was found close to downtown Owen Sound within Harrison Park. The falls were lovely but it is the park that ended up being an unexpected delight! It is huge and beautiful and old. There are domesticated water fowl and swans kept in large pond areas as well as several large hutches containing a variety of pheasants from around the world. Weaver Creek, as it meanders through the park, has been carefully reconstructed to provide a more welcoming habitat for trout and salmon. H and I had a moment of childhood delight in going over the foot bridges that span the creek. It is definitely a place to go with my grandchildren.

  Our last stop was Jones Falls. A short hike along an ice packed trail led us to the best vantage point to see it. The creek was lined with icy lace wherever there was shade. It’s a quiet little creek until It, too, plummets several stories. The view of the falls was hampered by cedars trees hanging onto the cliff face.

   The slippery footing made trying to see the falls an adrenaline pumping exercise. There were no fences or railings to prevent a fall should one of us have slipped. The only direction a slip would have taken was straight down into the raging torrent. A mountain goat I am not! For those brief moments, I was a ninety year old and very, very thankful for my hiking stick!

  Both of us laughed at ourselves on the hike back to the car. Weak kneed, and shaking, it took a while. Did I mention I wasn’t a mountain goat?

  This little holiday has left me feeling refreshed and rejuvenated and very thankful there are such wonders only an hour and a bit away.

The Quest Begins

“Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1

  As I read the rest of the chapter, it would appear faith in God places me in good company: Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, and Sarah. (Smile.) Now that’s a good way to start today’s post!

  It’s humbling, too, because I am not always quick to lean on God or trust that He’s got my back. Hmmm, maybe there is some Sarah in me.  Her story and how she took God’s promise for a son into her own hands starts in Genesis 18.

  I had a meeting last night with the first of three contractors I have approached about doing the renovations. His company is well thought of. His credentials were excellent. He was polite, well spoken and enthusiastic. He spent a good while making sure the plans included all the necessary information so the addition is built to code.

  A good point in his favor is he was glad I asked questions! Most were from an excellent list found on the internet about the business end of things. I did not feel I was being patronized at any point in our hour long chat.

  That’s a big plus in his favour.

  Once I have all three quotes I will have to make a decision.

  This is where faith kicks in. Firstly, that I have chosen three contractors who are honest and professional and secondly, that I will make the right choice. While cost is an important factor in this decision, cheap is not always best.

  I have been wondering about choosing three instead of trusting the first one to come my way… Does this imply a lack of faith? Does this mean I don’t trust God to bring the right person before me from the start?

 

  The term “blind faith” has come to mind. Blind faith is a dangerous beast.

  I am diligent when it comes to knowing more about Jesus. I lean on learned teachers, Scriptures and the Holy Spirit to discern the truth about all manner of topics pertinent to life as a Christian. It makes sense to exercise that same diligence when it comes to worldly matters.

  Stewardship. It’s not something talked about very much or even something I think about very much but it is such an important aspect of life and faith. God has blessed me with a home. To maintain this home, it needs updating and constant care. (I noticed the front porch will need re-staining this summer.) By doing this, I am exercising the deepest gratitude for God’s provisions. He has made it so I can afford all these things.

  Playing the flute or piano contains another aspect of being a steward of God’s gifts. It’s up to me to polish and refine those gifts through practice, practice, practice!

  So there we are. I am at peace about this quest for a contractor. It is a wonderful opportunity for my faith to manifest itself as trust in God to guide me throughout all the decision making that will come my way in the next while.

  To God be the glory! AMEN!

Thank You, Jesus

  “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

  What do I know of love?

  I know the love of Jesus surpasses all the broken, imperfect ways we mortals love each other. His is a love that heals, that restores, that pours worth into the worthless.

  I know I have placed mortal qualities on Jesus but He has forgiven me for that then shown me the unwavering truth of who He is but more importantly, why He is. I am humbled by His grace and find that grace is a building block of love.

  Gratitude is the mortar that holds the building blocks of love in place. Gratitude, being always thankful, manifests its self as patience and kindness and compassion. Gratitude is faith in action. And yes, there are days I am not as thankful as I could be, taking for granted the people in my life, the blessings, and the healing. I am forgiven for that, too.

  Today isn’t one of those days. My heart is aching, filling my rib cage with the beyond words, soul filling emotions of gratitude and its sister, joy. It leaves me humbled, in awe of my Creator and all His wonders.

  Maybe that’s what it means when we say love hurts. A revelation this morning because I always thought it meant to be loved was to be hurt…that hurt was the cost of admission.

  (A long pause.)

  This is the only reason it has taken me so long to delve into the idea of love. (Smile.) I know I mention it frequently but I had only a babe’s understanding of the truth and power of the love of God. My understanding of love came with a truckload of baggage. But, finally, I can say with the deepest gratitude that the bags are unpacked, the contents sorted and put away. All that remains is truth, beautiful truth.

  God is love.

Submission or Suppression?

  “But there is one thing I want you to know: The head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3

Or:  The source of every man is Christ, the source of woman is man, the source of Christ is God.

Or Greek: Every man is responsible to Christ, a woman is responsible to her husband, and Christ is responsible to God.

  This is from the last teaching in the series, Her Story. It always amazes me how one word can alter the entire meaning of a sentence. The word, head, was translated from the Hebrew, kephale. It can be translated to mean either authority or source. (www.themeetinghouse.com)

  I understand why the blessed and dedicated people who translated the Scriptures into English would have used the word “head”. I also understand why there have been many misunderstandings take place because of our English interpretation of headship. For example: the industrial revolution and the idea of being head of a company created the unquestionable authority to hire, fire, and make demands with no accountability but the success of the business. It turned people into numbers.

   I think the idea of mutual responsibility to each other and Christ cannot happen within a hierarchy…

  Ok. That’s got me thinking…

  If Christ is the authority of my life, it means I must submit to that authority. Yet willing submission, surrender, is living in agreement to the standards of Christ’s teaching (or at least trying to). If a man believes the source of all he is comes from Christ, he is called to live according to the teachings of the Savior. Women can do the same because our source is Christ and therefore God, inherited through man at our creation. Or maybe a better idea is to live according to the heart of our Savior.

  Now, it sounds easy, but I need to be careful that religious rule keeping doesn’t take over. I suppose that’s another reflection of industrialized nations. Policies and procedures, the grease that keeps the industrial machine running smoothly needs to be set aside when it comes to personal living. They are necessary when it comes to the business end of running a church.

  I am not discounting or disqualifying the importance of ritual as a way to connect with Jesus. This is a very important part of my own faith. It’s when ritual becomes ritual for the sake of itself that something is missing. I am also not going to negate the importance of sitting at the feet of Jesus for our spiritual growth. It is important to learn and keep on learning!

  (Smile.) It would appear I am back at love again and I can’t resist doing this…

  The love of every man is Christ, the love of woman is man, and the love of Christ is God. God is love.

  Responsibility without love becomes duty. Duty without love becomes obligation. Obligation without love becomes servitude. Servitude without love becomes slavery. Slavery cannot exist without oppression. There is no love in oppression.

  Lord, I know there are places that oppression still exists in my heart, in the church and in society. Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. AMEN!

First Steps

“Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1

  It has begun. I have a couple of contractors coming to give me a quote on the major renovations I want to do to the house: mud room addition, kitchen and bath. I confess to being very nervous about the whole thing simply because, and sadly because, I am a woman alone, which is why I am lifting this scriptural passage up as a prayer this morning.

  It was hard enough to find a car mechanic that didn’t take advantage of my gender, my lack of knowledge about cars. I have heard horror stories from other women who ran into the same problem hiring a contractor. It’s hard to believe this sort of thing still happens but there it is.

  But, praise God, I have been involved in major renovations before. I know what needs to be done. I know what is necessary for it to be done correctly. The woman who drew up the plans for the addition also gave me a ball park figure for what it should cost. It pays to be informed.

  Google also provided me with a slew of questions to ask in regards to contracts, payments, permits, timelines, responsibilities and staying in touch. It’s important to make decisions in a timely fashion and stay connected with the contractor throughout the process. I realize there needs to be a contingency fund over and above the quoted cost. Just in case.

  Then there is the big question (and one that is slightly overwhelming me). What to do with the contents of the house. Do they need to be removed and placed in storage? Or can I purchase a lock set for the spare bedroom and put everything in there? I can’t do the same with my bedroom because the contractor will need access to the attic which is in my closet. Oh, those clothes will have to be moved, too.

  How on earth did I acquire so much stuff?!

  What about the tools, etc. in the basement? How will they be kept secure once the wall of the house is opened up? Can the wall be opened after the addition is built and fully enclosed?

  I will have to move out temporarily once the water is shut off until the new plumbing is installed. I can get by without a kitchen; with just having a microwave, a camp stove and a barbecue to cook on outside but water is necessary to stay here.

  Perhaps it would be smart to do the bathroom first as a test for whoever I choose to hire. If they do that right, then we can proceed with the rest. But that would only drag out the chaos.

  Okay. All these concerns I lift to You, Lord. Thank You, for giving me this forum to set down my thoughts on this upcoming (and exciting) opportunity to improve my home. Thank You for the provisions that make it possible. Help me make my decisions wisely. Let me be confident in the knowledge I have yet willing to learn as I go through this. Bless me with a contractor who will be professional and honest. Most of all keep reminding me I am safe and secure in the shelter of Your wings. Don’t let me be overwhelmed by all of this. AMEN!

A Crowd of One

“Father, thank you for hearing me (Jesus). You always hear me, but I said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.” John 11:41-42

  Imagine the crowd gathered around Lazarus’ tomb. When a crowd gathers, it gathers more. It was probably a mixed bunch. There would be Jewish people, those who had accompanied Mary, believing she had gone to the tomb to mourn. Perhaps more townspeople followed along to see what the commotion was all about. Would there have been Greeks, Romans, Gentiles or Samaritans living in Bethany as well? Would they have come along?

  This isn’t one of our better traits, this mob mentality. I plead guilty to following the fire trucks up the road to see the fire that raged through a huge field of corn stubble a couple of springs ago. Praise God it was quenched before it spread to anyone’s home and before it hit town. That would have been terrible. 

  At that time, I confess to seriously questioning the person’s intelligence. What sort of idiot would light a bonfire in a wide open area, on an extremely windy, early spring day especially since there is always a fire ban this time of year? Dead, overwintered grass is highly flammable! 

  (Smile.) I have a long way to go at times. I want to do better because judgment is so ugly.

  Now I wonder why the person felt it was so necessary to light the fire. What’s the story? Is it sad? Was it a new home owner excited to clean up their home? Was it someone who had never lived in the country before? Was it simply that the wind came up suddenly, stirring a small blaze into an inferno? Questions that will never have answers.

 (Smile.) I seem to ask a lot of them but that’s okay. I don’t need to have all the answers.

  Who am I kidding? I do! (Now I am laughing at myself.)

  Is that what builds a crowd; the need to know even when it isn’t any of our business? Or maybe I am just inherently nosy.

  The story of Lazarus happened long before instant entertainment from within the comfort of our own home even existed. A procession would have caused quite a stir, seeing as it wasn’t a funeral. I suppose it is safe to assume the gathered crowd would have contained believers and non-believers, regardless of nationality and just as nosy as I am. (Chuckle.)

  But, Christ is the Redeemer. No matter the motivation that formed this crowd, He used it as an opportunity to glorify His Father and to publicly declare who He was/is. Even before the miracle of raising Lazarus from the dead happened!

  These few words speak of the relationship He had with God; that God heard Him always and that Jesus heard Him. Jesus demonstrated it was possible for everyone to pass through the veil that separated the people from God according to their traditions, their religion, or their disbelief.

  It’s no wonder the Pharisees were threatened by this great shakedown of the status quo.

  Wow. I think I am finally getting a handle on what troubled Jesus so.

  Thank You, Lord, for this wonderful insight. Thank You that my nosiness will be redeemed and transformed into curiosity and compassion. Thank You that compassion, caring and curiosity will be the foundation of all relationships with others and with You. AMEN!

  Now about this veil...

Jesus Wept

  “Where have you put him (Lazarus)?” he (Jesus) asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept. The people who were standing nearby said, “See how much he loved him!” But some said, “This man healed a blind man. Couldn’t he have kept Lazarus from dying?” John 11:34-37

  These few passages contain the shortest verse in the Bible. “Jesus wept.”

  I am humbled by the thought that many a great Biblical scholar has attempted to unravel these passages. (Smile.)  I will just have to trust the Holy Spirit to show me what I need to know.

  One thing for certain is love is God’s motivation in all His interactions with us. If I read this again with love as the jumping off point to understanding, it changes my perspective on this scenario.

  The mourners were angry at God, at Jesus. In their anguish, they believed He had failed them. Lazarus was dead. What more proof did they need?

  (A long pause.)

  Gee, that sounds familiar. It’s a common occurrence in Bible stories from the very beginning and throughout its pages. It’s a common occurrence today, being angry at God and yes, an anger I have felt at times personally. And that’s okay, for a season. In taking my anger at God to God, He has helped me move beyond it.

  Why do we get angry at Him? Is it because we don’t see the big picture? Is it because we are unable to see the good that will come of life’s trials, its losses, its suffering? Is it because we don’t fully grasp how secure we are in God’s hands and His design for our lives and the lives of our loved ones? Does this happen when we need someone to blame for our pain?

  Maybe Jesus wept not because He had failed us but because we had failed Him; another common occurrence. I know He is God and does not need our help but He desires us to be partakers of a relationship with Him. Being angry at someone we love is not unusual. Perhaps that's part of Jesus' anger mentioned in the Lazarus story a couple of times. God, in the form of His Son, came to earth to experience what being human means.

  Except Jesus was angry without sin. (Something that bears a great deal of thought.)

  In knowing what comes next I can't help but ponder that, maybe, for Jesus, this was another prophetic glimpse about His upcoming death as the people gathered around Lazarus’ tomb denied who He was and what He was capable of doing with their words, their anger.

  Was that the moment Jesus knew one of His beloved disciples would betray Him to His death for a handful of coins? Was this the moment He knew they would sleep through the hour of His greatest anguish? Was this the moment He knew Peter would deny Him and the disciples would scatter to the wind the moment He was arrested? Was this the moment He knew Judas would hang himself for what he had done?

  Did Jesus weep for the people gathered in spite of their anger at Him? No. That doesn’t need to be a question. Of this I am sure.

  Without failure, disbelief will be redeemed by belief. That’s what love does. Redeems us. Christ's tears, those beautiful, shimmering rivers of love, will wash away all the doubt, all the pain, all the suffering, all the heartbreak. If we let Him.

  Thank You, Lord, for Your sacrifice and Your unwavering love.

Lent Perspectives

  “When Jesus saw her (Mary) weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.” John 11:33

    “But despite all the miraculous signs Jesus had done, most of the people still did not believe in him.” John 12:37

  I have been pondering the idea that this might be part of Jesus’ anger; part of what troubled His spirit. In a very short while, His beloved disciples and followers would be placing Him in a tomb and would despair that their Lord was gone. They believed He was the Son of God, the Messiah, their King who would redeem the world but when it came to death, it was something none of them could see beyond.

  Even though they saw Lazarus raised from the dead and Jesus had told them He would return, for three days they mourned as though He was gone forever. I sincerely doubt I would have behaved any differently had I been there. But, praise God, I have the knowledge of how The Story ends!

  I was wondering if Jesus was faced with images of His upcoming crucifixion as He gazed upon Lazarus’ tomb. Was this the moment He knew what lay ahead? Not long after, He sat the disciples down and predicted His death and betrayal. 

  The raising of Lazarus set those events into motion. Some of those who had seen the miracle went to the Pharisees who, from then on, became fully determined to kill Jesus (11:53).

   It was the beginning of the end that must happen for the sake of all humanity.

   Anger is complicated. It is the result of a complex accumulation of emotions. Perhaps it is a sign of our humanity that our feelings for others often end up internalized. We can grow angry over the injustice suffered by others yet our hearts will also be angry about the injustices we have personally experienced. Maybe that’s why we can empathize with others. Maybe that’s what makes us better people.

  Or is it because of our emotions and experiences we can help others in their pain?

  (Smile.) So many questions!

  Maybe it's both.

  We have a God who is willing to humble Himself in mortal form to experience all what it means to be human in a world filled with sin. He designed us, made us in His image, yet knowledge without experience lacks dimension and understanding. I think the difference in how we see and feel things is simply because we are mortal.

  As I have written today’s post, there’s a part of me wrestling with the idea that I cannot understand the heart of God because I am not a god. I am simply a woman typing away in her kitchen. That’s a good thing! (Smile.)

  I do know His motivation and am slowly coming into a place of understanding what that means. God’s sole motivation is love for His creations. He is love. 

  Sometimes love manifests itself as anger.

  

Short on time, long on thought

  "...a deep anger welled up within him (Jesus), and he was deeply troubled." John 11:33 (JCB)
  "...He groaned in the spirit, and was troubled." KJV
  Other translations say Jesus was "deeply moved in the spirit."

  We are so blessed to have Google and access to so many wonderful opportunities to learn! I spent most of my writing time investigating anger starting with Hebrew found in the Jewish Encyclopedia.
  "Haron" the burning of the nose. Signifying when we get angry our nostrils tend to flare.
  "Ebrah" a boiling over.
  "Rogez" anger.
  "Ka'as" chagrin.
  "Kezef" provocation.
  "Hemah" wrath.
  "Za'af" rage.
  "Za'am" outpouring of fury or indignation.  

  Groaning is literally translated as the snorting of horses. Which they do when mishandled or frightened or when they are in the midst of physical exercise. (That raises a lot of questions!) Horses can't talk but they do have a language. Was Jesus beyond words to express what was in His heart?
 
  Sometimes language falls far short of truly expressing what is going on but I feel this is an important aspect of coming to know God and His Son better.
  How or when does anger become selfless?

  The scene here is of Jesus, attending the grave of someone He loved dearly. He has come alongside  people who also have a special place in His heart; people who are suffering because of the loss of a loved one.
  It is not above God to experience all we experience. That's why Jesus came, to experience the full breadth of what it means to be human, but for us to experience all God experiences would be more than we could handle.
 
  Hmmm, I think I am tackling this backwards. Jesus doesn't have some sort of mysterious range of emotions. They are the same as ours because we were made in the image of God.
  That bears some thinking about, too.
  How do I feel when I am at a funeral, laying a loved one to rest? What is my motivation for being there? What is the difference when it is someone I knew well or if the funeral is for an acquaintance or even if I am only there to support a friend?
  Much to think about today. Lord, grant me clarity. In Jesus' name I pray. AMEN!
 

Next Steps

    “When Jesus saw her (Mary, sister of Lazarus) weeping and saw other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.” John 11:33

  This passage has become a stumbling block to the book I have been neglecting for the last couple of months. These few, critically important, words have created many questions I don’t have answers for. I have also been reluctant to assume what is going on in the heart of God.  It is necessary for me to understand in order to continue the next leg of the book journey. The solution? Go looking for answers to clarify what was happening in Jesus’ heart.

  Question one: why was he angry?

  Question two: why was he troubled?

  Today I will tackle the anger question.

  A quick search through Google has explained “Six Things That Made Jesus Angry” (Jana Duckett): hypocrisy, greed, lukewarm living, hard heartedness, superiority, and spiritual pride. These were taken from various scriptures but there was no mention of this particular passage. Do these sins apply to this scenario?

  Is he angry that Martha and Mary followed their Jewish customs despite being believers that Jesus is the Messiah? At least, I am assuming they did simply because of the mourners who were still with them four days after Lazarus’ death, a Jewish tradition. I suppose that could be classified under hypocrisy and lukewarm living.

  Is he angry that Martha and Mary were unable to recognize their own power as believers? Mind you, the Holy Spirit had yet to be given to anyone. It’s only after that wonderful event the disciples were able to do the miracles of God. So perhaps that’s a moot point.

  Is he angry because the ladies had put a timeline on his ability to do miracles, like there was some earthly limitation to his abilities as the Son of God?

  Is he angry because they were angry/sad/disappointed at him for not showing up according to their own timeline? Martha says it well, “Lord, if only you had been here.” 11:21 Boy, do I commiserate with Martha on this one. It can be hard learning to live according to God’s timeline for our lives.

  Unfortunately, I have to leave off at this point. There’s a staff meeting at work this morning.

  Lord, I’ve raised these questions and found a few answers. Grant me further understanding and wisdom. I believe this is one of those key moments that reveals the truth of who You are and who Your Son is. Let me see truth. In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN

About Disassociation

  “Daughter,” he (Jesus) said to her, “your faith has made you well. Go in peace.” Luke 8:48

  Today is going to be a bit different. I had an amazing conversation with a good friend so I thought I would share some of it. I am talking today about the impact of emotionally traumatic events.

  Let’s start by clarifying trauma. Everyone copes with the bad things in life in different ways. Some of us are better equipped to ride out the storms. Age, confidence, resiliency, physical and mental well being all play a role in how traumatic events impact us. Different things affect people differently so today I am asking my readers to throw out the scale. It is impossible for us to pre-determine or limit the impact an event has on someone else. God is the only one who knows.

  Trauma can only be defined as a set of circumstances which rocks our understanding of the world and our place in it.

  Emotional trauma causes brain damage. I have to give thanks here for the scientist who discovered this quite recently because it is positive proof there is a lot going on that can hamper our ability to “get over it”. (Those are three of the cruelest words ever said.) It takes time for the brain to heal, to create new neural networks but I’ve written about that before.

  I am going to share about a coping mechanism those of us who have experienced trauma often use. It’s disassociation. It’s like packing an emotionally charged event into a box and taping it shut.

   Sometimes this happens because we are too young to understand what has happened. Sometimes it happens because the feelings are too big, too ugly or there is a great deal of shame attached to the event, particularly in the case of sexual abuse. In its extremity, the event is blocked from conscious memory.

  I think, too, that needing to keep secrets is part of the box’s construction either though our own choices, or our inability to grasp what has happened, or if the need for secrecy is enforced by threats. (One of the tools an abuser uses to maintain control.)

  The problem is, it works. Once learned, it becomes a go-to response in dealing with the ups and downs of life. Packing these things away means we can function almost normally. We carry on and give the impression we “got over it.” That is if “it” was ever shared at all. (God, be with those who are doing some unpacking of their own.)

  Here’s the thing. When we do this, a piece of ourselves gets locked away (as though the child self is separated from the adult self for her own protection) until something leads us to unpack these boxes. In extreme case, these pieces of a fractured identity can function independently, taking over the conscious mind for days or weeks at a time. When another part of the personality takes over, the other shuts down with no awareness of the first except for realizing that time was lost. But this is rare.

  Have you ever lost a loved one and walked around in a fog while funeral arrangements are being made and the loved one laid to rest? Have you found yourself unable to cry, to mourn, until days or weeks or even years after? That’s disassociation from traumatic events in action. It’s a normal response! One that was wired into our being for the days we ran from tigers.

  (A rueful smile.) Emotional tigers have big teeth, too.

  But here’s the good news. It is possible for reintegration to happen. It’s a hard road that takes bravery, fortitude and determination to follow because it means unpacking the boxes. (God bless those who are on this journey.) As the emotional healing takes place and our brains are retrained, there is a reuniting, a homecoming, of the identities that were put away for safekeeping.

 

  On a more personal note, it does get easier, this pursuit of truth and wholeness. It has a great reward because each time a box is unpacked and a piece of me has been reintegrated, I am closer to the woman God made me to be. All because I reached out and touched the hem of His garment.  I want to celebrate, too, because I get a sense this part of my journey is almost complete. Understanding what it means to be a woman is where God began and where it has brought me now. God’s truth has woven itself into the fabric of my identity during this fifteen year journey. He has poured His love into all the boxes.

  I feel that I have finally come home: all the pieces of me because God loved me first.

All

  “But God had mercy on me (Paul) so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners.” 1 Tiimothy 1:16

  And God’s mercy is for all.

  For those who may be broken in mind or spirit.

  For those who may be bound by religion.

  For those whose faith is as deep as an ocean.

  For those whose faith is like a drop of rain.

  God’s mercy is for all.

  For those who are in a season of serving.

  For those who are in a season of being served.

  For those who question.

  For those who seek.

  For those who turn away.

  For those who think they are not perfect.

  For those who think they are.

  God's mercy is for all.

  The woman trapped by addictions.

  The man trapped in the sex trade.

  The boy who is struggling to find his identity.

  The girl who was made a woman far too early.

  God’s mercy is for all.

  All means everyone.

  AMEN!

 

On Eagle's Wings

    “Don’t drink only water. You ought to drink a little wine for the sake of your stomach because you are sick so often.” 1Timothy 5:23

  I confess to thinking that Timothy had written this book. My mistake albeit a fairly big one and an admission there is always something to learn! This is Paul’s letter to him. Thank You, Lord, while giving me the gift of truth, I have value, You have made sure to adorn it with ribbons of humility. (Smile.)

   In the midst of several pages of instructions and advice for men and women in the church and in the home, this little gem pops up out of nowhere. It says so much and raises a gazillion questions!

  Was Timothy feeling the stress of trying to organize a church in Ephesus that, in reading the entire book I understand was rife with complications and misunderstandings? Was that why his stomach was bothering him? We know now that ulcers and alcohol don’t mix but back then the water may have been more questionable.

  It was awfully sweet of Paul to encourage Timothy to not forget to take care of himself, too!

  I have no idea where this is going. There have been several attempts to say something wise that have ended up being nothing more than fluff and feathers to be quickly deleted. It would appear wisdom is not my friend this morning. (Smile and a laugh.)

  How about I share how excited I am to know there is a pair of Bald Eagles nesting just north of me? A couple weeks ago one flew past but I wasn’t sure if my eyes hadn’t been deceived by the morning sun. They weren’t. A friend confirmed their presence in the area. It’s good to know their numbers have increased enough that the eagle’s territory is expanding outside of protected and isolated areas. They were once critically endangered.

  But people made better choices. I think the pesticide DDT played a role in the eagle’s falling numbers as well as several other raptors. It was banned. Nesting sites were built. Penalties for killing them grew. We took the high road and some fifty years later the eagles now fly over new areas.

  So that’s it for today except to say that church leadership isn’t responsible for our choices.

  I also want to pray for the pastors, priests, ministers, missionaries and elders who have taken on the role as church leaders. I pray for those leaders whose health suffers because of the commitment to their congregations. May God sustain you and infuse your life with health and the Holy Spirit. In Jesus’ name I pray. AMEN!

No Room for Status

  “And I want women to be modest in their appearance.” 1 Timothy 2:9

  Even now the clothes we wear, the jewelry we adorn ourselves with makes a statement about our wealth, our social standing.

  The lovely woman who led me to the Lord shared this story a long while back. They had suffered a terrible fire, losing everything they owned except for the clothes on their back. These were barn clothes, soiled and dirty. The only foot wear left was big, green rubber boots stained from tending their horses which, thankfully, had not been harmed in the fire. Reeling from the loss, they were encouraged to go to church and seek the comfort of God.

  They cleaned themselves up as best they could with no running water due to the fire. They sat in the back, their clothes wafting the incense of barn throughout the service.

  They tried to make themselves as small as possible in the very back row yet many a churchgoer turned and stared at them, the disgust and contempt clear on their faces.

  A few years later, she was able to share the events of those terrible days with the congregation. She shared how her daughter had gone to a garage sale searching for much needed household items. There was a box of old photographs on the table. They were of her mother's family. I don’t remember how they ended up on the sale table but a small piece of what was lost was restored by God. The seller gave them to the family.

  After sharing her story at church, a man came up to her with tears in his eyes. He apologized because he had been one of the people who had turned and stared. He apologized for judging her for her appearance.

  It is far easier for a wealthy person to dress down than it is for the poor to dress up. Our clothes automatically create a hierarchy. Hierarchy is not of God. Timothy is calling us to be humble and welcoming to all even through our appearance.

  All means everyone.

  I have to plead guilty for judging others based on appearance and (smile) gender. It can be so automatic I am not even aware it’s happening. I am trying to do better.

  It’s another of those subconscious lessons so prevalent in today’s society. Beauty and wealth is the sales pitch for everything from cars to beer to garbage bags. We are faced with a barrage of images setting up the misconceptions of what true beauty is. Hmmm...how does wealth have anything to do with beauty anyways?

  I need to keep in mind what Timothy said a couple of verses later.

  “For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do.”

  I think we are far more attractive because of who we are: children of God, light bearers in a dark world. And that is the most important doing of all. AMEN!

On Motherhood

  “But women will be saved through childbearing, assuming they continue to live in faith, love, holiness and modesty.” 1 Timothy 2:15

  This is another one of those controversial passages that has served to be particularly hard on women. It has somehow hammered in the lie that only by bearing children do we have value. I am not sure if back in the day there was an understanding that a man might have the fertility issue, not his wife.

  Yesterday’s post spoke in metaphor, about the devil having a merry old time tromping around in my head. Perhaps Timothy’s statement is metaphorical with far richer implications than the literal, physical act of bearing children being the sum of our worth. Looking at it this way is in keeping with the teaching traditions of the time. Jesus used metaphors in a great number of His teachings.

  My Bible has a footnote about this passage from other translations. “Or will be saved by accepting their roles as mothers, or will be saved by the birth of the Child.”

  I feel this passage is meant to speak into the fundamental heart of women. We are the personification of the Mother Heart of God formed out of Adam to be in partnership with men, the personification of the Father Heart of God. Together we create the whole. 

  This surpasses marital boundaries doesn’t it? 

  This is about being united in serving God and in serving others from two very different perspectives that become how Love manifests itself in its entirety. (Thank You, Lord, that Your grace plays a huge part in this. Thank You, in some small way, my heart understands now.)

  I think of Christ on the Cross looking down on the disciple He loved and the good woman who gave Him life. “Dear woman, here is your son…Here is your mother.” John 19:26-27 At that moment motherhood was set free of the boundaries of physical connection, of child bearing. It was His third final act as a man.

  I feel it was a gift and an important one. Not long after, Jesus said, “I am thirsty.” Mary was absolved of a mother’s role to ease that suffering. Her Son was no longer hers. 

  Jesus' sacrifice on the Cross was the moment He took on the suffering of the world. Perhaps that's why He released His mother. It was far more than she could ever bear.

  A mother's heart suffers with those who suffer. It is one way we love.

  (Wow. There was a long pause while I thought about the implications of those last few paragraphs; as I thought about what was happening in Mary’s heart as she watched her Son die, not knowing He would return.)

  Timothy has given us the definitive requirements of motherhood: faith, love, holiness and modesty. 

  (Smile.) Sometimes I get it right, sometimes not so much. I do like the idea of faith being first. That's how we learn to love like God.

The High Road

  “Women should learn quietly and submissively.” 1Timothy 2:11

  I learned some very crucial historical context for these verses in 1Timothy. It is one of the most hotly contested sections of the Bible because it has continued to prevent women from having leadership roles in the church (Complimentarianism). Anabaptists believe that men and women are equally capable of leading (Egalitarianism.) In fact, they welcome female insight and input as we come together to explore and understand God’s Word.

  What I love the most is even before the rest of the teaching started, we were reminded to love our brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of doctrine. If they believe Jesus is the Son of God, that through Him salvation is possible, and that the Bible is the Word of God, they are our brothers and sisters.

  This was a time when women were welcomed into the learning circle; a gift of the New Covenant under Jesus Christ. Prior to that, only men were taught to read and write. It is because of a lack of knowledge women were being misguided and led away from truth. Not knowing any better, they fell prey to those who would see the early church fall apart. Through misguided albeit (I feel) good intentions, they would share these false teachings with others.

  This is why Timothy addresses the women, encouraging them to learn. These verses were never meant to be used as a tool to oppress us. God doesn’t work that way. At all.

  There was so much more explained in this fourth installment of the series, “Her Story”. It is available on The Meeting House website (www.themeetinghouse.com) and is well worth checking out. I had many an “aha!” moment.

  I’ve learned a lot over the last month. Mostly it’s about forgiveness.

  It isn’t meant to be a burden. Yet how many of us have heard someone say when we struggle with past hurts, “You just haven’t forgiven enough.” (Remind me, Lord, to be kind to them in their misunderstanding. In my ignorance, I have said it as well.)

  It can be hard when someone slathers guilt and shame over everything. We often do it to ourselves! What’s the passage? Let your yes be yes and your no be no. “I forgive!” means you, we, have.

  I think, too, this simpler way of looking at forgiveness grants us permission to revisit memories. (Smile. It’s hard to avoid sometimes.) Forgiveness is an evolutionary process. 

   It isn’t about forgetting. God may be able to forgive and forget our sin because He sees us through Jesus. I am not God although I am trying to learn how to see others through the eyes of Jesus. I think the issue is not so much about what we remember or even the feelings tied to those memories. It’s what we do with them.

  It’s about choosing to take the high road, God’s road. We do have the choice to replace "I can't forgive" with "I want to forgive". 

  I have to admit this is a lovely metaphor for how the brain works. Emotional events create new neural pathways/roadways. Similar events reinforce the lessons learned be they good, bad or indifferent. There is always some common connection when different events of the past come to mind. This is the biggest lesson I learned and finally came to understand. There's a big difference.

  Each time I have ended up in the midst of these storms, while the memories are the same, the emotional charge, the common pathway (or lesson) uniting them, has always been different.

  When the devil has a merry old time tromping around our heads, we don’t have to join him. We don’t have to agree with a single poisonous thing he says about ourselves and others. (In my case, men but God has helped me there tremendously over the last month, too.) 

  The last thing the enemy of our soul wants to see are his sinuous footpaths crumbling. God’s road makes sure that happens.

  His road is called Freedom.