God is Good

  "I (the Lord) have not sent these prophets, yet they run around claiming to speak for Me. I have given them no message, yet they go on prophesying." Jeremiah 23:21

  He is good indeed!

  It's early and dark outside. I don't often wake up so soon but it was a restless night with fitful dreams. Moments of wakefulness were full of unspoken words, the kind not said because...well, because I have a huge flaw. 

  I find it very hard to stand up for myself. You see, I don't want to inflict pain on anyone else. I know what it is to be hurt. I don't want my words to come from that place of hurt or anger. The problem with this is that my silence ends up poisoning my heart because silence is the fertile ground for bitterness. 

  I have much to learn about what a healthy relationship looks like because, until recently, none of them were. Some of them still aren't but for a multitude of reasons, those people are part of my life. 

  Thank you, Lord, for helping me discern next steps in these situations.

  Some days, it feels as though I am about to explode. Today is one of them. I just want to smash and tear and destroy. All because of a couple of comments on the blog. The one I deleted contained one word, "die." It was written over and over and over. It echoes what someone said to me in anger a week or so ago, "You're so nasty, you should just kill yourself!"

  That jewel was in response to me enforcing some boundaries they didn't like. They have no idea what it took to do so but, based on their response, I doubt they even care.

  The person I was standing with encouraged me to walk away, "Because you don't need to hear this."

  Yah, I didn't.

  I don't understand why or how people can say something like this to anyone. As for the hurting person who posted the comment, there is safety in anonymity, isn't there? As much as I am curious to know who wrote it, I know God knows and that is sufficient.

  I will walk away.

  There's a great deal of hesitance in writing about the next comment following, "Doin' the Work." but I feel it needs to be addressed. 

  Anonymous spoke about making peace by going to someone and asking them to forgive you for hurting them and offing forgiveness for how they hurt you. 

  Today is such a day.

  I forgive you for the hurt caused by the dismissive term, "inner sentiment," used to define the deep, spiritual healing found through expressing forgiveness (and repentance I might add) before God. 

 

  It's very sad that you have been hurt. Are you waiting for someone to say they are sorry? Maybe there's a reason they haven't. Have you asked them? Have you asked them why they walked away? Can you find the place in your heart to forgive them anyways?

  I am sorry for asking these things on such a public forum but I have no idea who you are. I am only deeply reassured in the knowledge that God knows you and that's all that matters.

  And I am guilty of doing the same thing: waiting, hoping, someone would say they were sorry for what they did to me. Releasing my expectations of others is a work in progress. Every. Single. Day.

  Which also brings me back to my huge flaw of not standing up for myself. Chances are, they have no idea how much pain they caused. And that, my friends, is on me.

  Lord, hear my prayer. Thank You for Jesus because we need Him more than ever. AMEN!