Comfort Food

  "But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!" Matthew 6:23

  Day Nine of the Gina Livy program. We are encouraged to examine our relationship with food. At some point early yesterday afternoon, I obliged. And God spoke up with two words, "Self Harming." Out came the art supplies. 

  My job in the mental health field means I am all too familiar with the reasons people self harm. This is the term used when people cut themselves as one example. This behaviour isn't remotely related to being suicidal or attempting to take your own life. It is a coping mechanism. The reasons are many. Someone may be so disconnected from their emotions they need to feel something, anything. Others may be utterly overwhelmed by their emotions and need something, anything to distract them or help them feel in control.

  Everyone who self harms is in pain: emotional, physical and mental pain. By self harming, they find comfort. 

  But it's a double edged blade. Self harming comes with its own secret mountain of emotional issues primarily guilt and shame. On top of all the other struggles, it only leads to more self harming. It's a vicious cycle but with help, support and acceptance, it is possible to find healthier ways of coping.

  My double edged blade has been slathered with peanut butter. Which, praise God, I don't have to give up entirely because I really like peanut butter but now it's a source of protein instead of being used as a comfort food.

  In praying though this, I realized loneliness was never eased by eating a bag of cookies. A bag of chips didn't provide the loving physical touch I was starved for. Manners, like eating everything on the plate, never played a role in feeling accepted, only stuffed to the gills and ashamed for how much I'd devoured in a very short time. 

  Belly pain from overeating never took away the underlying emotional pain the Lord has been faithful in healing these last 19 years. He has brought me to this place where I am able to begin another journey. There's no should of, could of, done this a long time ago because, honestly, I couldn't have begun tackling the complexities of my relationship with food until now. God has provided everything so I am able to succeed in this new way of living. He even brought my friend and I a guide to show us the way!

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  I have been deceived by the idea of "comfort food" because, when all is said and done, there has been very little comfort to be found through stuffing my face. I think a bowl of chicken soup is a comfort when you are sick but the comfort is found by giving the body what it needs to feel better.

  As a little aside, my meds have always caused carb and sugar cravings within an hour of taking them. This has been a huge contributing factor in the relentless weight gain of the last couple decades. So...it turns out all I was was thirsty. The meds cause dehydration as well as stress on the liver and kidneys. The body needs water to flush the system.

  Water, it turns out, is my new best friend. Sorry, peanut butter. Gina's food plan includes drinking adequate water to be hydrated. We need a minimum of 2.7-3.5 litres a day. My meds mean I need more than that. I am still tweaking the amount I need to drink while never dropping below the minimum. Yes, trips to the ladies' room are frequent in these early days on the program but we've been promised they will ease off.

  Pretty much every single food craving is the body crying out for liquid. This knowledge has been as life changing as making sure I get my 5000 mg of vitamin D every day without fail! 

  I am grateful to have found a program that addresses all the mental and physical reasons for being overweight. Address those, and the weight will come off naturally. How amazing is that!