Signs and Wonder

 "Surely life is more than food, the body more than clothes. Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow and reap and store in barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. You are worth more than the birds!" Matthew 6:15-26 

  The chapter is right but the verse numbers might be wrong. I am using a different Bible where only the lines are numbered. It was at work. I couldn't throw it out so it came home with me. I've never been able to throw out a Bible because it doesn't sit right to callously toss God's Word into the recycling bin. It's the New English Bible, printed in 1966, and reads like like The Message does. Within its pages, a small four leaf clover marked out the pages of Sunday's teaching.

  I wonder if this is a sign . (Smile.) I don't have to wonder. What are the odds of the previous owner of this Good Book finding a four leafed clover and leaving it for me to find? Of all the plants in the world, it is the one thing that has tremendous spiritual significance in my life: a symbol of God's promise that He will restore all that the locusts have eaten. 

  And He is. Every day.

  He has given me happiness, the kind that settles into your heart and wraps your soul in peace. 

  Even though yesterday was one of my anxious days, I made some wise choices and came home to play in the dirt. Bedtime came with a sense of accomplishment and hope for the new tomato plants and veggie seeds tucked safely into the soil.

  Even though birds don't plant gardens, cleaning out my decorative pond and filling it with fresh water brings them to drink and bathe. As I watered the garden last night, a male ruby throated hummingbird took advantage of the gentle mist sprayed just for him. He hovered in the cool spray, enjoying the shower and even paused to preen within arms reach. I couldn't help but smile at this little jewel of a bird being so bold.

  For as long as I can remember, the little things are what have brightened my day even if it was only for a few moments.

  I gaze in wonder at God's creativity.

  I take time to watch a flower dancing in the sudden breeze that cooled my sunbaked shoulders.

  I am delighted a baby toad took up residence amongst the newly transplanted herbs.

  I pause to look with wonder at everything around me and give thanks to a God who made such a wonderful world.

   

  

A River Runs Through It

   "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you: I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1-2

  This verse, in this season of my life, has touched every part of my innermost being. It's why it deserves a repeat. I am comforted, encouraged and so grateful for God's Word.

  I know I only posted last night, but this marvelous brain was full of thoughts this morning because on Tuesday Gina had a guest speaker, a psychologist. She was there to stir our minds into digging deep into the past especially when it's related to our misconceptions and attitudes around food. 

  She shared that she often asks her clients to draw a river representing their life as a way of gaining a fresh perspective around why they are where they are today. My artist soul leapt at the idea because it tied in so well to everything I write here with God and the Black River.

  Because this is a food program, the focus was on drawing a river to represent past dieting. I know there are many people in the group who have been yo-yo dieting for years. It's not something I've done intentionally but there have been times I was much thinner due to the type of job I worked. Not working wasn't kind to my waistline.

  Instead, I got thinking about the image of a river in regards to my life's story. 

  For the most part, it hasn't been a lazy meandering kind of river. There are lots of rapids formed by surrounding steep cliffs. It's a wonderful metaphor for the sexual, mental and physical abuse that was so much a part of my life's story.

  There's been times the river has poured over steep cliffs, adorned with rainbows formed by the mist of water being swallowed by the air. It earmarks those seasons of helplessness, of feeling trapped, of insanity. Yes, I have lost my mind. I've tried to remember what happened during those darkest days but only snippets of memory ever make themselves known. It took me a long time to make peace with this.

  This life river even ventured underground during those times I lost hope and merely marked the day's passing into night with nothing but dread for the tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. It spent a lot of time underground in my years apart from God. And yes, there have been times since then only it's different because I knew Jesus knew the way out from underground. I only needed to follow where He led. Sometimes the way out is found even deeper underground.

  The river had its places where it broke into shallow streams which slowly wrapped their way around the desert sands that formed them. There's sense of aimless, vapid, lifelessness here; of being subjected to dark forces I had no control over.

  What does Forest Gump say? "That's all I have to say about that."

  Because that was then, this is now. And as I thought about all this before sitting down to write, a clear image of a majestic Roman aqueduct leapt into my mind; one whose arches have and have always had the strength to bear the weight of my river. God's hand is a marvel of engineering!

  A river is a powerful thing, too. It has the force to change the shape of the world. Fed by life giving rains, nothing will stand in its way. Cliffs will crumble, underground will become the surface, and lifeless sand is utterly helpless before it. Green things will eventually grow where water touches the desert.

  I like the unbelievably clear river my life is right now. It feels like I've waited my whole life to find this place. I give thanks, my Lord, for all of it: the cliffs, the caves, and the desert because my river's journey has finally brought me to where I belong. AMEN!

  

  

  

   

Busy Success

   "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk though the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze." Isaiah 43:1-2

  Last week there were boxes piled up high, the furniture was all askew, the entire work space was chaos, chaos everywhere. Hard work, a few extra shifts, a good team and the place is starting to feel like home again. We have to wait for insurance to give the go-ahead on the major purchases so my desk consists of a folding table for now. It works, that's all that matters.

  The main door is still boarded up. It needs to be replaced because the fire department broke it down to access the inside last year. Honestly, I have no idea why it hasn't been done by now. At least we have another door we can use. The steps leading up to it aren't in great shape but it will simply have to do.

  We've ended up staying closed this entire week to get settled in. I am thankful because it means everyone can focus on getting our act together. 

  I've mostly managed to keep on track with the Gina Livy program. This week we are working on eating just until we are slightly unsatisfied. I tried but a few more calories were needed at work to help with much needed extra energy. A couple of cookies found their way into my tummy yesterday because I hadn't packed enough lunch. A couple of cookies aren't going to make or break what I am trying to do.

  For the most part, this ole body has been very cooperative with the whole venture. Because all meals and snacks are nutritious, it needs less anyways. 

  I've already shared about some of the non scale victories so far. Today's FB live session ended with a suggestion to think about all the things we did before that we aren't doing now. 

  

  It feels like there's been a whole lot of deliverance from the chains of sin that were in my life. 

  The devil wanted me to think it was impossible for eating habits to be broken. I believed him.

  The devil wanted me to think that food cravings must be satisfied right away. I obeyed them.

  The devil wanted me to think I was safer being overweight. I agreed.

  The devil wanted me to think food gave me comfort. I blindly followed.

  The devil wanted me to not think about any of this...ever.

  God, on the other hand, obviously wanted me to.

  You know something? I think I will follow Him instead.

I will follow You!

   "O Lord of Heaven's Armies, what joy for those who trust in You." Psalm 84:12

  It's a gray, rainy day, the first in a long time and much needed. I am thankful because this ole body is very tired and sore from all the hard slogging over the last three days. I'm not even sitting at the kitchen table but in the living room, with classical music playing in the background and my body hugged by a comfy recliner. 

  I'm thankful for the rain and the inevitable mosquitoes because it means working outside would be very unpleasant. There's much to do in the gardens but God provided the means to rest without feeling the guilt or pressure of waiting to-do's. Who am I to say, "No," to a blessing!

  We got a lot accomplished at work. Many boxes are unpacked. There is some delay in getting everything finished because we are waiting for replacement furniture. That's not coming until Tuesday. Hopefully by then, my back will feel much better.

  It will take time, that's all, until the last picture is hung on the wall. 

  Our boss treated us with a pizza lunch. Despite the diet, I politely had a couple of slices but left the thick crust on my plate. I can't believe how awful it tasted! Salty for sure but it also had a chemical aftertaste. So did a small slice of made-from-a-mix brownie. It's safe to assume it's from artificial flavours and preservatives added to the meat, sauce, pizza dough and mix. I'll not be straying off diet again any time soon.

  We were warned this would happen, how our taste buds would change after eating whole, freshly made foods for an extended period of time. Knowing this, it will make it easier to turn down fast, premade meals or treats. 

  My weight was up a fraction this morning but since my body is in pain and muscles need healing, it's focusing on that, not fat purging. We were warned about this, too. It has nothing to do with eating pizza. I must give it plenty of water today to help things along.

  The best part of Gina's program is gaining so much knowledge about how weight loss and our body works. 

  The hardest part for me is goal setting. For anyone who has been following along, you know it's an area I struggle with in life. Maybe it's time to address aka. pray about why this is...

  Lord, I pray You will bring be a fresh understanding about why goal setting is so hard. Glory be to Jesus. AMEN!

  Logically, there should be no reason why I can't. It's not a complicated process. It's merely making a decision about what I'm aiming to accomplish and allowing appropriate time for this to happen.

  Emotionally...yup...there's the issue.

  (Smile.) The first part of this post is actually a testimony to goals set and accomplished for work and my diet! What's so hard when it comes to personal goals? Why do these stir up a boatload of fear?

  Part of this is changing a lifestyle that's been lived reactively to one that is lived proactively. It might be hard, but with God's help, not impossible.

  Oh...personal goal setting issues...that was awfully quick, my Lord, but hey, I did ask didn't I? 

  "What I want is of no consequence, irrelevant, and unworthy of any consideration."

  "My goals are wrong, unsuitable, not what others want/demand from me."

  That last bit is at the root of everything.

  It needs digging up and pulling out. Weeds like this don't belong because they are not of God.

  They started growing in childhood, were carefully tended for and fertilized throughout my marriage as a means of maintaining control. And controlled I was.

  But God set me free from that life. I just need His help to shake off the ghosts.

  Since He gave me answers so quickly, I trust Him to help me shake off the behaviours that continue to feed the lie. I can make my needs and personal goals known, defend them if I have to, but stop allowing others to override what I feel is best for my life. My Lord's input is always welcomed!.

  (Smile.) And I end with a goal. How's that for awesome!

The Return Home

   "I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along." Psalm 40:1-2

  Work has finally closed up shop at the arena. We are back where we belong: home. It is a second home for me because long before I worked at the drop in, I was a visitor. The centre was my sanctuary. It was a place of belonging in my darkest season. It was where I didn't have to be alone. It was where I could be myself: broken, sick, and with a heart and mind full of pain. Nobody tried to "fix" me. Nobody judged me. I was accepted just as I was.

  I've learned a lot about Christian values and what they mean through the staff who welcomed me.

  There is still much to do. Unpacking, setting up new furniture to replace what was destroyed by the fire, more unpacking. Like any move, it will take time for us to settle in. It will take time before we are totally up and running. If we are able to open the kitchen by the middle of next week, we'll have done well. Eventually, we can let people come in: the broken, the sick, and those whose hearts and minds are full of pain.

  I will be able to begin running my art group on Fridays. That's the best, being paid to do what I love. There's healing happening there, too, for the people who take part.

  Yesterday was the big move day. I got a text first thing. Covid had struck and removed the two staff who planned to be there. Not that long ago, such a sudden change would have sent me into complete panic. More on that in a minute.

  My friend was able to help load my SUV and her tiny hatchback. (I am incredibly blessed to have such a friend.) Another staff came in so once the cars were unloaded, she and I did one more trip. There's still a few larger items at the arena but there's no rush to get them.

  There was another little curve ball today. I don't normally work Thursdays but went in with plans of at least getting the kitchen in some kind of shape. However, there was a cleaning crew from the insurance company tasked with deep cleaning the stove, fridge and dishwasher. When I say deep clean, they practically dismantled the appliances. Three guys working took several hours to finish. So, no, the kitchen is still in shambles.

  Since the kitchen was a no-go, I just shifted gears. No grinding, no bewilderment, no anxiety, no frozen brain, nada. 

  Wow.

  Is this how other people live? Is this what it means to be well? But why now? Why not six months or six years ago?

  The only thing that has changed is my diet. God put Gina Livy's program in my friend's sights. He's the one who gave me the willingness to sign up to support her. I am in it for my own well being now.

  God must have known how much it would help.

  It's how He designed us.

  Pizza isn't harvested. Cookies don't grow on trees. Salami doesn't graze in green fields. I am chuckling at the thought. It would be impossible to know which end was the front! 

  If this much change has happened only 25 days into the program, I can't even imagine what it will be like at the end of the 91 days! It won't end there for me, though. If what I eat can make so much difference in my state of mind, why would I ever go back to the old ways?

  I guess this, too, is a coming home, a returning to the way it was meant to be.

  Lord, I can't begin to thank You enough. 

Temptation-Test to do Good

   "People do not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matthew 4:4

  We've had a stretch of warm, dry weather so the garden has called. Mostly it's saying, "Weed Me!" 

  One of my garden boxes was starting to come apart at the corners. It's only plastic so the weight of the earth is too much for it. I invested in some cedar boards and built one to replace it and will gradually replace the other one with cedar. It will last a long, long time.

  It is surprising how much dirt is in a four foot square that is only 18 inches tall. My muscles, unused to such labour, were very tender last night and this morning.

  It felt good to be outside all the same. 

  I was very careful to make sure enough water was being swallowed to compensate for the sweat equity put into my labors. Some glassfuls had added salt, others an organic mineral supplement to help quench my thirst. Both of these additives have been beneficial, even on non-sweaty days. Since processed, salt filled foods are off the menu, adding salt to my diet is absolutely necessary!

  The recommendation is 2.7-3.5 litres of water a day. Science backs this amount up. If you are tall or overweight or working in a hot garden, the number needs to be higher. On average, I've been consuming 4.3 L. When I first started the program, it was all I could do to get in the minimum but as my body has gotten used to it, drinking more isn't an issue. Coffee counts towards this total, so do soups and the like. It's just better if the majority of the fluid intake is good ole fashioned water.

  I am thankful to have a well that provides great water with none of the chemical additives needed for towns or cities. I am thankful to live in a country where there is enough so my tap never runs dry.

  There have been several non-scale victories (as Gina calls them) because of being so diligent about it. My skin feels better, my eyes aren't as dry, food cravings aka temptations are nearly non-existent. Although, I did have a craving for chips last night. Despite being careful to add in salt, my body was telling me I needed more. So I had 4. Not a make or break amount but that's all that was needed to take care of business. The craving vanished.

  This week we are being encouraged to listen to what our body is telling us: when it's full, when it wants more, and even listening to what it is telling us to eat for dinner! This time temptation is a test to do what is good and right. The menu for tonight is hamburgers sans buns but still dressed to the nines with lots of other goodies like avocado and ripe tomatoes. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!

  Food has never tasted so good. I want veggies like I've never wanted them before except peas. I still don't like them. Salad only requires a minimal amount of dressing, if any. Korean cabbage has become a mainstay. It's considerably milder in flavour and more tender than head cabbage. Asparagus picked at the side of the road has been a great addition to morning eggs. Collard greens are another new addition to the menu. I dry them in the oven and crumble them in with the eggs, too.

  So, here I am, at the beginning of week three, amazed that veggies tempt me. Amazed that 4 chips were all I wanted. Amazed that sweet treats hold zero appeal. 

  I really believe this is how God intended us to eat. Science is just catching on to His design plans. 

   

Sabotage

 "Just say a simple, "Yes, I will," or "No, I won't." Anything beyond this is from the evil one." Matthew 6:37

  It's already day 18 of the Gina Livy program. The time has flown past! There's been so much information to chew on already (pun intended). The next step is to examine some potential stumbling blocks that might hamper the forward momentum. 

  We've been asked to think about self-sabotage, the things we do or say that put up road blocks to success. I don't think this is really an issue for me at this point. The Lord has taken me on so many journeys already that patience is ingrained. Like my journey with the Lord, the program will provide next steps at the exact moment we are ready for the next steps. 

  I've never been the kind of person who skips to the last pages of a book to see how it ends.

  There is one sabotage idea among many Gina asked us to think about. In all her questions, this is the one that stood out for me.

 "Are you afraid losing weight will make you attractive to men?"

  Is that a yes I hear in my heart? 

  Although, there was an incident in my early 40's when I was thin, trim and fit from working in the paint department at a hardware store. Tossing paint cans and ten gallon pails around for eight hours was like a gym workout every day. Funny, how it comes to mind now.

  A man came in looking for my co-worker who wasn't there that day. He wasn't looking for paint. When I asked him if I could help him, he looked me up and down with utter contempt and said in a voice filled with disgust, "You're not the one I want. I want the other one." He stormed away. His friend looked at me with pity. Perhaps he was ashamed of his friend's rude behaviour.  

  I don't remember if he said anything to me. I only remember feeling like I'd been slapped in the face.

  I told my co-worker the next time we worked together what had happened and warned her to be careful of him, if he should turn up again. This brief interaction showed me exactly what type of person he was: the kind who doesn't care about the person in a woman's body. 

  Lord, how does this play into today? Have I used weight as a buffer against unwanted attentions?

  Oh...and there it is.

  I am afraid that being thin will be perceived as permission for men to be abusive. 

  Oh. Lord...there are far too many memories of this type of thing.

  I am sad, too, that this is the most prevalent lesson I learned about men from men.

  It would seem there's more healing needed. Maybe I can start by choosing to forgive the jerk. (Smile...sorry about the name calling but it was the most polite one I could think of.) Maybe I can be thankful for the friend who silently acknowledged what had happened was terribly wrong.

  Hear my prayer, oh Lord. I choose to forgive this man with no name. I also ask that you reveal other strongholds where this idea still festers. Help me find grace for the men who fed this lie through their harsh words and evil choices.

   Dear Jesus, don't let it destroy what I am trying to do. Be with me today as I find myself re-experiencing the pain that only someone who has been abused can understand. AMEN!

   

  

  

  

  

Fasting

   "And when you fast, don't make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, for they try to look miserable and disheveled so people will  admire them for their fasting. I tell you the truth, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair, and wash your face. Then no one will notice that you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in private. And your Father, who sees everything, will reward you. Matthew 6:16-18

  So, there's no extended fasting required in the Gina Livy program. Apparently, it's one of the worst things we can do to lose weight because it fools the body into thinking it needs to keep fat reserves for the lean times ahead. 

  Although, not having dessert is a kind of fast isn't it?

  As for looking disheveled and miserable, to be honest, I haven't felt so physically and mentally well since, well, ever. My energy levels are way above "normal." I am sleeping better. Each day is greeted with a level of excitement and anticipation totally unfamiliar to the way life has been up to this point.

  These are what Gina calls non-scale victories and are just as important as weight loss.

  About dessert...I don't want it. Yes, me, who has been an avid sweets connoisseur since I could crawl, does not want it!! It is utterly unappealing.

  That's another non-scale victory. I am hearing what my body wants or does not want. Yesterday it was sauerkraut and pickled beets...just writing about them makes me want more. There must be something in them that my body needs. Sauerkraut, since it's a fermented pickle, is actually very good for you. I have jars of homemade pickled beets in the pantry so it's a no brainer to use them instead of hanging on to them as a treat or for when company comes.

  Each day does incorporate a break from food. Nothing to eat after supper until break fast in the morning. I never realized the benefits. But then, because I was skipping meals and not drinking enough water the nighttime munchies were a little out of control.

  Fasting according to the body's natural rhythms has a slew of benefits. 

  I find the further along we go, the less I want bread or sugary goodies. Although, I do start the day with an egg wrap stuffed with vegies and other nutritious foods. Even those commercials for waffles with butter oozing and maple syrup pools holds zero attraction. It's like my body is thanking me for finally listening to it! 

  All it took for my body to become my willing partner in all this is to have the discipline to follow Gina's recommendations. She is simply guiding us into health through a program developed over thirty years of helping people.

  With all the beneficial changes that have happened only three weeks into the program, I am fully committed to see what wonderful things lay ahead. 

  And I give thanks to the Lord for leading us to this drastically different approach to healthy, not fast, weight loss. 

  

Seeds and Rocks

   "Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seeds. As he scattered them across his field, some seeds fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate them. Other seeds fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seeds sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. but the plants soon wilted under the hot sun, and since they didn't have deep roots, they quickly died." Matthew 13:3-5

  "Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock." Matthew 7:24

  We travelled to Ottawa this weekend to visit my friend's family. The area has been hit by terrible weather within a few months: tornadoes, an ice storm, and ferocious dericho winds. Trees by the thousands bear the scars. Trees by the thousands have snapped off or been torn up from the ground. Piles of brush and broken branches are everywhere as people begin to clear the devastation away. It's going to take a long time for the area to recover.

  Near one town we drove through, the hills looked like a great sweeping arm had brushed the land flat and everything that once stood tall and regal was left broken beyond repair. It was easy to tell which way the wind had come from because the tops of the flattened trees all pointed in the same direction.

  We went to their church yesterday. The teaching was on the parable of the seeds.

  As the pastor spoke, I got thinking about my trips to Algonquin park. I love the area and the bare granite which erupts from the earth. Pink and gray bluffs and cliffs hold up the sky. The lush forests dress them in ruffles and lace. Rounded, lichen covered outcroppings dip their toes in the many lakes and rivers in the area.

  The iconic image of Algonquin is a lone pine on the stony shore of a lake. It is bent and twisted by the weather. Ancient, yet small because of how hard it has to work to get the nutrients it needs to live. As the pastor spoke about the seeds that died in shallow soil, I remembered a hike along a cliff overlooking a lake filled valley.

  The pine trees closest to the abyss wrapped their roots around the rock, seeking miniscule cracks where grains of soil or scant moisture would collect. Like fingers, one tree's roots spread for dozens of feet, intertwined with the roots of another tree. Sometimes both would take advantage of a small crack in the granite, becoming one root as they worked their way into the stone.

  There wasn't much protection on the cliff. There wasn't much in the way of soil or water. Trees, barely my height, could be hundreds of years old. They created a natural bonsai forest. 

  It takes very special circumstances to get a tree to grow on granite. Why one seed survives to maturity and another doesn't is far more of a biology lesson than I want to share this morning. Let's just say it takes an interrelationship of specific events to create the perfect environment for a seed to sprout. It takes just as many for the seed to reach the place where it will be able to cast its own seeds into the wind.

  Some will get eaten by birds, others will sprout and shrivel under the sun. But the one that finds a capful of rich soil, who has the time for its roots to delve deep into the granite will persevere. Perhaps, in decades to come, another hiker will come along and marvel at the sight.

  I was deeply saddened by the damage I saw in Ottawa, how so many trees growing in rich soil were unable to survive such a terrible onslaught of weather events. It serves as a reminder to let the roots of my faith delve deep into the Rock of my salvation for the spiritual nutrition I need to thrive. 

  I will never need to fear the storms, ever again. AMEN!

 

  

  

  

  

  

  

Comfort Food

  "But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!" Matthew 6:23

  Day Nine of the Gina Livy program. We are encouraged to examine our relationship with food. At some point early yesterday afternoon, I obliged. And God spoke up with two words, "Self Harming." Out came the art supplies. 

  My job in the mental health field means I am all too familiar with the reasons people self harm. This is the term used when people cut themselves as one example. This behaviour isn't remotely related to being suicidal or attempting to take your own life. It is a coping mechanism. The reasons are many. Someone may be so disconnected from their emotions they need to feel something, anything. Others may be utterly overwhelmed by their emotions and need something, anything to distract them or help them feel in control.

  Everyone who self harms is in pain: emotional, physical and mental pain. By self harming, they find comfort. 

  But it's a double edged blade. Self harming comes with its own secret mountain of emotional issues primarily guilt and shame. On top of all the other struggles, it only leads to more self harming. It's a vicious cycle but with help, support and acceptance, it is possible to find healthier ways of coping.

  My double edged blade has been slathered with peanut butter. Which, praise God, I don't have to give up entirely because I really like peanut butter but now it's a source of protein instead of being used as a comfort food.

  In praying though this, I realized loneliness was never eased by eating a bag of cookies. A bag of chips didn't provide the loving physical touch I was starved for. Manners, like eating everything on the plate, never played a role in feeling accepted, only stuffed to the gills and ashamed for how much I'd devoured in a very short time. 

  Belly pain from overeating never took away the underlying emotional pain the Lord has been faithful in healing these last 19 years. He has brought me to this place where I am able to begin another journey. There's no should of, could of, done this a long time ago because, honestly, I couldn't have begun tackling the complexities of my relationship with food until now. God has provided everything so I am able to succeed in this new way of living. He even brought my friend and I a guide to show us the way!

.

  I have been deceived by the idea of "comfort food" because, when all is said and done, there has been very little comfort to be found through stuffing my face. I think a bowl of chicken soup is a comfort when you are sick but the comfort is found by giving the body what it needs to feel better.

  As a little aside, my meds have always caused carb and sugar cravings within an hour of taking them. This has been a huge contributing factor in the relentless weight gain of the last couple decades. So...it turns out all I was was thirsty. The meds cause dehydration as well as stress on the liver and kidneys. The body needs water to flush the system.

  Water, it turns out, is my new best friend. Sorry, peanut butter. Gina's food plan includes drinking adequate water to be hydrated. We need a minimum of 2.7-3.5 litres a day. My meds mean I need more than that. I am still tweaking the amount I need to drink while never dropping below the minimum. Yes, trips to the ladies' room are frequent in these early days on the program but we've been promised they will ease off.

  Pretty much every single food craving is the body crying out for liquid. This knowledge has been as life changing as making sure I get my 5000 mg of vitamin D every day without fail! 

  I am grateful to have found a program that addresses all the mental and physical reasons for being overweight. Address those, and the weight will come off naturally. How amazing is that!

  

  

Chocolate and the Bathroom Scale

 "Give us today the food we need." Mathew 6:11

    I am going to take advantage of the blog to journal the health improvement, weight loss journey, to use it to think about what needs thinking about. It's a big help for me to reiterate what I am learning by putting it into my own words. Which really isn't doing anything different than I've done all along. It's that this time it's about building a relationship with my body. We are encouraged to journal so here we are.

  Gina Livy (whose plan I am following) does a live video six mornings a week. Initially, I had some trouble listening because she talks extremely fast, loud and sometimes her language is rather colourful. The more I've listened, I've been able to let go of my Christian religiosity because what she is teaching us, her sincerity, and experience make listening well worth while.

  Point in case: God tapped me on the shoulder this morning and said, "You need to hear this." My ears perked up because in that very moment Gina said, "chocolate cravings can occur because of a magnesium deficiency."

  Dark chocolate is rich in the stuff.

  And, if I remember correctly, I'd missed my nightly dose the night before yesterday's all day chocolate cravings.

  So here I was, proudly acting all noble (aka. stubborn), determined to deny myself and stay the course when in reality my body was screaming at me, "I need magnesium NOW!" 

  (Smile. It's good to be able to laugh at my own foolishness.)

  For those of you who have been reading my posts a long time, you know how much I love a why answer. I didn't even know a question had been asked. That's when an answer is extra special!

  There's much more in todays video so I will listen to it again later. We've been asked a few times to think about our relationship with the BATHROOM SCALE, that terrifying, nasty, measure of just-how-fat-I-am, digital beast. (Smile.) Up to this point, it's only ever been a shame generator. Even when losing considerable weight during the renovations. Even though it stayed off, the scale gladly announced, "You're still fat!"

  Oh, dear.

  There is a way to tame this particular beast and defang the lifelong understanding of what the numbers mean. First of all, I give it to You, Lord and ask you to forgive me for giving a machine so much power over my life. We only know what we know until we know better. Thank You, Lord, for providing the opportunity for me to gain knowledge and understanding.

  Debunked myth #1: The rigid height/weight standards which have been around for years are not the ideal standards. There is no allowance for bone structure or muscles in these generalized calculations. So let's toss the "ideal weight for my height and age" out the window and discover what my wonderfully made body's happy place will be. This will take time so Lord, grant me patience.

  Debunked myth #2: The scale is the perfect way to measure weight. Maybe, if you are buying a pound of cold cuts, but not when it comes to humans. There are a thousand different reasons for weight to fluctuate. Gina frequently tells us the body will gain weight, even while doing her program, right before it loses because it's storing water to help with the shedding of fat reserves. (It doesn't want them either, by the way.) Salt intake, hormones, and a slew of other things can cause a spike. This does not mean your body has added to it's fat reserves  Isn't that the greatest news ever?

  The scale is a tool which will help me learn to be in touch with bodily rhythms. Shame has no place here. 

  Debunked myth #3: The scale is a measure of beauty. Isn't that what the world wants us to believe? Is this what I believe, too? 

  There needs to be more thought and prayer around this idea. It will take time to unravel the multitude of layers involved. I know I need to forgive a whack of people who consciously or unconsciously enforced this idea. So, Lord, please bring them to mind.

  Help me let go of the anger that has flared up after writing those last lines. In Jesus Name, AMEN!