Looking the Wrong Way

  “So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.” Romans 8:15

  This is a message I needed to hear this morning.

  Is a fearful slave the same as being a slave to fear?

 

  (A long pause.)

  Is that what I am?

 

  I ended up at the hospital last Wednesday. My heart has been doing a rather disconcerting, chest hammering, thumpity-thump-thump and my left arm was sore. It was unusual enough and persistent enough that it seemed wise to get it checked out. There were no signs of a heart attack and my blood work came back “pristine” to use the doctor’s words. But, my blood pressure is very high. I am waiting to hear from a local diagnostic centre to have an ultrasound done to my heart as well as getting hooked up to a Holtz monitor for a couple of days. It will keep track of my heartbeats to see if there is any irregularity.

  While waiting to be seen, I did some research into chronic anxiety relating to high blood pressure and heart disease. Not surprising but there is a connection.

 

  Today’s words that have come through loud and clear are “self doubt.”

  So let’s combat that nasty with a declaration.

  I can trust in the abilities God has blessed me with regarding all the renovation decisions, colour choices and design.

  I can trust the abilities of the contractor God led me to. I can trust the person who referred her to me.

  I can trust in the skills I have learned to do what I need to do. I can release the idea they all need to be accomplished NOW. I am not a professional. The tasks can take as much time as needed. In light of the blood pressure thing, slow and steady is the best way to go.

   I can take a break and rest as needed. (I’ve been struggling with fatigue, another symptom of high blood pressure. It’s also a sign of feeling overwhelmed by the chaos in the house.)

  The chaos is temporary.

  I can ask for help. And after I finish today’s post, I will do just that. I need to get some help moving the washer and dryer. I had thought to simply pull them out of the way so the new floors could be installed but they would still be in the way of painting unless they are taken out of the renovation zone entirely.

 

  All these recent events have made me feel distant from God. Worldly thoughts, decisions and self doubt have overpowered my faith. Fear has had my ear instead of the Holy Spirit. Thank You Lord, for providing the awareness that this is what is happening. When my eyes and heart are on You, there is no room for fear. Forgive me, Lord, for not reaching out to You yet again. Thank You for patiently pointing this out to me every time old, fear filled habits take over.

  And that’s the best declaration of all: I am not alone.