Deep Thinks by Susan L.

  I'm just going to let my brain cruise the Black River for a bit. There's some unhealthy ideas sailing around the ole gray matter. They can be called unGodly beliefs or "Stinking thinking". Really they are simply lies that have cemented themselves into my subconscious and have a way of corrupting my world view. So much so, they affect my behaviour and influence choices.
  This isn't going to be easy.
  The first concept that pops into my head is that people can't be trusted. Okay. Perhaps that has been historically accurate. But there's a promise in there, "No one will ever get close enough to hurt me ever again." The promise is based on a judgement that people in general are not trustworthy. Really, that's neither fair nor true. It's a case of bad apples spoiling the lot. (Lord, help me find a deeper forgiveness for those who have betrayed me.)
  Letting go of distrust, suspicion and downright fear is going to take a whole whack of God. It also means placing my trust in Him that He will place people into my life worthy of trust. My role is to be vulnerable and with the Holy Spirit's help, be discerning. The discerning part is terribly important! Yet, even in that, I have been relying on my own broken intuition, not God's guidance. (Forgive me, Abba.)
  Whenever I am in a group, I can literally feel the guard go up. The watching, the waiting, the sitting in a corner with my face to the door for safety. I can't pray in a group with my eyes closed. These are behaviours that can be changed. (Maybe I could close one eye to start.) Changed behaviour creates a changed mind. "Fake it 'til you make it!"
  It's also lonely being in this place. Making new friends while there's a war going on is hard. Common sense is fighting against the razor sharp, instinctual responses of watch, be careful, be prepared.
  Okay, "Be Prepared" is the motto of the Girl Guides, something that was a huge part of my life for many years. I am old enough to ask, "Be prepared for what?"
  Covering all the bases is exhausting! Funny that the idea of being prepared for a good time simply isn't there but heads straight for the natural disaster, the worst case scenario. Talk about a Chicken Little existence!
  It's an existence isn't it?
  Perhaps I am ready for life...
  Lord, I lift this up to You. Help me forgive not only others but myself as well. Help me change and grow. Help me walk a life in the safety and security of Your love. Help me receive that love and embrace all that it means. Without it, my life is sand.
  "I, wisdom, dwell with prudence, and find out knowledge and discretion. The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; Pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate. Counsel is mine, and sound wisdom; I am understanding, I have strength." Prov 8:12-14