"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you." Deuteronomy 31:18
It's earlier than I cared to be up this morning but my brain started racing before the alarm sounded. Not that going to work is on the agenda today. Pink eye has been added to the illness mix. It's in both eyes. I look like I have the world's worst hangover. It kind of feels that way, too.
In the midst of all the health challenges, I've been thinking a lot about my job and the emotional toll it has caused over the last couple of weeks. It's not what I signed up for. It's not what it was pre-covid.
On the way to the police station to deliver the dolls the other day, I drove through the downtown core. It's identical to a thousand million other small towns in North America. One of the visitors was standing on the sidewalk. It wasn't the nicest day to be outside but they don't have somewhere to go to be inside. It has been at the forefront of my thoughts since then: a postcard memory seared into the synapses of the mind.
Early in my Christian walk, I asked the Lord what lay in my future and until I drove past this person, it had completely slipped my mind. Jesus gave me a vision of a concrete world with noisy traffic and city smells. There was no green anywhere. It was an oppressive and hope swallowing place. It was both bitterly cold and tongue caking hot.
It left me feeling utterly devastated that God would ask me to go there when He knew how much I hate cities.
Fast forward eighteen years and here I am, in town, working in a concrete jungle that has gradually grown busier and busier over the years. It smells like a city with the perpetual aroma of car exhaust tainting the air. There is very little green except for a few straggling trees. Nevertheless, here I am doing exactly what the Lord had in store for me. Serving those who need it the most. And it comes with a paycheck.
As for the emotional cost? The day the people I serve no longer touch my heart is the day I need to quit.
No comments:
Post a Comment