"Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth! Grant me purity of heart, so that I may honour you." Psalm 86:11
Whatever bug has decided to take up residence in this ole body is preventing me from attending church this morning. It's the kind of morning I desperately needed to go, to worship, to pray, to draw near my Lord. Thankfully, I wasn't playing the flute this morning because the decision was made in December to take January off. God knew, didn't He?
The time off is doing double duty because it's an opportunity to get my flute serviced which takes about three weeks. It was starting to randomly squeak. Turns out, the keys need an alignment. They are also going to take a look at the tuning because it plays very sharp and I need to have the headpiece out almost an inch to get it in tune to the other musicians. There is a special cork in the headpiece that can be adjusted but that's better left to those who know what they are doing!
I keep circling back to the events of the past week, trying to wrap my head around everything: the actual events, the triggered memories, the emotional upwelling that comes with all of this. It's hard to not let it weigh me down too much because, as much as there is a boatload of ugly, I need to focus on Jesus' presence and acknowledge He was there. He always is.
He waits for us to turn our eyes on Him no matter where we are in life.
I wish I could share this with the person who was resurrected this week. I wish I could share of all the things God put in place to make this happen. I wish I could tell them how much they are loved, regardless of their life circumstances and situations.
Their shame is keeping them away.
Sadly, the seduction song of drugs means they will do it all over again and I have no idea if there will be someone there to save them. I ask this of You, Lord, save them as many times as it takes.
I would love for their testimony to be an amazing story of lost and found because you know something? All of us are lost in some form or another without Jesus. It's exactly where the devil wants us: floundering about in the shadowlands, blinded and in pain.
There are those in this world who make a profit from it. They make money because pain causes the need, the need causes pain which amplifies the need. It's a perpetually set fowler's snare.
One of my favorite books, a tale of rabbits called Watership Down, has a part where one of the rabbits gets caught by a snare. The others team up to help him escape. One of the group knew enough about the shining wire to dig out the peg that was buried deep in the ground. It's what held the wire tight. It took the biggest rabbits to dig and the smallest rabbits to go into the hole and chew the stake apart. Bigwig was freed once the taught wire was released.
I am left thinking that the peg is a metaphor for the untold stories, the secrets, the experiences leading to a need for mind numbing substances including alcohol.
There is always, always a peg.
Some of us are simply better at hiding it.
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