Need I Ask? by Susan L.

The idea of "permission" created an avalanche of understanding. Simply by living in this world with its laws and unwritten cultural rules we are blanketed with rights grudgingly given to us by a higher authority. The law makers, our bosses, teachers, parents, pastors, the list is endless. For example, as kids we even had to ask if it is okay to use the bathroom. How many times has that permission been denied? Yes there has to be boundaries for our own safety amd the safety of others or the world would be a far more dangerous place. We even seek permission to express our feelings. "Stiff upper lip" and all that nonsense forces us to deny our emotions. Societal restrictions bind us and condemn us to silence should we be too happy or boisterous, too angry, or we're taking too long to heal from a loss: a loved one, a marriage, a job, innocence, hope...That list, too, is endless. Someone once said to me at the very beginning of my recovery. "You're having way too much fun!" It was like having a bucket of ice water being poured over my head. Too much fun?! What?! I felt the weight of my inner pain settle on my shoulders and was swamped with exhaustion. I turned to them and said,"There are nights it is all I can do to crawl into bed with my clothes on. It is just too much to put my jammies on." I was trying to fool them and myself that things were better than they were. That question gave me unspoken permission to make a choice: come clean or continue hiding the reality of what was going on like I always had. I had come there for a reason risking my new-found understanding that I was worth loving . After this exchange I slowly opened up and began a journey through the hardest, darkest years of my life. So if I need permission to feel happy? That's okay. I give myself permission to accept that. ;) "Stand fast in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again by the yoke of bondage." Gal 5:1