Prayer by Susan L

    I am more at peace since Wednesday's blog/prayer. It's only after the fact that I remember just how liberating casting my cares upon the Lord can be. It helps, too, that a good friend sent an email full of wisdom and insight regarding my last few posts.
  She reminded me that I can get awfully hard on myself at times. Forgive me, Father.
  It isn't something I even realize is happening. It has a habit of slowly creeping into my life. It's a habit of old when self esteem was non-existent; when responsibility for others' bad behaviors was dumped squarely on my shoulders.
 God has forgiven me for accepting those burdens, even when I pick them up again because letting go is a process.  Nevertheless, this is a long time habit birthed when I was lost and floundering and trying to survive each day.
  Accepting blame is an automatic response when I am feeling inadequate or depressed. "There must be something wrong with me! I should..." I suppose the two feed off of each other. It's a viscous cycle.
  There was a great deal of shame and guilt woven around not having either the desire or ambition to put up my Christmas tree this year. The 'I shoulds" were awfully loud but when I walked into the living room this morning I was relieved I didn't have to put all that stuff away. God is good.
  There's questions that need asking. "Who am I trying to impress anyways? Does it matter what others think? If it does, why?"
  These are good questions. Lord, I seek Your answers because it is only You Who need matter. Help me get right with You. Amen.
  "But Jesus, knowing their thoughts, said, "Why do you think evil in your hearts? For which is easier, to say, "Your sins are forgiven you" or to say, "Arise and walk?"" Mat 9:4-5