Thursday, 23 October 2014

Something to Think About by Susan L.

  I want to celebrate being well. This is the first autumn in many years I haven't felt the niggling fingers of depression beginning to work their way under my skin. I don't know if it was the shortening days, the fact that there's many lousy anniversary dates or if it was simply dreading the oncoming winter. Or a combination of all of the above.
  Maybe it's because I am so busy right now there's no time to think, to remember. Could it be the late spring cleaning of the house is helping as well? Purging clutter is purging my soul of unwanted associations. Perhaps it is simply because of the passage of time, the rawness, the power of these memories has finally dissipated.
  The "why" really doesn't matter. All I know is it feels good to be well. Better, in fact, than I've ever felt before. It's funny but that is something that has been said many times along the journey of recovery. Each time wellness blesses me, it's better than ever. "Plateaus of Wellness" might be an apt description. Getting up the sides can be tough work, rife with difficulties but when that safe, flat space is reached....Halleluiah!
  All I know is my heart is filled with laughter, my soul is content, my mind is able to remember and just as quickly let go of the events related to my illness.
  And there's the added affirmation, once again, that I am in Good Hands. The Lord has provided by covering the expense incurred for the fireplace and TV. That deserves another Halleluiah!
  "But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)." Eph 2:4-5

Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Fireplaces by Susan L.

  I stopped into Canadian Tire to check out their electric fireplace/entertainment units. They have a great sale on this week. There was one that I really liked that was within the piggy bank funds. The box is huge and heavy. My one concern was how to get it into the house without another pair of hands. Then I realized I can open the box in the car and bring it in piece by piece.
  And so begins the waffling back and forth. Should I? Shouldn't I?
  When I had left my husband and was living in a basement room, the place I worked brought in some faux stained glass panels just before Christmas. They were absolutely stunning. As I pulled a long narrow piece from it's protective packaging, it revealed monarch butterflies against pale purple and pink flowers. Have you ever had something speak to you? The beautiful work represented hope and even though I had no home, no window to hang it in, I splurged and bought it; glad of the employee discount. It felt like a promise of better things to come.
  Then the guilt set in. Or should I say a mental war broke out. Maybe it's part of being a mom: everyone else's needs came first. That was only part of it. A co-worker was going though a difficult time and I was under the impression I was supposed to give the glass panel to her. (Isn't that what Christian's do?) Something didn't seem right. The thought of giving it away nearly broke my heart so I began to pray for confirmation about what was supposed to take place.
  It ended up being a huge leap in understanding and lie breaking. The truth was that it was okay for me to have nice things. And no, I wasn't to give the panel away.
  It hangs in my kitchen window, a daily affirmation of God's love.
  I think I'll pick up the fireplace today. Somehow there's a sense of urgency. Should the power go out this winter, I'll be able to plug it into my generator. Nice things can be practical too! Thank You, Lord, for Your provision.
  "Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting at the posts of my doors, for whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord." Prov 8:34-35

Monday, 20 October 2014

Getting There by Susan L.

  A good part of the weekend was spent getting rid of stuff, organizing other stuff, and tidying up. The place now only looks like a small bomb went off. I made boxes out of foam core board for all my binders and wrapped them in decorative paper. They look nice on the shelf now instead of a disarrayed chaos of colour that flopped around like binders always do.
  My creative writing efforts are in a couple of the boxes as well. I took the time read through some of my efforts before filing them away. It was a bit of a journey down memory lane although most of the writing wasn't dated, something I'll try and do in the future.
  It's nice, too, to be able to get things together for a donation trip to a local second hand store. I've decided to get rid of some things I had brought with me when leaving my ex. They don't fit with the d├ęcor and they are a bit of a trigger, stirring up associations I'd sooner leave behind.
  And books. My goodness, I have no idea why I have hung on to some of them! There was more than one sneeze fit as I pulled them off the shelf. (A sad comment to my housekeeping skills.) They were bagged for the store or to take to the centre where we have a book exchange table.
  The next job is tackling the computer area. An old laptop, and two towers have to be started up and purged. I want to make sure I have all the photos and creative writing off them before taking them to the recycler. Then I can get rid of the desk. The kitchen table serves me just fine for the laptop and  has a window to look out of. A much nicer writing environment!
  I am feeling somewhat anxious and overwhelmed by all that is still to be gone through. I need to remind myself it doesn't all need to be done today.
  "And he answered and said to Him, "Teacher, all these things I have kept from my youth. Then Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, "One thing you lack; Go your way, sell whatever you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, take up the cross, and follow Me." Mk 10:20-21