Convergence

  "Be strong and Courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

  Convergence is when two or more things come together to form a new whole. Nothing could else could define what has happened in the last week. I write today with the deepest gratitude possible, the kind that fills every fiber, every ounce, of my being. 

  First of all, a naturopath said my vitamin D levels were low. I was skeptical because I take quite a bit already, 4000 mg/day. My friend encouraged me to double the dose anyways. Lord, help me remember to do this when I find myself swallowed by the Black River. Within a couple of days, the shadows had started to lift. The increase in anxiety was causing some depression but when you are in the midst of it, the brain forgets the simple things.

  The increased D was started the day of the bracelet. 

  The bracelet: the tangible, sensory, touchstone of faith, has not been taken off since it was made. The words, "God is here. You are safe." have been my prayer no matter where the day leads. And it's led to new places.

  

  I was at a women's retreat for the weekend at MBC, the Muskoka Bible Camp. It's a campground/event locale in a beautiful part of northern Ontario. The red and gold finery of summer's end was everywhere. A couple of deer wandered around, comfortable in the presence of humans. They aren't something you get to see up close very often.

  My friend and I shared a room with two lovely ladies I had met when we went to Cuba last November for the wedding. It made it easier to decide to go. Besides, I really felt this was where the Lord wanted me to be.

  "God is here. You are safe."

  A small sketchbook went everywhere as well. It was another grounding tool when the noise and busy motion of a hundred and fifty ladies was overwhelming. It served another, higher purpose, too. It enabled me to pray without ceasing as the words of the worship or speaker or conversations ebbed and flowed. More importantly, it allowed me to listen to the Holy Spirit in the midst of it all.

  On Saturday during free time, my room mates went into town for some shopping. I opted not to go, feeling it might be too much on top of everything else. I also felt taking the time to prepare my heart for the scheduled meditative prayer session was crucial. This was where the Lord wanted me.  

  As I waited for the prayer time to start, the Lord had me draw a backpack followed by a signpost, the kind that clearly mark the directions when there is a fork in the road. One direction was the one of faith and joy and healing. The other was the path of fear, burdens, and a life of independent existence. The choice is obvious but something was holding me back. 

  "What am I afraid of?"

  It took a while before the answer came but when it did,..it was so sad to realize I was afraid to be happy. Postcard memories flooded into my mind of all the times when happiness was crushed, smothered or stolen. Happiness has always been a punishable offence. 

  Poor Cricket. We've felt this way most of our life.

  During the prayer session, as memories flooded in, I began the slow process of choosing to forgive the people who had played a part in the formation of this lie. It was a long list.

  "God is here. You are safe."

  And all things converged to this pivotal moment in time.

  Do I believe these words? Or don't I?

  The final drawing of the day flowed from my pen: a celebration of release, surrender, and hope.

  Cricket? God is here and you are safe. And even if we don't know where the road or the season will take us, this is where you, we, I belong.