Out of Hiding

 "Can anyone hide from Me in a secret place? Am I not everywhere in all the heavens and earth?" says the Lord. Jeremiah 23:24

  I have a confession. No sense in hiding it. I am angry.  

  A friend shared a poem she had written. I am deeply honoured whenever she is willing to share her heart with me. More often than not, her words speak the truth of my own heart. We are kindred spirits in many ways.

  In the poem, she talked about her infant self, lying in a crib. The bars were a prison where she lay, forgotten and cast off. 

  Both of us are children of adoption. We have often talked about the impact it has had on us even though we were mere infants. Being adopted has a cost to the adoptee, even if the home is a loving one.

  I am angry for the abuse she suffered from her adoptive family. It was horrific beyond imagining. 

  I am angry because we, she and I, were both chosen by a family wanting a child.

  Only to be raised as though we were never worthy of that choice. 

  It's a debtor's prison with no way of earning enough to ever break free.

  I am angry because it has taken so long to finally see the bars of my own cage. Yet I am still being asked to step back inside. 

  It goes by many names, this re-entry...being the bigger person, being forgiving, being the stronger one...duty...responsibility...

  I simply can't do it any more. The cost is too high.

  And I am angry because I feel so crappy about not jumping back into the cage.

  Because I don't know how to live outside.

  

  I am angry because my friend is dying.

  Lord, show me how to live. Create in me a new mind. In Jesus Name I pray. AMEN!