Deception

   "In my distress I called to the Lord, and He answered me. Deliver me, O Lord, from lying lips, from a deceitful tongue." Psalm 120:1-2

  If I am to embrace truth and honesty as core values, it means I must let go of lying. You see, the lying lips and deceitful tongue have been my own. 

  I've been lying to myself for a long time, convinced it was the right thing to do. It's what kept me small.

  There's a long list of self-deceptions disguised as "doing the right thing." 

  There's an even longer one disguised as humility.

  It's why confusion ruled. Truth has been at war with untruth. And as long as I believe the lies told to me either by someone else or by my own admission and acceptance, the cage exists.

 Justification is a slippery slope. Lies are easily justified when they come disguised as normal, the way things are, the way it needs to be, the way it is expected to be. 

 And as long as I play by the rules passed down by the generations before me, the grand deception continues.

  I am tired of living in the swirling turmoil of lies disguised by words like duty, obligation, compliancy, gratitude, submission, obedience, and loyalty. These are good qualities when God is involved but when the father of lies twists them into chains, they are punishing and cruel. These shackles are tightened even further by guilt and shame and politeness.

  Perversely, it feel disloyal to embrace the truth! But who am I being disloyal to?

  I've been thoroughly conditioned, enough so that I picked up the lies and carried on conditioning myself to only think of myself through a lens of dishonesty. Truthfully, it was the only lens I knew.

  Now, that's not necessarily true...smile...it's the only lens I looked through. Even though the Lord has been holding a new one up to my eye for a long time, now. 

  I guess I though I didn't deserve it. I'm sorry, my Lord. 

  Three days ago, I cried out to the Lord that I had no idea how to live outside the cage. There is a great deal of thinking to be done about what life on the outside means. Creating a piece of art might help to explore this new territory of finally being at home in my own skin. 

  Cricket is giggling in the background, "It's about time!" And she does a little, joyful spin.

  Forgive me, Lord, for the lies, for thinking You have been lying to me. Thank You for showing me the error of my ways. Thank You for the courage to look, not only in the mirror, but into Your heart.