The devil's eye

 

  “How precious is Your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of Your wings. You feed them from the abundance of Your own house, letting them drink from Your river of delights. For You are the fountain of life, the light by which we see.” Ps 36:7-9

 

  “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus, the light of His wonderful face.” Hymn

 

  “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” Ps 23

 

  I will fear no evil.

  I won’t.

  There is nothing the Lord cannot redeem. There is nothing He cannot heal. No evil can stand before His holy righteousness. The Lord scatters evil on the wind as easily as we blow the seeds off a dandelion.

  No evil can live when the Breath of Life suffocates it; when we keep our eyes upon Jesus.

  There is great evil in this world. Gentle soul that I am, I have a hard time understanding why people hurt someone else in ways that far exceed the darkest imaginings this ole gal is capable of. I’ve had my share of darkness but my heart breaks for those who have looked the devil in the eye over and over again.

  There isn’t going to be a painting today. I sat down to type, thinking I needed to explore yesterday’s epiphany about broken trust; about how it is at the core of every traumatic memory/event I’ve ever experienced.

  Is this other’s truth? Does this ring true in your story? Is this a universal human experience? Is this the bond of mutual experience that binds my life with the lives other abused women?

  We are a collective of God’s children who knows, up close and personal, what it is to be betrayed.

  A child whose only safe person is their teddy bear knows it well.

  Before I went to bed, I caught myself making sure the pantry barn-style door was closed. It’s been part of my pre-bed routine since it was installed. Logically, it wouldn’t hurt to leave it open. Cricket says it has to be closed. (Smile.)

  So I close it for her without judgment, without chastising her for such foolishness, without shame. I now understand the sense of betrayal that exploded into my little heart the night the monster came out of the closet.

  Mom and dad didn’t keep me safe. They weren’t there the first time I remember looking the devil in the eye. (Adult me doesn’t blame them. I left my own children with baby sitters, too, for a rare night out.)

  Not being believed about the monster betrayed my need for comfort and assurance. They didn’t want to keep me safe. (Oh. That sentence was a surprise.)

  Believing my senses had betrayed me had a devastating impact. It’s why I doubted seeing the devil’s eye in others who betrayed me in terrible ways. It’s why I was so vulnerable to future abuse.

  So no. I wasn’t stupid or naïve. Since my senses were not to be trusted, how was I supposed to believe them at all? Ever.

  Get thee behind me, satan.

  My ability to discern the evil intentions of others was shot to crap. My ability to see the evil in others followed closely behind. It was a set-up to drive me as far from Jesus Loves Me This I Know as possible.

  This is the sole purpose of evil. It serves no other master except itself.

  I serve God, the healer, the redeemer, the teacher, the listener, and the faithful.

  I serve God, the restorer, the refiner and finisher. 

  I serve God, the author of my faith.

  I serve God, the trust worthy, the gentle, the forgiving, the loving and awesome Most High.

  The devil made me do it.  Hah! I can finally trust myself to discern when evil uses the only weapon in its arsenal; the one Jesus knows so well, the one called betrayal.

  I will try and leave the judgment to God.