Gaslighting Ignites Fury

 

  “The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart.” Ps 51:17

   God’s timing is perfect. Always. God will use all things to His glory, even social media. 

  The term, “gaslighting” originated in a 1938 play by Patrick Hamilton called, “Gas Light,” which was made into a movie in 1944. That’s how the term gained exposure although it’s not one I was familiar with until reading the post above.

  I have been on the receiving end of every single one of these abusive tactics. Seeing this appear on FB, identifying what Gaslighting is, I shared it with the sad realization I am not alone.

  My ex never hit me. He didn’t need to. See? He was a good man!

  Not. There’s something terribly sad that this single quality was my only understanding of what defines excellence.

  The arsenal of gaslighting is why I was unable to see my ex for who he was. It’s why it took so long to see the truth. By the time he had finished grooming me into submission, the self doubt and confusion fostered over the course of twenty years lasted a long, long time.

  I keep hearing stories from women who went to the police to press charges. How they were treated, how they were gaslighted by the officers makes me absolutely furious.

  A pastor did it to me, once, when I turned to him for help, in crises and reeling from information about my ex coming into the light. “It’s good to see you’re not angry at him,” he gaslighted. It took a long time to recover from the damage this pastor caused. His words left a swathe of confusion and self blame around my very valid emotional state. These terrible words denied my right to feel the way I felt.

  It could have been my ex I’d been talking to.

  Women don’t need to make anything up. That’s the hard, cruel truth.

  I don’t need to see an avalanche to know the dirt and boulders blocking the road were put there by one. I know the puddles left in my driveway are there because it rained, even if I didn’t see the drops falling. I have come along side woman who share my challenges with PTSD and know it’s because some awful, terrible and unimaginable things happened to them.

  Gaslighting is an effective weapon whose sole purpose is to subdue and discredit victims. Heck, I didn’t even know I was abused until a few years after leaving the marriage. God’s timing brought a small pamphlet my way so I could begin to see the truth. My therapist used stick figures.

  It’s why I continued to defend my ex for so long. The sick and twisted SOB that he is was buried by my ingrained inability to discern what was true or what wasn’t. He made sure of it so he could keep on trucking. He made sure I was very good at making allowances for his horrible behaviour; allowances that gave tacit permission for it to continue, unabated.

  I have much to repent of: for not standing up to him, for failing to protect my children from his poison. I don't find any comfort to realize, at the time, a gas light made me a moth hypnotized by a flame.

  I can’t begin to tell you how important this recent information is in validating all God has shown me over the last several years. It has eradicated the seeds of doubt entrenched in my understanding. It’s stopped the second guessing and self blaming triggered by memoires of this long, hard season. It’s exposed the ingrained lessons that were still shaping unhealthy relationships.

  Gaslighting is a brainwashing weapon. It’s the foundation for Stockholm Syndrome where the abused, the trapped, the prisoners end up “loving” their abuser to the point they continue to have them in their lives. Maybe part of it is because of what role they fulfill in our lives. We continue to hope they will be true to their calling as spouse, mother, father, sibling, friend…they won’t. Not if they are gaslighters.

  The worst of it is the crumbs of kindness that get tossed on the floor for us to eat. A crumb of kindness is a feast for those starved for affection and validation. It allows us to believe the one who is crumb tossing is truly the person we imagine them to be. And maybe, just maybe, we hope things are going to change.

  They aren’t. It is merely the start of yet another cycle of abuse and manipulation.

  Knowledge is power. I hope in sharing this with you, dear readers, you can take your life back.

  God never meant for Scriptures to be used as prison bars. Honour your father and mother and obeying your husband should never, ever be used as a weapon of control.

  If you are in a relationship with a gaslighter, run, leave, flee for your life. Throw yourself into the arms of Jesus.

  Leave the reconciliation to God. Leave the fixing to God. Leave the people who will fill your vacancy to God. Pray for the SOB's who use these evil tactics and for others held hostage by them.

  The only way to extinguish a gas light is with the wind of your departure.