180 Degrees

 “Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children. Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ.” Ephesians 5:1

  Immediately after finishing yesterday’s post, an incredible, thought provoking, grace filled and life changing thought exploded into my head.

  “Love is not an intellectual exercise—God gave us His Holy Spirit, not holy reason.”

  It has brought a release of all the angst and confusion that surrounded the greatest challenge I have faced: understanding love. I have forgiven the well meaning person who had assigned me the task of reading all the passages about love until I “got it.” This was the root of intellectualizing the fourth most precious thing we have in our lives. (God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit come first.)

  Love isn’t logical. The love of Jesus even less so!

  On the heels of this breakthrough came the realization I have a hard time being able to love. It’s understandable really but it is still a sin, this withholding of love because I am afraid to go there.

  But as my friend pointed out to me last night I go there anyways. I’d never thought about how much love is involved in being a servant, in doing for others. I just thought it was the nice thing to do when in reality serving others is pouring love over them. No thinking required. (Smile.)

  You see, love doesn’t belong to me. It isn’t my love that is being invested in someone else because on my own, I admit I don’t love very well.

  This is my response to 1 Corinthians 13:5…

  Sometimes patience is usurped by temper and frustration. Sometimes I find myself resenting the wealth and relationships others have. I freely admit to bragging. Ah, yes, pride is the author of all my fears about love. I can’t write down some of the comments I’ve said to a driver who doesn’t obey the yield sign…rude to the nth degree. At the same time, I am not so good at obeying the rules of the road either. Yes, I get cranky and impatient and all in a huff if someone does any of these things to me. I can carry a grudge. Sometimes I rejoice when another person pays the consequences for their actions.

  And yes, I give up when it comes to loving others who, for whatever reason, make this hard to do. I lose faith in their ability to change although hope is often in the background because grace is a manifestation of love. (But who am I to decide what needs changing in the first place?) Even so, I have known the grace God has poured over me in spite of everything I feel and do. I have no right to deny anyone such a gift.

  In spite of such a poor record, the love of God endures through every circumstance because I am not the author of such love, I am the bearer. So I have decided to make a fresh start in my interactions with others by asking a simple question, “God, how would You love them?”

  On a personal note, I had a meeting with the cardiologist to get the results of last week’s tests. He told me I have PVC, Premature Ventricular Contractions. It’s an extra beat in the lower part of my heart that causes the upper part to thump afterwards. It can be caused by stress, thyroid issues or hormones. Even though this is considered a normal behaviour for the heart, he has me doing a bunch of other tests to try and figure out the root cause or if there are any underlying issues to be concerned about.

  I am thankful he is being so thorough because if this ole heart of mine is what keeps me able to share God’s love, it needs to keep working for a long, long time. AMEN!