The picture is part of a collage I did yesterday about how anxiety feels. I find it helpful to put images to the feelings. It helps to contain the emotions. The shark is from a home décor magazine. It was meant to sell paint but it really struck a note with me.
It was pretty bad. Scary bad as I told H.
Then last night the switch was turned off or more like it was turned down to the familiar, constant companion. Turns out hormones were a huge contributing factor. My body was running through a cycle that I thought was done with last winter. I guess not. Lord, let this be the last. Hormones I learned, thanks to reading an article sent by my good friend H, can amplify emotions. And they were amplified through the roof. Hormones or no hormones when you are in the midst of it, it can be paralyzing and frightening.
My body is starting to wind down from panic mode. It'll take some time for it to remember how to relax.
One of the things I uncovered while speaking with the young man was that locking my door at night didn't make me feel safe. It's something I hope to explore further. It's pretty significant.
He tried to direct the conversation a couple of times by pointing out my negative thinking and suggesting I reframe those ideas. (I pray he learns the best counsellors sometimes only need to listen. I also pray that he learns he doesn't have to fix anything.) It made me smile.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, where you do that, has always felt like a band aid to me. It may work for others but I want to get to the root of why I think the way I do. Knowing from past experience, by taking the time to explore, it then becomes a heart change not just a head change. Negative core beliefs don't stand a chance when they are held up to the Light.
Thank You, Lord, for opening doors for me. Thank You, for Your divine guidance in all that I pursue.
"It shall come to pass that before they call, I will answer; and while they are still speaking, I will hear." Is 65:24
Susan, try not to be too hard on the fellow. He has no idea if he would ever see you again and probably tried to plant a few seeds. And to be fair, a lot of our fears come from our habits, bad habits. Bad tapes that replay and replay. We are told to "renew our minds" (Rom. 12:1,2), which means getting rid of stinkin' thinking and create a new mind to match our new lives. So glad to hear you are being good to yourself!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't trying to be hard on him. They were simply observations. I found his attempts to steer this old battle axe rather endearing. He was trying to do the best he could with the tools he has. In all fairness to him, I don't think he truly understood what a bad place I was in because of my own reluctance to share. (New person plus male equals caution.)
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