I've been left feeling rather sad about the whole anxiety situation of the past week. The panic attacks caused my mind to stir up memories of the first time I was hospitalized. Even though it was eight years ago come Halloween, it is still as fresh in my mind as if it was yesterday. Traumatic events can do that. Triggers have the ability to compress the clock. What's the song? Let's Do The Time Warp, Yeah...
There's been a lot of healing in those years, praise God. Still, I am broken mentally even if hormones played a dastardly role. The seeds of anxiety were there to be amplified.
The idea of safety has been drifting around my mind. What does that mean exactly? Feeling safe? It's a hard one especially when one of the biggest threats to security is inside my head and now my body has jumped onto the rebellion band wagon.
There's a lot of grief in those words because I did not choose to be like this. In a way that's the hardest part of all to come to terms with...but then, trying to shut emotions down takes a phenomenal amount of energy that simply isn't there anymore. And there are good emotions in there too. Shut down is an all or nothing endeavour. So it's best to get on as best I can by leaning into the Lord more than I have been.
I think I mentioned about avoidance in a previous blog. Even though most of what I do feels "risky" or "unsafe", isolation is not the answer. Yes, I cancelled all extra curricular activities this week because my over stimulated adrenalin system needs some time to recover as does my mind. It does make venturing out more difficult but I am determined to not let the anxiety take the good things in my life away.
Selah.
"For you have been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings." Ps 61:3-4
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
The Robes
"Coming up behind Jesus, she (the woman who had bled for 12 years) touched the fringe of His robe." Luke 9:44 And she was heal...
I'd like to share one of my favorite verses. I embraced it about 2 years ago and now it comes to mind often, whenever I am afraid.
ReplyDelete"When I am afraid I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" Ps. 56:3-4
This verse tells me Who to trust, where I can get reinforcement (His Word), and a choice - I WILL NOT fear. Ultimately it says with God on our side, what can man do to me? I find this verse so comforting.
Another verse I read when I am afraid of others is: "The fear of man is a snare, but the one who trusts in the Lord is protected." Prov. 29:25
It is hard to rest sometime - but I try to remember that the One who spoke worlds into existence can speak peace to my heart. Blessings.
I hope these verses bless you as they have me.
I will add them to Psalm 91, another great encourager.
Delete"I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; My God in Him I will trust."