Knowledge is a Good Thing

“I, Wisdom, live together with good judgment.  I know where to discover knowledge and discernment.” Proverbs 8:12

  We have Google. Although sometimes it’s hard to ask the right questions to find the answers we are looking for.

  So I did a bit of research about the medication I am attempting to wean myself off. Even a small reduction has left me feeling chronically anxious. It is my hope that this will ease off over the next few weeks but in the meantime, it’s unpleasant to say the least.

  I have weighed up the physical cost of chronic anxiety versus the long term detrimental impact the drug has. I thought myself more than willing to risk those from the drug because it is successful in keeping the worst of the anxiety away but this recent search has me rethinking my original stance.

  There are more side effects than I thought. More than anyone has ever told me or was even revealed through previous searches online. When I looked it up a couple of days ago through Google I was shocked but will leave some room for the thought that some of the side effects weren’t known until recently. I’ve been taking this med for a long time. It has been a while since I did any research in this direction.

  Apparently, the medication can cause neurological damage that may lead to loss of control of physical movement. This causes the body to exhibit random behaviors ranging from grimacing facial expressions to flailing limbs and everything in between. It may or may not be reversible should these symptoms develop.

  This is way more serious than simply being hard on the liver and kidneys. I admit I may have ignored some of the other side effects by turning a blind eye because I was (am?) reluctant to face life without this aid. It is a terrifying prospect.

  So wisdom decrees the need to eliminate this medication despite how I feel emotionally, despite the daily challenges caused by an increase in anxiety.

  Wisdom decrees a deeper need to lean on the Lord throughout this difficult process, to trust in Him that I will be able to cope. Or maybe I need to believe that I can more than cope, I can thrive without the drug.

  To clarify for any of my readers, I am a person living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This means my fight/flight natural responses are constantly on overdrive. Even when I know, intellectually, I am safe the primal responses of my adrenal system have me constantly ready to RUN! The off switch has been broken.

  Hmmm…I wonder if there is a PTSD support group in the area I could attend to help me though this transition?

  It would appear Google will come to my aid once again.

  Thank You, Lord, for pointing this option out to me. Once again, my beloved Shepherd has guided me. AMEN!

He Makes Me Lie Down

  “Who do people say the Son of Man is?” Mathew 16:13

  The question, “Who do we say Jesus is to us?” was posed during home church (one of the questions from the study notes which are available at www.themeetinghouse.com .

  Simon Peter’s response was, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” V.16

  My response was a bit different but that’s okay. Jesus is many things. He identifies himself as many things. Among the long list are bridegroom, brother, Son, shepherd, teacher, friend, Savior, and yes, the Messiah.

  I have slowly come to realize my greatest connection with Jesus is through the idea He is the “gate for the sheep.” John 10:7

  For a long time I have struggled with embracing my Lord under most of the other identifiers, especially those that are seem more relational such as him being my Bridegroom. That may change, but I realized on Wednesday night, it isn’t as big an issue as I thought. You see, I was comparing how I viewed my relationship with Jesus with how others do and judging my viewpoint as inadequate, “un-Christian”.

  But that’s the wonderful thing about Jesus. He is many things so we can meet Him where we are at.

  So what does this gateway look like for me?

  I have a greater connection with my Abba Father because of Jesus, because of my deep gratitude for all He did so this is possible.

  And I can relate to Jesus as a gatekeeper on so many levels because I was a shepherd who opened gates for my sheep to head out to pasture. There were different gates for different seasons because it was necessary to allow the grass to mature in order to sustain the flock throughout the summer months. The spring pasture would then be closed off until it was long enough to allow the flock to return.

  I learned very quickly to step aside once the gate was opened, my purpose fulfilled. Although, it was an ideal time to inspect the sheep for any sign of illness or lameness as they raced past, eager for the grass after being locked in the barn overnight to protect them from predators.

  My sheep would race back to the barn when I called them in for the night, no matter where they were on the 100 acre property. A bit of sweet grain served as a reward.

  So I have realized I have leaned on Jesus as my Shepherd since I became a follower. It is relational. It has its foundation in trust. I have slept at His feet when the nights were long. I have called to Him in times of distress. I have trusted Him to lead me to green pastures.

  I have also come to understand who Jesus is by investigating who He is according to the other identifiers He uses. They simply don't put the joy and fire in my heart for Him as much as knowing He is my Shepherd. 

  

On the Light Side

  "Getting wisdom is the wisest thing you can do!" Proverbs 4:7

  Solomon has made me chuckle at this little gem. It serves to remind me that opening my Bible doesn't have to be so darn serious all the time. There's room for a little levity. Besides, a laugh often drives a lesson home. Especially when it is at my own expense!
  While Solomon comes down hard on foolishness or being a fool in many of his other words to the wise, I have to think about what Jesus meant by coming before the Lord as a little child.
  Age seems to drive out the ability to laugh freely and take joy in the moment. Is laughter an expression of creativity? Of whimsy? Of imagination? Of breaking free of the solemnity that seems to be the universal rule of conduct for adulthood?
  When did laughter become inappropriate?
  Or maybe it's just me who finds that laughter is a rare event. Hmmm...when did I come to believe that laughter was inappropriate?
  Maybe, somewhere along the line, I have forgotten how to have fun. Although laughter isn't necessarily a barometer of enjoyment.
  But here's the thing, our ability to laugh comes from God.
  As Adam named the animals, he must have laughed with sheer delight at the ingenuity of our Creator. He must have laughed at some of the strange and wonderful beasts the Lord brought before him. Then there's puppies.Who can't help but laugh at puppies! (Or if you are a cat person, kittens.) I bet Adam laughed over some of the names he doled out as well especially as names began to run out so he was left scrabbling for some sort of identifier.
  Were sheep named because Adam looked at them and had no idea what to name these clouds with legs on them so in frustration he said, "Sheeeeesh!"
  I bet God laughed with him, delighting in Adam's delight.
 
  Lord, I have to thank You for taking me in this direction today. Yesterday was a tough day with the anxiety running full throttle. Starting today with a smile and a burst of imagination silliness has brought some fun into my life. You always know what I need. AMEN!
 

Christmas in Easter Tide

  “Giving gifts can open doors; it gives access to important people!” Proverbs 18:16

  I am sure I’ve read this Proverb before but this morning it leaped off the page because Jesus came along and redefined who important people are! Jesus came along and redefined the idea of status, of social standing, of hierarchy. Jesus came along and taught us that humility is the gateway to success.

  A while back, there was a teaching series at church about women. In Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, he said that women should wear a head covering while praying or prophesying. I learned why. Head covering was a sign of status in Jewish society. (1 Corinthians 11:6) If all women wore head coverings, it was the equalizer for all followers of Jesus. It meant that no one at the gathering would know their place in society because it didn’t matter!

  Paul asked the wealthy to humble themselves and the prostitutes to embrace the idea they were just as valuable to God.

 

  The Christmas Carol, The Little Drummer Boy has come to mind. He had no gift to bring except to play his drum. He came before the infant Jesus in the company of kings.

  Pa-rum-pa-pa-pum.

  So this song will be stuck in my head all day now. (Smile.)

 

  Giving gifts with no thought on the rewards for giving is at the core of our Lord’s heart. God gave us life, knowing Adam and Eve would turn away from Him. But He had a plan. God gave us His Son, knowing He would die. The Son died, knowing not all would follow Him. But He still laid down His life for us so we might live in the fullness of being a child of God.

  That means marching to the beat of a different drum.

  My global family, please join me in a prayer for the Christians in India who are being persecuted for their faith. May God be with them May He comfort them in their trials, during their imprisonment and even in death should it come to that. Be with the families of those who are being persecuted. Keep them safe. Clear the path for these brothers and sisters in Christ to flee if this is what becomes necessary. Give them the means to do so. In Jesus' name. AMEN!

In a Better Place

  “Lazy people want much but get little, but those who work hard will prosper.” Proverbs 13:4

  Slowly, slowly I am making headway to make things easier once the renos begin. Although the ensuing chaos doesn’t make it look like I have. There are bags for the dump, boxes for donations, a bag of worn towels to be taken to the local vet and a pile of stuff that can be burned. My art corner has been completely cleared out. The drafting table is moved into the spare room as well as the cabinet I where art supplies are stored except for some commonly used materials. They are in a laptop bag that serves as a briefcase for such things. Just in case the urge to draw moves in.

  It was a successful weekend.

  I did need more boxes. It was one of the little pieces that added to feeling overwhelmed; having to hunt some down by going to various stores. It always makes me smile once I am reminded that God has all things well under control.

  Yesterday was my final trip to the Oakville Symphony. I won’t be purchasing tickets for next year’s season although I have enjoyed it immensely. My mom and I went early to have a leisurely lunch. Right beside the parking lot, waiting for Monday’s recycling pick-up, were two huge bags of un-broken-down liquor store boxes! They are the best size, and sturdy. I grabbed a half dozen or so. My mom had already given me a half dozen boxes she had scrounged so, voila! Enough boxes for my needs.

  Sometimes prosperity comes with no work at all! God (and Moms) are the best!

  I think I need to tattoo “God’s Got This!” on my forehead so every time I look in the mirror, I am reminded He has everything well under control.

   If there aren’t enough boxes, I seriously need to do some purging. (Smile.)

 

  Today the sun is shining! It makes such a difference. A sunny day yesterday dispelled the depression that moved in a few days ago much to my relief. There’s warmth in it that has been a long time coming this spring. Once the dew dries, there is outside work that needs tending to. The weather isn’t supposed to hold with even more rain moving in for the remainder of the week.

  I was amazed during the drive down to Oakville at how wet things are. There were places the water covered the road. Farmer’s fields are the playground of ducks and geese. Creeks, streams and the ditches at the side of the road are swollen with water because there’s been so much rain this spring.

  The objective for the day is to mow the grass and clean out the pond. Not my favorite job but once it’s up and running, it is such a delight that it’s worth coping with some stinky, stagnant, leafy decaying smells.

  Tomorrow, I have to call my mechanic. The snow tires can come off the car. The summer tires can go on. Yay!

Pep Talk

  “Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord!’” Ezekiel 37:4

  I admit to feeling rather depressed yesterday. It took a huge effort to even accomplish the smallest things around the house although I did sort through a couple of the kitchen cabinets. It happens. I’ve also been feeling overwhelmed by everything and anxious. The increased anxiety could simply be because of the med reduction but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with. All I can hope for is that my system will gradually get used to the lower dose and balance itself out. So, Lord, can You make this adjustment happen sooner rather than later? Please, please, please!

  It stinks, being like this especially when there is no apparent reason. It sucks the joy out of planning for what the house will look like when it is done. Heck, anxiety sucks the joy out of life all together leaving dry bones in its wake.

  Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself this morning. Or maybe it’s more than that. There’s frustration, too, and a sense of powerlessness, helplessness before such a foe. It’s exhausting. It impacts my sleep which leaves me even more tired and more susceptible to being anxious.

  So, the reality is: I live with an anxiety disorder. The part of my body that regulates adrenaline is broken. Perhaps I should cut myself some slack.

  Anxiety isn’t always a bad thing either. It’s a catalyst that can guide me into making healthy choices and healthy changes in how I live. That is if I can shake off the paralysis that is such a part of being overwhelmed by it. And I do. Or I would never leave the house. I wouldn’t have been able to clear out two cupboards yesterday.

  So instead of feeling sorry for myself, I can be grateful that something got checked off the to-do list in spite of how I was feeling. I can be thankful the Lord gave me the strength to overcome the inner storm for a while.

  I have also just realized the anxiety is one of the things that hampers me from asking for help. When the hard days roll in, when something as simple as getting out of bed takes such a huge physical toll, I simply don't have the energy to reach outside myself. This is one thing I can change but for now, all I can do is give myself a shake and keep on moving forward. Today is a new day with its own challenges. Yesterday is done. 

  I will take a lesson from Ezekiel and speak a prophetic word over the day: “This is going to be a good day!” AMEN!

A Bit on the Academic Side

  “And I (God) will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.” Ezekiel 36:26-27

  I have to think that God, in talking to His people through the prophet Ezekiel, would use language they would understand. Their lives were lived under the Law. Keeping the Ten Commandments would have been their standard of faith. They wouldn’t have understood how God could get rid of the Law that was such a fundamental part of their lives. They would have understood the concept of obeying God.

  It was a very different world.

  But I am gifted with knowing the future for all God’s people. There’s nothing mysterious about this gift. I have everything written down in black and white on the pages of my Bible. I am gifted with knowing that Jesus didn’t come to abolish the law but to fulfill it.

  “Don’t misunderstand why I (Jesus) have come. I did not come to abolish the law of Moses or the writings of the prophets. No, I came to accomplish their purpose.” Mathew 5:15

  So I’ve read that particular phrase a number of times. What does it mean?

  I think God’s chosen people found it was impossible to live by all the rules without breaking any. That’s why they had animal sacrifice to atone for their sin. In a way, God set them up for failure because He would send His Son to show them a better way. The Old Testament is full of signposts pointing to the coming of Jesus.

  This passage in Ezekiel is one of them. Again, hindsight gives me the ability to see it!

  Had I lived in those days, would I have recognized Jesus as the Messiah? Or would I have been someone in the crowd crying, “Crucify Him!”

  I would have only known what the men in my life would have taught me.

  But Jesus changed that rule as well the moment He allowed Mary (in the Lazarus story) to sit at His feet and learn.

  I have to admit, reading this passage without knowing Jesus would make God appear to be a God of decrees and rules to live by. He would appear to be distant and judgmental.

  But here’s the crux of this meandering exploration…Jesus came because our God is a God of relationship. He always has been! He walked with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden before the fall. It’s why He involved Moses in freeing His people from Egypt. It’s why He involved Ezekiel in calling the dry bones to life.   

  Yet, He is grace filled enough to meet us where we are at.

  It’s why He appointed Kings over the Jews: because they asked Him to!

  So how does this concept apply today?

  He has kept His promise, found in the prophetic words given to Ezekiel so long ago, through the life and death of His Son. And that promise is meant for everyone.