The art called. An image of an iceberg took shape beneath my pen over the course of several hours. It's not finished yet but the time spent has given me an opportunity to meditate on all that it means. It's a hope filled symbol due to the transient nature of ice bergs.
I ended up doing the underwater section like a Zentangle. Each facet of the berg will have a different pattern. It seemed to be a good way to illustrate all the experiences which shaped it in the first place.
As I draw, my heart and mind opens to hear what the Lord has to say. What began as a way to illustrate the hidden impact of PTSD has evolved under the tender guidance of the Holy Spirit.
I got thinking about all the videos showing massive ice bergs flipping over. Mini tsunamis cause the sea to boil as the water wrestles with the force of solid ice surrendering to the inevitable.
I got thinking of the photos taken off the coast of Newfoundland showing a parade of gleaming blue and white hunks of ice. They have no choice but to follow the current...south...into the warmth that will render them nothing more than fresh water diluted by the salty sea.
This has become a lesson in kindness.
It's a hard lesson for me to grasp. That's part of PTSD, too. Having a long track record of being treated without kindness means I never learned how. I never thought I deserved such a thing. Kindness was something other people needed...deserved...were entitled to have.
The Gina Livy food program is still being followed. I've still more weight to lose but this part of my life is a whole other post.
Every morning, I've been choosing "Be Kind" as one of my daily intentions because being hard on myself means I am hard on others. Personal expectations have a way of becoming judgements when others don't think or act the same way.
Patterns of behavior...hmmm...ice berg facets...events...lessons...pain...truth that isn't truth...shame...guilt...fear...shutting down...shutting out...
And grief.
Once I was only three...the glacier dipped its toes in the sea and a crack began to form.
Now I am almost sixty...the iceberg that was calved so long ago is about to tip over...can you feel it?
No comments:
Post a Comment