"But I say to you, anyone who looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart." Mathew 5:28
I don't presume to know what was in his heart as he constantly raked his eyes over my body but it's left me feeling like I need a shower...several of them.
I ran into someone yesterday who hadn't been around for several years. The weight loss has changed my appearance drastically so he hadn't recognized me. When I came over, he looked me up and down...more than once...and continued to do this the whole time we were speaking.
As we caught up on all that's been going on since we last met, he commented on how good I looked. Yes, he praised the efforts being made to lose weight. But...his eyes constantly undressed me. At least, that's what it feels like when men do this.
It's an awful feeling.
And it's a huge trigger, this being objectified. It's having the living, breathing, feeling, person inside vanish or worse, be of no consequence.
Jesus has fought too long and too hard to help me overcome the belief I was only a thing.
This person is going to be someone I have more frequent dealings with. Not by choice but through circumstances. He needs to be told his wandering eyes are utterly unacceptable.
I need to tell him because if he did it to me, he does it to other women.
One of the subjects that's come up in the Gina program is understanding why it's more comfortable, more safe, being overweight. It makes you less desirable, less likely to attract the "wrong" sort of attention. My knee jerk reaction is to stop losing weight if this is what's in store.
It means letting go of the improved self worth. It means letting go of the knowledge around how proper diet keeps the body running smoothly. It means letting go of how much better I feel mentally.
Because of one man? Are you kidding me? His eyes don't deserve that kind of sacrifice.
What is needed is a strategy to put a very clear boundary in place: a Gandalf boundary that speaks firmly, "You shall not pass!!" I need a metaphorical staff to hammer into the ground...although...having a real one might come in handy. (Smile.)
I need to show up fully clad in the Armor of God and trust the Holy Spirit to give me the words this man will hear, respect and obey. I need it because this gal is quaking in her boots. Not only setting a boundary but also demanding a change in behavior from a big man who towers over me is scary to say the least.
Jesus says, "Be not afraid."
I'll try because I did stop him from giving me a hug when he left. I simply said, "No."
Wow. The battle is already won.
No comments:
Post a Comment