Obey

   "How great is the goodness You have stored up for those who fear You. You lavish it on those who come to you for protection...You shelter them in Your presence, far from accusing tongues."Psalm 31:19-20

   My laptop fan has decided to stop working. Which means the machine won't stay on so I am using my cell phone to do today's post. This merely slows the thought processes down which is a good thing especially when things are rising up in a flood.

  There have been a couple of situations lately that stirred up a whack of resentment and a deep sadness. I've been left feeling unheard and trapped by other's demands and expectations; expectations where I feel I have no choice except to toe the line like I always have.

  This is nothing new. What is new is the realization that obedience is so ingrained into my behavior, it leaves no room for self determination. Obedience obliterates my ability to choose.

  The bigger issue is not having my decisions respected when I summon up the courage to actally say what I need or want. 

   It's not easy to voice these things. Historically they were of little to no consequence to the important people in my life. A child must do as they are told. A wife must obey their spouse.

  But I am neither a child nor a spouse...so why does the injunction to obey still have such power? 

  I think I have been brain washed and gaslit and controlled until obedience is  automatic and unquestioning. 

  It's a good thing I am writing today because awareness is the first step of change.

  Those who are used to holding all the power aren't going to like this one bit.

  

  Lord, protect me. In Jesus' name, Amen!