Advocacy

   "Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow." Psalm 25:6

  A new laptop is up and running for the most part. Apparently I need to purchase a Microsoft package to get Word, etc. to be able to use their programs. It's a bit frustrating because I need to write a letter. It's an important letter. To a doctor. 

Warning: The contents of this post may be disturbing for some readers.

  In mid October I had a small procedure to remove a large polyp. It was growing in a place unnoticed until I had a long overdue physical. My family doctor found it during her internal exam. She assured me it is a common occurrence in women but would require the services of a gynecologist for its removal.

  I had to wait a few weeks to see him but before I went I returned to my family doctor to request something to "take the edge off." I don't do well riding the stirrups especially if a male doctor is involved. She was more than willing to prescribe something because it would appear this is a common request.

  My appointment was at our local hospital so I showed up on time with the friend who drove me there. Most of the edges had been smoothed by the magic pill. The gynecologist was on time, too.

  Before he started, I told him I had taken something to help me stay calm. I also informed him I was a sexual abuse survivor and that being exposed is very difficult for me. He thanked me for sharing this information with him.

  He explained what he was about to do. 

  A small tool with a grabber on the end is used to pull the polyp tight then a scalpel cuts it free. My family doctor had already told me what to expect but it was good to hear it again.

  There was no freezing.

  The pain went from knees to armpits as he grabbed and pulled and sliced. Because it was a large polyp, about the size of my thumb, he struggled to get all of it.

  There was no freezing.

  I sobbed and couldn't help but cry out as I lay there.

  My cries triggered a part of my past I had hoped was laid to rest.

  Yet I never moved. I never said, "STOP!"

  It's taken me the last couple of months to be able to think about all that happened on the examination table.

  The doctor apologized when he was done. I've had that kind of apology before, " I am sorry, I never meant to hurt you..." It's not about me at all.

  I want to write to him because I have a slew of questions. 

  I live in a first world country. Dentists use a topical spray to numb the gums before using a needle to inject freezing. A mole isn't removed without freezing. Stitches aren't administered without it either. So why was there nothing used in this most sensitive part of a women's anatomy?

  Am I angry?

  Yes. 

  Is it because it was only a woman's procedure that there was no consideration for the pain being inflicted? Is it because the Doctor wasn't prepared for the scope of what needed removing? Is it because his time is far too important to put the brakes on to get what I needed? 

  Is it because I'd taken something to ease my nerves he thought that was sufficient?

  If this happened to me, how many other women have suffered?

  How many other women have accepted this type of treatment because we are, after all, just women.

  Oh. The Lord just reminded me: the hospital has a patient advocacy office. I'm going to give them a call.

  You know what scares me the most?

  The polyp might grow back.