Back in the Saddle

“Then Jesus told him, ‘I have entered the world to render judgment—to give sight to the blind and to show those who think they see that they are blind.” John 9:39

  Firstly, I am going to apologize to my readers for having disappeared for such a long time. The past few months have flown by.  The work is 98% finished. However, once the kitchen and bath were done, my bedroom needed new paint and the living room needs some work as well. This was not in the plans but once everything is done, the entire house will have had a face lift.

  The renovations turned out better than I could have ever imagined. The kitchen is a bright and delightful place to work. The bath is a sanctuary. My bedroom, with new furniture and its new paint, has shed the shadows of the dark days when I hunkered down and hid. New furniture graces the living room as well, breaking the chains of poverty thinking and simply making do.

  And boy, have I purged!! It has felt good to get rid of things that were held on to as part of poverty thinking. Even if they had no value, they were kept “just in case”. I can’t begin to express the joy and freedom the uncluttered life brings.

  They say it takes two months to learn a new habit so I suppose I learned the habit of not doing a blog in the morning over these past months. Yesterday’s sermon came with the encouragement to meditate on a God’s Word for fifteen minutes a day, an established habit that had gotten lost in the chaos of the renovations. Now the dust has settled, it’s of the utmost importance to reintroduce this way of grounding my day in God and learning more of Jesus.

  There have been many changes in the last little while. Not just in the house but in my life and heart as well. It seems the external renovations created many internal ones.

  Where do I start?

  The larger, 4-5000mg, pharmacist recommended dose of vitamin D continues to work its wonders. I am amazed at how a simple, inexpensive supplement can make such a difference in my mental health. If I miss a couple of days, I notice the difference in my mood right away. Its important not to miss.

  I have been elected to a position on the church board of directors, a position I felt ill qualified to handle but decided to accept. We have been given some videos to watch about leadership so I had a look at them a couple of weeks ago. They have put my mind at ease. Many of the attributes of a good leader are what I have learned doing peer support. The skills are transferable. I was amazed and humbled by the connection and how God has done a lot of preparation in my heart for this new work.

  The Meeting House (my church) is delving into mental health for the month of February. I am excited to be part of the dialogue as a key speaker at an event entitled “Ears to Hear.” Each site will be hosting such an event. I am speaking at ours. Praise God for helping me figure out what to share without going into the “why” I live with depression and PTSD.  Instead I will talk about my struggles with accepting my diagnosis and overcoming the prejudices that left a wake of self-loathing in their path.

  But the best thing of all is the metamorphosis brought about by living with someone for ten weeks. Even though we didn’t know each other that well in the beginning, I have found a lifelong friend. In that friendship, I have discovered the importance of community, of not spending so much time alone.

  Community has shown me just how lonely I was. But that can be something that is rectified.

  Community has shown me I am not alone.

  Community is also recognizing my own worth in being part of it.

  And this, my friends, is the greatest gift of all…for once I was blind, but now I see.

  AMEN!