"To Dream the Impossible Dream" by Susan L.

  I'm sitting here patiently waiting for an idea to blog about this morning. Well, maybe not so patiently or I wouldn't have started typing. Isn't that being human!
  Random thoughts are rolling through my brain: ideas for May's newspaper column, wondering what random dictionary word will be my topic for Writer's Nest next week, snatches of song. There's memories and prayers about the days ahead in there too.
 It still surprises me when thoughts of the future roll in. I spent so much of my life living reactively to situations, doing what needed to get done as it arose. The future was as illusive as a rolling bank of fog. Part of that was depression as well. Tomorrow looked like that fog bank. Severe depression is very successful at wiping out the ability to have hopes and plans for tomorrow. At least, conscious ones.
  The last ten years has been spent rifling though the past as I searched for my identity among the lies. It's been spent in weeks and months of insanity. There are huge gaps in my memory, something that bothers me a lot. Or maybe it's a good thing I don't remember. Kind of like childbirth. We women forget the pain or we'd never have more than one.
  That's a good analogy: childbirth. Out of the Black River has come a good life I never envisioned or thought possible ten years ago. It's one of living each day in the confident hope of possibilities in Christ; of living in expectancy. Even when the PTSD rears its ugly head, tough as it is at the time, recovery from those events is growing quicker. I hope...
  I may not plan for tomorrow or dream about it very much. Futurespeak is still a foreign language but my actions in this moment are speaking louder than words. Writing the book is a tangible action for tomorrow's potential. Still, I tend to stay in the present, but that's okay. It's so much better than being submerged by the past.
  I am chuckling at myself. The fact I started typing before an idea arose speaks of confidence in what lay ahead albeit only minutes and seconds into the future. I knew my Muse, my Lord and my Saviour would lead me into truth. Sometimes all that is required is taking a first step in faith.
  "Do not fear, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Lk 12:32